ME jokes and funny stories

[Galadriel55]

Gollum, in his rehab program in the Shire, saw sees Merry and Pippin enjoying a tasty snack.
- What isss ittt the hobitses are eating?
- That's raisins, Smeagol. Yum!

Gollum runs over to Bilbo's place.
- Bagginsss! I mussst have raisinsss. Where are you hiding your raisinsss?
- Hoy, Smeagol, - Bilbo says, - I haven't got any raisins. But I have a couple delicious raisin buns, if you want some.
- Pick them out of the filthy buns! We wants raisinsss!

So Bilbo obligingly digs out all the raising from the baked treats.
- What are these, my preciousss? Are they raisinsss?
- Yes, Smeagol, these are the raisins you wanted.

Gollum puts one in his mouth, and his eyes go big.
- Filthy raisnisses! Yuck! Shove them back into the buns!


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What is the difference between a palantir and a ball being dropped off the heights of Zirakzigil?

A Palantir as it falls would pass the levels of Khazad-dum thus: 5th storey - 4th storey - 3rd storey - 2nd storey - main level - deeper levels - mining shafts - ai ai, a Balrog - hello Nameless Things.

Meanwhile, a ball falling counts the passed levels: 5th storey - 4th storey - 3rd storey - 2nd storey - main level - 2nd storey - 3rd storey...


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The Adventures of One Little Hobbit

One little hobbit picked up a round stone.
- What is it, Gandalf? - the hobbit intoned.
- Look in the depth, sing the Baby Shark song!
And that's how the Dark Lord went daft as a log.

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One little hobbit was making a broth,
With cyanide he seasoned the boiling pot.
That day, Sackville-Bagginses came home to feast:
All S.B.s ate, but our hobbit didn't eat!

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One little hobbit climbed Sandyman's mill,
Stuck himself out, hanging over the sill.
The road by the mill's covered in bloody splotches:
The hobbit tomatoes threw down at the gawkers.