Wouldn't a LOTR Series Been Nice?

[Forlong the Fat]

Originally Posted by Aganzir

It wouldn't work. There's not enough sex in LOTR.

Seriously though, I would have vastly preferred that to the mess Peter Jackson made in which he gave screentime to things that contributed nothing whatsoever to the plot while leaving out important parts.

However, there are differences. I think HBO's Game of Thrones is better than the books. It's partly the actors (who are fantastic) & the directing, partly the script - I feel many of the characters in the books remain shallow and superficial. And in that respect, Tolkien does a better job even though we don't see things exclusively from the characters' point of view. See, I like A Song of Ice and Fire yet I think HBO's version is better, but I have a hard time seeing that anyone could make LOTR better than it already is.

That would still be awesome though.

You could work in some sex

Flashback to Aragorn and Arwen "plighting their troth" (it even sounds a bit dirty)
Sam and Rosie
Sam and Frodo
In a shocker, Sam and Gollum
Obviously Gimli and Legolas
Maybe an indecent assault by Grima on Eowyn
You could make the Prancing Pony an Inn/Whorehouse and show some gratuitous happenings there
Bombadil and Goldberry

And that's just off the top of my head. Give me a week and it will be ready for HBO.

[Aganzir]

And then it would stoop even lower than Peter Jackson.

Most of all, Christopher Tolkien would never allow it.

Originally Posted by Inzil

I someone can't see modern networks having lines like "Fly, you fools!" It would be transposed into "Get out of here! I got it, yo!"

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Forlong the Fat

You could work in some sex

Flashback to Aragorn and Arwen "plighting their troth" (it even sounds a bit dirty)
Sam and Rosie
Sam and Frodo
In a shocker, Sam and Gollum
Obviously Gimli and Legolas
Maybe an indecent assault by Grima on Eowyn
You could make the Prancing Pony an Inn/Whorehouse and show some gratuitous happenings there
Bombadil and Goldberry

And that's just off the top of my head. Give me a week and it will be ready for HBO.

I think you prove the point, albeit sarcastically, for never having any of Tolkien's work presented in a serialized format. Artistic integrity is never a priority when bosoms, buttocks and bollocks sell.

[Uruk's Bane]

Originally Posted by Forlong the Fat

You could work in some sex

Flashback to Aragorn and Arwen "plighting their troth" (it even sounds a bit dirty)
Sam and Rosie
Sam and Frodo
In a shocker, Sam and Gollum
Obviously Gimli and Legolas
Maybe an indecent assault by Grima on Eowyn
You could make the Prancing Pony an Inn/Whorehouse and show some gratuitous happenings there
Bombadil and Goldberry

And that's just off the top of my head. Give me a week and it will be ready for HBO.

If a series had much at all of that junk in it that you mention, it wouldn't have anything to do with LotR. You just destroyed most of the relationships in the book.

[Aganzir]

Originally Posted by Uruk's Bane

You just destroyed most of the relationships in the book.

Sex doesn't always destroy a relationship. It just changes it.

That would lead to interesting consequences, though. The whole Mordor/Mount Doom part would get a whole new meaning if there was a love triangle involved...

[Uruk's Bane]

Originally Posted by Aganzir

Sex doesn't always destroy a relationship. It just changes it.

That would lead to interesting consequences, though. The whole Mordor/Mount Doom part would get a whole new meaning if there was a love triangle involved...

I didn't just mean the sex part, I meant the making Frodo/Sam or Gimli/Legolas relationships gay.

[Aganzir]

Originally Posted by Uruk's Bane

I didn't just mean the sex part, I meant the making Frodo/Sam or Gimli/Legolas relationships gay.

The line between homosociality and homosexuality is just as vague as the one between sociality and sexuality. I don't see why that should be any worse than adding straight sex scenes.

Besides, we're talking about a TV series here. We can't get the ~10% homosexual minority to watch it if they don't have anyone to relate to. (And we won't be having any black audience either because the only black people in the books are villains.)

[Uruk's Bane]

Originally Posted by Aganzir

The line between homosociality and homosexuality is just as vague as the one between sociality and sexuality. I don't see why that should be any worse than adding straight sex scenes.

Besides, we're talking about a TV series here. We can't get the ~10% homosexual minority to watch it if they don't have anyone to relate to. (And we won't be having any black audience either because the only black people in the books are villains.)

Well, I'd say that if the only way people would watch a LotR tv show is if we added in sex and changed the relationships between the main characters, then it isn't worth it.

[Forlong the Fat]

Originally Posted by Uruk's Bane

If a series had much at all of that junk in it that you mention, it wouldn't have anything to do with LotR. You just destroyed most of the relationships in the book.

How dare you call my ideas junk? Personally I think every one of my scenarios makes more sense than the elves coming to Helm's Deep.

[Uruk's Bane]

Originally Posted by Forlong the Fat

How dare you call my ideas junk? Personally I think every one of my scenarios makes more sense than the elves coming to Helm's Deep.

Uh... I thought you were kidding. The problem I have is, you're taking the major characters and totally distorting their relationships with each other. Maybe you can do that for something you wrote, but not for something like LotR. That is too much change in the wrong areas.

[Forlong the Fat]

Originally Posted by Uruk's Bane

Uh... I thought you were kidding. The problem I have is, you're taking the major characters and totally distorting their relationships with each other. Maybe you can do that for something you wrote, but not for something like LotR. That is too much change in the wrong areas.

I disagree. An enhanced relationship between Gimli and Legolas would bring a dimension of love and tenderness that only incredibly explicit gay elf/dwarf sex can impart. I feel confident that JRT would have included it if he had thought of it. Well I thought of it and I refuse to hide my talents any longer. In fact, just imagining it has inspired the first of what I'm sure will be many brilliant casting decisions: Ron Jeremy as Gimli.

[Morthoron]

If Tolkien weren't already dead, this thread would have killed him.

[Uruk's Bane]

Originally Posted by Morthoron

If Tolkien weren't already dead, this thread would have killed him.

Agreed.

[Inziladun]

This thread is having the effect of giving me great relief that no TV series is in the works, or will be in the foreseeable future. It's enough that I had to endure Warrior Princess�������™ Arwen. The last thing I need to see is Brokeback Mirkwood.