Beren and Lúthien - Changes needed

[Findegil]

BL-SL-05:

First, whence comes ‘Thirty are slain by twelve you claim’? Is this an editorial addition?

Yes, that is what BL-SL-05 really was about. My idea behind the move of these line was to eliminate the spezial mission of Boldog but hold him as a Orc leader, recently killed. But in the end the second line that is needed for metrical reasons does change the fights from that of Boldog to that of Beren and Felagund which are not around Doriath. This change is bad and therefore I am happy you catched that edit.

Still Boldog is to be kept, and why not his death at fights around Doriath? That such fights were commen is clear from the Narn were we hear from Beleg and Túrin fighting in Dimbar.
In your editing the 'Whom do ye serve, Light or Mirk?' comes very abrupt. Also why not hold the mention of Lúthien and only skip Morogth interest in her? Sauron is another matter, his interrest could even be a trick just to test his opponents. Therefore I suggest:

'Boldog, I heard, was lately slain
warring on the borders of that domain
where Robber Thingol and outlaw folk
cringe and crawl beneath elm and oak
in drear Doriath. Heard ye not then
of that pretty fay, of Lúthien?
BL-SL-05 {Her body is fair, very white and fair.
Morgoth would possess her in his lair.
Boldog he sent, but Boldog was slain:
strange ye were not in Boldog's train.}
Fierce is your chief, his frown is grim.
Little Lúthien! What troubles him?
Why laughs he not to think of his lord
crushing a maiden in his hoard,
that foul should be what once was clean,
that dark should be where light has been?

BL-RG-23; Lines 2507 and 2508; BL-RG-30; BL-RG-35 and BL-RG-38: Done.

BL-RG-40: I like your suggestion, but I for me the last line does now miss one syllable: 'Sauron's bats. What hast thou brought,' is only 7 syllables, or does I miss something?
In addition I would move BL-EX-11 from line 4227 to this passage if we mention her name here.


BL-SL-07: I don't agree to this. We skipt the disire of Morogth to posses Lúthien, but why should he not hear of the wanderings of Lúthien and ponder them and Thingols prupose?

BL-SL-08:
'kraft' for 'craft': Ups, thats my german coming through. Corrected.
{magic}[power]: I think that the change is needed. In Tolkien later writing magic has ever an evil conotation, which is unwanted here. Look at Galadriel reaktion to Sam speaking about 'elven-magic'.
'hallowing from' to 'hollwed by': Done.

BL-EX-17.3: Corrected.

In the third approach I have come through all your comments. I hope my one reactions might be helpfull.

Respectfuly
Findegil