The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Originally Posted by Blind Guardian

I was thinking more like Osama Bin Ladin.

But the weapons found on that picture of the bin are from Daleks.

Observe weaponry:



Therefore it is a Dalek Bin.

[Laurinquë]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

So DRINKO the Drinks Machine is back! I hope you're all happy with that. Apparently machinery can also go to the after life.

But of course. The smouldering spectre of cheap coffee never dies.

Hedgehogs Vs. Penguins The Showdown

And if we're splitting into factions, hedgehogs are awesome. It's always wise to choose the side that has lots of spines.

[Blind Guardian]

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

But the weapons found on that picture of the bin are from Daleks.

Observe weaponry:



Therefore it is a Dalek Bin.

HEY LOOK R2-D2!

[Glirdan]

Dalek Bins Of Doom!!!!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Now we return to your regularly scheduled Phantom and Alien...

Don't forget that if you've lost track of The Phantom and Alien, you can look back though the...

PHANTOM AND ALIEN
COMIC ARCHIVE THING

Yeah, if you're interested in P&A then a quick reminded from the archive might be useful after the Alien's Dad break. Just so you know.

Also, an idea has been floated for an animated version of Volume Three. What do you guys think? I could even farm out to some of you for voice talents if we get that far...

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Shouldn't that be Beef®?

[Galadriel55]

<3 this P&A! "You're not SUPPOSED to escape!" I love it!

[LadyBrooke]

*giggles* Hilarious P&A...so did Alien go to Arda Cup through the hole in the prison wall, and then come back and board it up?

....but I don't have a silly hat. Can I wear my pink and white Princess baseball hat instead?

On a more serious note, I think I shall read through the entire P&A archive, and the past issues of the newspaper as soon as I get a chance...as far as an animated version of P&A, it sounds wonderfully funny, though I'm afraid my voice is as high pitched as a little kids, so I would not make a good voice talent.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hi guys!!

I'm going to be giving the Downer a rest for three weeks - mostly due to Finlandmoot. Also, I think I really need to get away from it for a while and come back to it with a fresh set of eyes and possibly a new layer of skin.
Feel free to post your own rival newspapers while I'm away, if you wish.
THEY WILL BE JUDGED!

But, for this week only, here's a P&A!!

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

THE DOWNER DISAPPEARS IN A PUFF OF SMOKE

Barrowdowns, Eriador - The weekly newspaper known as the Downer has ceased publication after 256 issues, triggering a strong reaction among the community of wights.

Said one Oddwen: 'What will I use to clean up after my dog?'

According to the Barrow-wight Himself: 'This is preposterous! I just filed a libel suit against them!'

the phantom was quoted as saying: 'I finally get a rest from that highly fictional account of my life--Ah, blast, it's still there.'

Media personnel from other news groups, heretofore quashed in these parts due to the monopoly of The Downer, have converged at the scene of the disappearance, the printing press owned by one H. the Goomba, esq. Nothing was left of the said place, not even a crater or a brick, save for a note saying: 'Finlandmoot. Be back in three weeks.'

There have been rumours that the Barrowdowns Internal Revenue department has been preparing a tax evasion case against the aforementioned H. the Goomba, and that he has fled after hearing that a summons has been prepared and would be sent today.

According to Thenamir, head of the BIR: 'What tax evasion case? We don't even have a currency here! Unless you count barrels of ale as one.'

Reporters have contacted known citizens of Finland, but so far there has no response. Although a statement has been received from Thinlómien.

'Penguins, after him!'

Our field reporters shall continue this investigation after proper protection against penguins have been provided for. (Agence Felagundion Presse)

[Blind Guardian]

BARAD-DÛR NEWS

DRAGON ESCAPES

Due to a miscalculation by the orcs on duity a dragon snapped it's chain and flew off. Sauron himself flayed the orcs and sent a legion after the escaped Dragon. The Dragon left a mile of disturction through Mordor before exiting over the surounding mountains, leaving a little more then 3500 orcs dead. Warning: Sauron's not happy and the Witch-King has been seen.


