Silmarillion Parody

[Huinesoron]

Feanor-in-a-toga makes me imagine a Silmified Julius Caesar.

Friends, Noldor, Kinsfolk, lend me your [ambiguously-pointed] ears!
I come not to bury Finwe, but to praise him!
The evil done to him lives after him;
His good has been interred with his bones;
So let us bury Morgoth.

This looks like fun...!

hS

[Urwen]

Do you like the second part?

[Huinesoron]

It felt like there was a twist coming, or at any rate a second half, so I was withholding comment. But yeah, Ecthelion was always a bit cracked, given that he kills a Balrog by stabbing it with his head-spike. Who even has one of those?!

hS

[Urwen]

Considering the topics I've been obsessed with recently, I think you know what the twist is.

[Urwen]

Announcer: Today, we have 'Not One of Us' by Lords of Gondolin on our repertoire.

[scene shifts to Lords of Gondolin, who are all holding various instruments]

Turgon:
[taps the mic]
Testing, testing....One, two, three!

Ecthelion:
Doom is upon us

Chorus:
Upon us

Ecthelion:
According to Namo

Chorus:
To Namo

Ecthelion:
Even though this is the case
We now know we should blame someone else

Chorus:
Someone else

[Ecthelion backs off. Turgon, Tuor and Idril take his place]

Turgon:
Born in grief

Ecthelion:
Raised to hate

Rog/Penlod/Egalmoth:
Helpless to resist his fate

Tuor/Idril:
Let him go, let him leave
But let's not forget he's the reason we grieve

Everyone:
Someone once betrayed us
He destroyed our faith in the world
Now we know this and our judgement is thus
Eol's son can never become one of us
He's not one of us now

Glorfindel:
Don't you think we were too hardcore with this?

Ecthelion:
Nah. Besides, Turgon gave us the green light to do this.

Tuor:
I have to say that that moment felt bloody amazing

Idril:
As the neutral observer, I have to agree with everything said, or sung.

Glorfindel:
To be fair, you weren't exactly a neutral observer. The whole thing started because of you.

Idril:
No. The whole thing started because of him. I was just the catalyst, nothing more.

Tuor:
[amused]
Look

[The disembodied fea of Meleth and Maeglin are seated nearby, whispering to one another]

Glorfindel:
They seem to be in love. Isn't that cute?

Idril:
It would be, if it weren't for the fact that my best friend is colluding with one of the Enemy's agents!

[starts to approach the duo at brisk pace]

Tuor:
Sorry, gotta run.
[follows his wife, hurriedly]

Glorfindel:
I better go too. Strength in numbers and all that.
[follows Tuor and Idril]

Ecthelion:
[sighs]
Why can't he just admit he is jealous....?

Egalmoth
[pats Ecthelion on the shoulder in silence]

Rog:
I am more incensed at the fact that, since we're already dead, I can't use my Hammer of Wrath to split the traitor's head open.


[To be continued]

[Urwen]

Eriol:
I have plenty of tales to share
This one's one of the best
So do listen, if you dare
But first sit down by the fire and rest

The tale begins with the Elves
The beings tall and fair
Who settled into
The lands that were bare

The elves had luck
Far beyond anyone else
But for some of them life sucked
And they were never blessed

First of such was Feanor
Who departed with a clang
But he was ambushed and set on fire
Then he went out with the bang

Then came Maedhros
Who couldn't take it anymore
And in the fire he threw himself
Because his hand was sore

His brother, Celegorm the Fair
Had love troubles of the highest order
He loved Aredhel, and grabbed Luthien by the hair
And now he is no more

Curufin was the favorite
He and his bro made quite a duo
Then he was slain to break the stalemate
And to shake up the status quo

Caranthir was the dark one
Who never loved any Elleth
Instead, in his lands
He shared a bed with Haleth

Maglor was the secondborn
And the only sane one
Now, listening to Ulmo's horn
He wanders the shore alone

Finally, we have Lomion, of dubious fame
Who took after Celegorm, no joke
He played and lost the game
And then his body broke

And that's the end of this tale
That I have told
Now grab a cup of ale
And listen to more tales as they unfold

[Huinesoron]

I think your choice of song for Maeglin is fitting, if you view him as a tragic antihero - which I know you do. Maeglin/Meleth is an interesting concept; with her as Idril's friend, I can see her having a lot of run-ins with Maeglin over the years as she tried to fend him away from the princess. It wouldn't be too hard for her to fall for Tall, Dark, And Angsty over here... which of course makes his fate all the more tragic, because to steal Earendil he would presumably have had to spurn Meleth. A sort of Smeagol-esque 'final chance to take a better path' scenario.

Eriol's poem... well, I love the idea of him baffling the Elves by literally translating his weird Saxon slang - 'life for some of them sucked!' "Sucked upon what, my friend?" I'm... not clear why he's enumerated five of Feanor's sons plus their distant cousin, except for Urwen Likes Maeglin. And, er... is this a drinking song?

Seriously, this is a drinking song, isn't it? More specifically, this is a drinking song written with the express intent of antagonising House Feanor. You've got 'Caranthir loves mortals', 'Maedhros is a wuss about his hand', 'Celegorm pulls girls' hair', 'the only interesting thing Curufin did was die', and 'the one who ran away was the only one with any sense' - plus 'and this evil dude must have been one of you too, because he was evil, and that's your Thing'.

hS