Rock 'n Roll Ain't Shire Pollution - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

***The Barrow-Wight*** · 09-30-2004, 06:37 AM

Imagine that the old gaffers in Hobbiton woke up one morning to a frightening new noise: Rock’n’Roll. Across the Shire, young tweeners were growing their hair long and shaking their hips in immoral, Elf-like gyrations. A respectable hobbit gentleman couldn’t sit down to a pint in his favorite pub without being drowned in racket of such hooligan music groups as the The Hoom, Prince (of Dol Amroth), Flogging Merry, and Sheryl Crebain

Poster seen stapled to mallorns everywhere:

Quote:

Performing tonight in the Green Dragon: Nob Dylan (all the way from Bree!)

He’ll sing such great songs as
Like A Rolling Stone of Erech
All Along The Watchtower of Amon Sul
Tangled Up In Lhûn
Knockin' on Aman's Door

Guest star!!!
Nob will be accompanied on guitar by fellow Traveling Wainriders bandmate, Tom Petty Dwarf.

Extra special guest stars!
Also making an appearance will be a trio of Vidugavia's Secret models showing off the newest fashions from Rhovanion.

* * * *

With some creativity and flair, tell us about another band that might perform in the new rockin’ Shire. What are they like and what songs do they play? What would their poster look like? What brought them together and what impact have they made on society?

Do Not just write a list of funny band or song names. We want to know more!!! With a little effort, this could be a fun thread.

Hama Of The Riddermark · 09-30-2004, 08:23 AM

The Nazgul! (All the way from the ninth circle of hell)

Singing covers of great songs like:

Back in Black
My sword is hanging upside down (Frodo goes to Mordor)
DarkLord Therapy
Sauron is a punk rocker
Now I wanna sniff some man-flesh
Mordor's Bells

What Frodo DIN'T realise is that they were only trying to get him to listen to their rock music!!

**The Saucepan Man** · 09-30-2004, 08:59 AM

Not all of the rock bands popular among the young Hobbits caused their elders consternation. Despite their fearful name and cacophonous sound, Steppenwarg, made songs which embraced traditional Shire values such as gossiping, mistrust of outsiders and frequent parties involving prodigious quantities of food and drink.

Their seminal song was Born in the Shire, an anthemic call for young Hobbits to ignore any old Wizards who might come to their door with tales of Dragons, Elves and hoards of gold. Its lyrics bear repeating here:

Get my muffin buttered
Feet up by the fireplace
Hiding from adventure
In a most un-Tookish way

No Gandalf, you’re not welcome
Leave me here in my comfy hole
Don’t want no Dragon’s treasure
Not meeting no Trolls

I like beer and mushrooms
Heavy belly thunder
Blowing smoky rings
In the Hill that I’m under

No Gandalf, you’re not welcome
Leave me here in my comfy hole
Don’t want no Dragon’s treasure
Not meeting no Trolls

Like a true Hobbit child
I was born – born in the Shire
The only Dragon round here
Is Green and serves beer

Born in the Shire!
Born in the Shire!

But while that is the song for which they are most remembered, they also had a string of minor hits, including

Don’t Listen at the Eaves, Sam
(Mushroom) Pusher
Cookie, Cookie
Straight Smokin’ Hobbit, and
Hey Lalia Mama

While deemed thoroughly acceptable by much of Hobbit society, Steppenwarg caused outrage amongst Wizards, Dwarves and Elves looking for suitable fall-guys for their adventures since, during the band’s heyday, not one young Hobbit could be found who was willing to undertake such tasks as burgling Dragons’ treasure or destroying Magic Rings.

Mysteriously, Steppenwarg disappeared shortly after they were visited backstage at one of their concerts by an old bearded fellow dressed in grey with a wide-brimmed hat. Some say they went onto greater things and secured a recording contract in Rivendell (thus selling out on their ideals), but others tell that their songs may still be heard in the croaking of the frogs in the reeds by the Water.

dancing spawn of ungoliant · 09-30-2004, 11:38 AM

Sam has started an own band with Gollum (who's still alive and kickin'). They have created a superb new song and it's reputation can only be compared to smash hits like Macarena and Ketchup Song. It'll be the Shire folk's all-time favourite for now on: Mashed Taters!

Bêthberry · 09-30-2004, 11:42 AM

Sadly, there were minstrels whose songs were forgotten by the Shirelings, who sang once at Penny Delving and were never invited back. Often their songs were said to be as strange as news from Bree. Once such itinerant singer was Otho Riddermarking. His song, "Sitting on the dock of Balafalas" reached number Nine on the charts at Lune and New March but such a feat was his only mark. Indeed, the song is remembered only by the more adventurous of the hobbits, those with some acquaintance with the Lays of TheNowLostLand.