MORGOTH RETURNS!

The Top Tower - A spokesorc has announced earlier today that the First Dark Lord Melkor "Morgoth" Bauglir has returned after a very long vacation. The Second Dark Lord has been noted to have said, "You [butt hole]! I told you not to announce his return! How dare you defy me, you [poop head]. I haven't yet figured out a way to get rid of him with out him knowing!" The spokesorc hasn't been seen since.

HE PLANS TO STOP THE PRINTING OF NEWSPAPER

805th floor - After the announcement of the First Dark Lord's return He has threatened Oddwen, the owner and editor of the Barad-Dûr Newspaper, that He will stop the printing of newspapers in Mordor if anything else is printed without His approval.
"What rubbish." Oddwen said, shaking, after meeting with the Second Dark Lord and God of All. "I have never printed anything that would suggest I don't support Him."


GOD OF ALL HAPPY AFTER ATTACK, DESTRUCTION
After an attack on a boarder city that left 115 dead and many houses burning the God of All is happy. God, silver, precious gems and an escaped Dragon were taken from the city earlier today. The Dragon is rumoured to be the same one that escaped yesterday. The town was up all night trying to evict the dragon an failed to see the oncoming legion that Our God sent after it.

[Aganzir]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

Feel free to post your own rival newspapers while I'm away, if you wish.
THEY WILL BE JUDGED!

Sure.

Once upon a time in a land flowing with beer and wurst, a stranger appeared. He was called Messy and his dress sense changed with the seasons. Quite often he would be observed window shopping in the most absurd manner possible.

This made Aganzir consider a new fetish - after all, she hadn't considered how attractive fish could be when skinned and boned - frying them though ruined it all. Nevertheless she strolled along until she met Hookbill who was carrying the phantom in his arms to the church. They had decided to get married and invited all the Barrow-Downers to the reception. Of course, this was a bad decision, in hindsight, as that included Thinlómien, who delighted in stealing the topper off the cake and generally causing an awkward silence broken only by Kath poking Shastanis Althreduin's guts with a stick.

Shasta, obviously, didn't quite approve, but having lost his arms and legs in a battle two years previously, there was little enough he could do about it. So Shasta was forced to join the guerilla gorillas, an infamous band of outlaws led by the fearless Redface Nogrod. Shasta soon became Nogrod's right-hand man and together they became known as the Terror Troop of the Wild West. Nothing could stop them until Sheriff Oddwen showed up and gunned Nogrod with her pink Kalashnikov. Nogrod died and was buried in the corner of the Central Park, right next to a playground. Five years later Lommy & Legate's child found his body and ate it, as she had been trained to do since birth by evil Auntie Aganzir.

Lommy howled at this and laid Legate's severed head at Volo's feet. Aganzir cackled in malicious glee and threw acid into the face of oncoming traffic!! It was so brutal that two exclamation marks were needed!! Both times. But not on the third time.

Anyway, people were getting bored and one by one they slipped away to play Apples to Apples. But it was not long till some of the ideas tossed around started to annoy morm, so we got nothing coherent out of him for quite some time. Not that we needed anything. Nogrod came up with the brilliant plan to make money by hiring the souls of his fellow Downers - those few who had souls obviously. He even tried selling Oddwen Malice's soul - for a ludicrous discounted price of two dollars and a cigarette, but Squatter had quit smoking years ago and got second thoughts almost the minute he made his offer.

Unfortunately for him, she accepted, and their baby was born nine months later. They named her Auschwitz-Birkenau because she was the most dreadful thing in the world. Well, right after Aganzir's twin sister Sharia, anyway.

**

Note: I didn't write this. Alone.

[Blind Guardian]

For some reason I thought you were satansaloser2005. Sounds like something she would write.