Lord of the Rings TV series gets multi-season order at Amazon

[Michael Murry]

Thanks for the verse, Pitchwife. And thanks, again, for that comment (#3) you made many years ago in the "Itaril" thread where you wrote:

A quick google search of "Itaril hobbit", however, revealed this:

Originally Posted by http://collider.com/casting-info-for...revealed/13531

[ITARIL] FEMALE, A WOODLAND ELF, this character is one the Silvan Elves. The Silvan Elves are seen as more earthy and practical. Shorter than other elves, she is still quick and lithe and physically adept, being able to fight with both sword and bow. Showing promise as a fighter at a young age, ITARIL was chosen to train to become part of the Woodland King’s Guard. This is the only life she has ever expected to live, until she meets and secretly falls in love with a young ELF LORD. This role will require a wig and contact lenses to be worn. Some prosthetic make-up may also be required. LEAD. AGE: 17-27. ACCENT – STANDARD R.P.

So it seems like PJ & Co. nicked the name for some token female Elf who wasn't in the book either, but whose presence is presumed necessary in order to feed the unwashed movie-watching masses' hunger for on-screen romance. I'm afraid it takes no extraordinary sagacity to guess who the "young Elf lord" she falls in love with is going to be... *shudder*

I hold you blameless for inspiring my own attempts (often sordid) to follow -- in verse -- the implications inherent in this casting advertisement. Despite the later euphemistic change of product description to "Tauriel," and the change of "love" interest from Elf lord to dwarf miner, the essential "strong female" Mary Sue nature of the elf-chick role remained from first to last. Recently, I went back and gathered all my verse compositions from that thread together -- along with some of the forum commentary, positive and negative, that prompted my poor poetic efforts -- with a view to publishing them someday as a connected cycle. With the promised (i.e., "threatened") television series and spin-offs coming soon, though, I thought it best to wrap up this "Hobbit" elf-chick thing before moving on to whatever awful idea comes next. I think that I tried this once before in another thread, but I've forgotten where I put it. So, with a few changes, I'll try again with:

Unrequited Elf-Dwarf Libido

How did this interspecies film romance
Have anything amounting to a chance
If he, the dwarf, had nothing in his shorts
And she, the elf, knew only glib retorts?

We know that elves and men can mate, it's true,
Because Professor Tolkien said they do.
But how do elves and dwarves refute the rule
That horses crossed with donkeys make a mule?

It seems this kind of, tawdry, tame affair
Appeals to those without a pubic hair:
To boys in bed, both hands beneath the sheets,
And girls who've yet to grow a pair of teats.

And what of that “young Elf Lord” -- You-Know-Him --
Whose face emotes expressions fell and grim
Who left the elf-chick in his dad's employ
To go in search of one ten-year-old boy*

What does a jilted elf-chick have to do?
Abandoned by a dwarf and elf lord, too.
It looks like time for yet another plan.
Who's left to further her career? A man?

Michael Murry, "The Misfortune Teller," Copyright 2017

Note * According to Appendix B of The Lord of the Rings, Aragorn, born in 2931 of the Third Age, would have only reached the age of ten or eleven by 2942, the year that The Hobbit ends with Bilbo's return from his great adventure to Bag End, Hobbiton.

I note this because, very near the end of the last Hobbit film, i.e., The Battle of the Five Armies, the "young Elf Lord" Legolas bluntly tells his dad, King Thranduil: "I can't to back." When the Silvan Elf King solemnly asks his son: "Where will you go?" Legolas answers: "I do not know." The Elf King then advises his son: "Go north. Find the Dunedain. There is a young ranger among them. You should meet him. His father, Arathorn, was a good man. His son might grow to be a great one." Legolas then asks the obvious: "What is his name?" To which the King answers, cryptically: "He is known in the wild as 'Strider.' His true name you must discover for yourself."

Unfortunately for Legolas in 2942, Lord Elrond in Imladris (Rivendell) reveals to 'Estel' his true name and ancestry, and delivers to him the shards of Narsil and other heirlooms, only in 2951, when Aragorn turns twenty.

Therefore, in 2942 when Thranduil attempts to advise his son Legolas where to go: (1) No one but Elrond and Aragorn's mother, Gilraen, know Aragorn's true name or his ancestry. Aragorn himself answers to the name of "Estel." (2) Aragorn lives in Imladris under his pseudonym and not with the Dunedian in the north whose existence he probably doesn't even know about. (3) At the age of ten or eleven his legs have not grown long enough for him to "stride" about in the Wild and earn the nickname "Strider." Anyway, Aragorn doesn't even go out into the Wild knowing his true name and ancestry until he turns twenty. And even then and thereafter, he goes about under any number of assumed names for a great many years.

Quite a bit doesn't add up here, and if Legolas actually follows his dad's advice, he will have about seven decades to wander around lost before Lord Elrond reveals Aragorn's true name and lineage to all those assembed at The Council of Elrond in October of 3018.

Hard to say all that in a few lines of verse, so "one ten-year-old boy" will have to suffice.