Here, without more ado is his song of The 'Downing' of Numenor: Akïndamêss, the Caterwaulin'.

Sittin' in the darkenin' age
I'll be sittin' when the shadow comes
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of Balfalas
Watching Numenor roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of Balfalas
Sundering seas.

I left my home in Barad-dur
Headed for Tolfalas bay
'Cause all I had was death to live for
And Amandil wasn't comin' my way

So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of Balafalas
Watching Numenor roll away
Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of Balfalas
Sundering seas.

Look like everything's gonna change
Nothin's gonna remain the same
I can't do what Morgoth tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, yes

Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
It's two thousand miles I roamed
But I can't make Aman my home

Now, I'm just gonna sit at the dock of Balfalas
Watching Numenor roll away
Oooo-wee, sittin' on the dock of Balfalas
Seeing the circles of the world pass away.

***The Barrow-Wight*** · 09-30-2004, 12:02 PM

These songs are great! But it would be great to hear a bit more about the bands and how their performances are received in the Shire

Kransha · 09-30-2004, 07:05 PM

One cannot have a festivity celebrating such festidious music without the inclusion of the most popular group to come out of the Bëortish Invasion: The Kirinki.

A Beef History: The well-known, oft-fangirled band bebuting in Eriador features John Lindon, Parth MaCarchost, Forge Harodson, and Ingwo Stoorr. The revolutionary overseas (from Valinor, that is) musical stylings of the Kirinki changed the world, the warrld, and the whirled. In the wake of the Kirinki, screaming females between the ages of 12 and 960 were sure to follow. In fact, in the late 2960's, their popularity was at such an all-time high that the focal point of the group, John Lindon, split off from the remainder of the Kirinki and founded an 'experience' with his ex-semi-hemi-demi-spouse, Mocha Lotho, one of the Notorious Sackville-Bagginses. The group was ostracized from the public eye, though, because of Mocha's ill-remembered alliance with the Cock-O-Woops, a group known only for their Proletariat idealism. Mocha and Lindon's only hit was the single Swagger It which was quickly adopted by Curunir Recording Studios, who forced locals to pay a nickel everytime the patented phrase was uttered. Thus, through financial difficulty and Istari infamy, the Cock-O-Woops fell from grace. Lindon, at that time, returned to the Kirinki, but not before being unfortunately *hem* decommisioned and took up residence in the Barrow-Downs. Re-joining the Kirinki as J.Lindon Version 2.0 (WightLindon, as he was called), Lindon carried the Kirinki to stardom yet again.

Public W[orks]: In their early days, the Kirinki quickly coined a number of numbers that would remain part of the Ardan vernacular for decades to come. Early tones like Noldorin Wood (one of the earliest songs, which was allegedly all subtext relating to the slipshod construction of the Valar Lamps) , Orcrist and Shout! (filled with ruminations about various Dwarven weaponry and the joys of drinking liquid mithril), A Lay in the Life (a condensed version of every Lay and Song of Arda, all abridged into 2 short lines), Michdomiel (an intelligent musical discussion of intermarriage between Ents and Wargs), and I Saw His Standing Heir (a work that expostulated mercilessly on the geopolitical issues raised by the sudden materialization of Aragorn Elessar. The Kirinki, despite their better factors, were part of the Pro-Steward League, inspired primarily by a cash donation from Steward Ecthelion II).

The song to be performed at Shirestock, though, is a new, later work, and very controversial. The recently perfected Varda in the Sky with Elfstones was considered, in its time, to be a work of foul sorcery (VSE was a popular pipe-weed supplement at the time, but only among the low sort, so the obvious acronym in the title didn’t go down well with Farthing gentlehobbits). The following is the piece in full. It’s response in the Shire, be hobbit lassies at least, was exceptionally adamant, but the older set found the ‘ninnyhammer shenanigans’ to be ‘hooliganery,’ and ‘newf-angled’ (the angle of a newf, that is, a newf being the dissolute product of a miscalculated transformation from newt to man). Her follows the legendary work of music, filled with new nonsense and old ramblings.

(Note: If you understand the analogues within, you, sir or madam, are a genius, and have no place reading this post)

Picture yourself in a boat on the Water,
With Nauglamir trees and miruvor skies
Somebody calls you, you answer real vaguely,
A girl with Beleriand eyes.
Barrow-Wight mounds of blackish and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the Wight with the dark in his eyes,
And he's gone.

Varda in the Sky with Elfstones...

Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where Silmaril people eat Nimphelos pies,
Everyone smiles as you drift past the wight-mounds,
That grow so incredibly high.
Fiberglass mûmaks appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the Void,
And you're gone.

