Did the Ring Need a Label? - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Morthoron · 04-30-2013, 11:14 AM

Just be glad the Food and Drug Administration didn't mandate a lengthier warning label:

Common Side Effects of the One Ring include:

feeling thin and stretched;
mood or behavior changes;
agitation, hostility, aggression;
thoughts of suicide, such as hurling oneself from a cliff;
megalomania, feelings of grandeur;
hallucinations, particularly being watched by a Great Eye.

Prolonged effects of using the One Ring include:

schizophrenia, bad grammar, speaking of oneself in the third person;
hair loss, lisping, sun-sensitivity, weight loss, cannibalism;
aversion to po-ta-toes, ropes and cooked meat;
feeling of invisibility and eventual wraithdom.

Noldorin Elves, Dunedain (particularly those with strong Numenorean bloodlines) and members of the Istari should not use the One Ring as the aforementioned effects are heightened in these subjects; Hobbits and retrograde Stoors, although more tolerant of the One Ring, suffers adverse long term damage from prolonged usage.

Consult your local wizard or half-elven loremaster if you believe you have come in contact with the One Ring.

William Cloud Hicklin · 04-30-2013, 01:44 PM

I'm surprised it didn't, since naturally all the lawyers in Middle-earth were in the service of the Dark Tower

04-30-2013, 11:14 AM	#1
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	Does the Ring need a label? Just be glad the Food and Drug Administration didn't mandate a lengthier warning label: Common Side Effects of the One Ring include: feeling thin and stretched; mood or behavior changes; agitation, hostility, aggression; thoughts of suicide, such as hurling oneself from a cliff; megalomania, feelings of grandeur; hallucinations, particularly being watched by a Great Eye. Prolonged effects of using the One Ring include: schizophrenia, bad grammar, speaking of oneself in the third person; hair loss, lisping, sun-sensitivity, weight loss, cannibalism; aversion to po-ta-toes, ropes and cooked meat; feeling of invisibility and eventual wraithdom. Noldorin Elves, Dunedain (particularly those with strong Numenorean bloodlines) and members of the Istari should not use the One Ring as the aforementioned effects are heightened in these subjects; Hobbits and retrograde Stoors, although more tolerant of the One Ring, suffers adverse long term damage from prolonged usage. Consult your local wizard or half-elven loremaster if you believe you have come in contact with the One Ring. __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.

04-30-2013, 01:44 PM	#2
William Cloud Hicklin Loremaster of Annúminas Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,330	I'm surprised it didn't, since naturally all the lawyers in Middle-earth were in the service of the Dark Tower __________________ The entire plot of The Lord of the Rings could be said to turn on what Sauron didn’t know, and when he didn’t know it.