Varda in the Sky with Elfstones...

Picture yourself in a field in a Meara,
With plasticine uruks with Seregon ties,
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstyle,
The girl with the Beleriand eyes.

Varda in the Sky with Elfstones...

09-30-2004, 08:59 AM	#3
The Saucepan Man Corpus Cacophonous Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: A green and pleasant land Posts: 8,390	Steppenwarg, a brief history Not all of the rock bands popular among the young Hobbits caused their elders consternation. Despite their fearful name and cacophonous sound, Steppenwarg, made songs which embraced traditional Shire values such as gossiping, mistrust of outsiders and frequent parties involving prodigious quantities of food and drink. Their seminal song was Born in the Shire, an anthemic call for young Hobbits to ignore any old Wizards who might come to their door with tales of Dragons, Elves and hoards of gold. Its lyrics bear repeating here: Get my muffin buttered Feet up by the fireplace Hiding from adventure In a most un-Tookish way No Gandalf, you’re not welcome Leave me here in my comfy hole Don’t want no Dragon’s treasure Not meeting no Trolls I like beer and mushrooms Heavy belly thunder Blowing smoky rings In the Hill that I’m under No Gandalf, you’re not welcome Leave me here in my comfy hole Don’t want no Dragon’s treasure Not meeting no Trolls Like a true Hobbit child I was born – born in the Shire The only Dragon round here Is Green and serves beer Born in the Shire! Born in the Shire! But while that is the song for which they are most remembered, they also had a string of minor hits, including Don’t Listen at the Eaves, Sam (Mushroom) Pusher Cookie, Cookie Straight Smokin’ Hobbit, and Hey Lalia Mama While deemed thoroughly acceptable by much of Hobbit society, Steppenwarg caused outrage amongst Wizards, Dwarves and Elves looking for suitable fall-guys for their adventures since, during the band’s heyday, not one young Hobbit could be found who was willing to undertake such tasks as burgling Dragons’ treasure or destroying Magic Rings. Mysteriously, Steppenwarg disappeared shortly after they were visited backstage at one of their concerts by an old bearded fellow dressed in grey with a wide-brimmed hat. Some say they went onto greater things and secured a recording contract in Rivendell (thus selling out on their ideals), but others tell that their songs may still be heard in the croaking of the frogs in the reeds by the Water. __________________ Do you mind? I'm busy doing the fishstick. It's a very delicate state of mind!

09-30-2004, 11:38 AM	#4
dancing spawn of ungoliant Mischievous Candle Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: So near to Russia, so far from Japan, quite a long way from Cairo, lots of miles from Vietnam. Posts: 1,234	Sam has started an own band with Gollum (who's still alive and kickin'). They have created a superb new song and it's reputation can only be compared to smash hits like Macarena and Ketchup Song. It'll be the Shire folk's all-time favourite for now on: Mashed Taters! __________________ Fenris Wolf

09-30-2004, 11:42 AM	#5
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 6,003	Otho Riddermarking, one hit wonder Sadly, there were minstrels whose songs were forgotten by the Shirelings, who sang once at Penny Delving and were never invited back. Often their songs were said to be as strange as news from Bree. Once such itinerant singer was Otho Riddermarking. His song, "Sitting on the dock of Balafalas" reached number Nine on the charts at Lune and New March but such a feat was his only mark. Indeed, the song is remembered only by the more adventurous of the hobbits, those with some acquaintance with the Lays of TheNowLostLand. Here, without more ado is his song of The 'Downing' of Numenor: Akïndamêss, the Caterwaulin'. Sittin' in the darkenin' age I'll be sittin' when the shadow comes Watching the ships roll in And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah I'm sittin' on the dock of Balfalas Watching Numenor roll away Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of Balfalas Sundering seas. I left my home in Barad-dur Headed for Tolfalas bay 'Cause all I had was death to live for And Amandil wasn't comin' my way So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of Balafalas Watching Numenor roll away Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of Balfalas Sundering seas. Look like everything's gonna change Nothin's gonna remain the same I can't do what Morgoth tell me to do So I guess I'll remain the same, yes Sittin' here resting my bones And this loneliness won't leave me alone It's two thousand miles I roamed But I can't make Aman my home Now, I'm just gonna sit at the dock of Balfalas Watching Numenor roll away Oooo-wee, sittin' on the dock of Balfalas Seeing the circles of the world pass away. __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away. Last edited by Bêthberry; 09-30-2004 at 11:47 AM.

09-30-2004, 12:02 PM	#6
*The Barrow-Wight* Night In Wight Satin Join Date: May 2000 Posts: 4,043	About the Band These songs are great! But it would be great to hear a bit more about the bands and how their performances are received in the Shire __________________ The Barrow-Wight

09-30-2004, 07:05 PM	#7
Kransha Ubiquitous Urulóki Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: The port of Mars, where Famine, Sword, and Fire, leash'd in like hounds, crouch for employment Posts: 747	The Band to Beat-all One cannot have a festivity celebrating such festidious music without the inclusion of the most popular group to come out of the Bëortish Invasion: The Kirinki. A Beef History: The well-known, oft-fangirled band bebuting in Eriador features John Lindon, Parth MaCarchost, Forge Harodson, and Ingwo Stoorr. The revolutionary overseas (from Valinor, that is) musical stylings of the Kirinki changed the world, the warrld, and the whirled. In the wake of the Kirinki, screaming females between the ages of 12 and 960 were sure to follow. In fact, in the late 2960's, their popularity was at such an all-time high that the focal point of the group, John Lindon, split off from the remainder of the Kirinki and founded an 'experience' with his ex-semi-hemi-demi-spouse, Mocha Lotho, one of the Notorious Sackville-Bagginses. The group was ostracized from the public eye, though, because of Mocha's ill-remembered alliance with the Cock-O-Woops, a group known only for their Proletariat idealism. Mocha and Lindon's only hit was the single Swagger It which was quickly adopted by Curunir Recording Studios, who forced locals to pay a nickel everytime the patented phrase was uttered. Thus, through financial difficulty and Istari infamy, the Cock-O-Woops fell from grace. Lindon, at that time, returned to the Kirinki, but not before being unfortunately hem decommisioned and took up residence in the Barrow-Downs. Re-joining the Kirinki as J.Lindon Version 2.0 (WightLindon, as he was called), Lindon carried the Kirinki to stardom yet again. Public W[orks]: In their early days, the Kirinki quickly coined a number of numbers that would remain part of the Ardan vernacular for decades to come. Early tones like Noldorin Wood (one of the earliest songs, which was allegedly all subtext relating to the slipshod construction of the Valar Lamps) , Orcrist and Shout! (filled with ruminations about various Dwarven weaponry and the joys of drinking liquid mithril), A Lay in the Life (a condensed version of every Lay and Song of Arda, all abridged into 2 short lines), Michdomiel (an intelligent musical discussion of intermarriage between Ents and Wargs), and I Saw His Standing Heir (a work that expostulated mercilessly on the geopolitical issues raised by the sudden materialization of Aragorn Elessar. The Kirinki, despite their better factors, were part of the Pro-Steward League, inspired primarily by a cash donation from Steward Ecthelion II). The song to be performed at Shirestock, though, is a new, later work, and very controversial. The recently perfected Varda in the Sky with Elfstones was considered, in its time, to be a work of foul sorcery (VSE was a popular pipe-weed supplement at the time, but only among the low sort, so the obvious acronym in the title didn’t go down well with Farthing gentlehobbits). The following is the piece in full. It’s response in the Shire, be hobbit lassies at least, was exceptionally adamant, but the older set found the ‘ninnyhammer shenanigans’ to be ‘hooliganery,’ and ‘newf-angled’ (the angle of a newf, that is, a newf being the dissolute product of a miscalculated transformation from newt to man). Her follows the legendary work of music, filled with new nonsense and old ramblings. (Note: If you understand the analogues within, you, sir or madam, are a genius, and have no place reading this post) Picture yourself in a boat on the Water, With Nauglamir trees and miruvor skies Somebody calls you, you answer real vaguely, A girl with Beleriand eyes. Barrow-Wight mounds of blackish and green, Towering over your head. Look for the Wight with the dark in his eyes, And he's gone. Varda in the Sky with Elfstones... Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain Where Silmaril people eat Nimphelos pies, Everyone smiles as you drift past the wight-mounds, That grow so incredibly high. Fiberglass mûmaks appear on the shore, Waiting to take you away. Climb in the back with your head in the Void, And you're gone. Varda in the Sky with Elfstones... Picture yourself in a field in a Meara, With plasticine uruks with Seregon ties, Suddenly someone is there at the turnstyle, The girl with the Beleriand eyes. Varda in the Sky with Elfstones... __________________ "What mortal feels not awe/Nor trembles at our name, Hearing our fate-appointed power sublime/Fixed by the eternal law. For old our office, and our fame," -Aeschylus, Song of the Furies

09-30-2004, 08:23 AM	#2
Hama Of The Riddermark Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 282	The Nazgul! (All the way from the ninth circle of hell) Singing covers of great songs like: Back in Black My sword is hanging upside down (Frodo goes to Mordor) DarkLord Therapy Sauron is a punk rocker Now I wanna sniff some man-flesh Mordor's Bells What Frodo DIN'T realise is that they were only trying to get him to listen to their rock music!!