Narn I Chîn Húrin 1: Túrins Fostering

[Aran e-Godhellim]

Originally Posted by Findegil

Oh yes, these lines were a bit rough edited.

696: I do not like your solution over much what about:

700: I tried 'the brotherhood' instead of 'his brothers' but that is probably to long. What about:
701: I believe you mean 701 does not scan well. And I understand your concerns. But I can not find any fitting featur of geographie or soruonding which seemed better. Probably we should change the half line completly:
702: Not that easy either. But probably this is a good try:
to have a probably smoother read, hear a cleared version of complete add from the Lay:

Respectfully
Findegil

Not bad, but I'd alter it a bit. I think a new line is needed:

<Lay of the Children of Húrin {The}the dawn over {Doriath}[Narog] __ dimly kindled {695}
saw {Blodrin Bor's son}[Mîm the betrayer] __ by a beech standing[.]
{with}[His] throat {thriléd}[was thriled] __ by a thrusting arrow,
whose shaven shaft, __ shod with {poison}[iron],
and feather-wingéd, __ was fast in the tree. [5]
He bargained {the blood __ of his brothers for gold}[for gold __ the blood of his leige]: {700}
this his meed meted __ in {the mirk at random}[meeting with Húrin];
[Andróg, oathbreaker, __ at last was avenged]
by {an}[a] {orc-}[cruel] arrow __ his {oath}[curse] came home.

I added a line in, and altered the third line to get rid of a literary device Tolkien almost certainly would have removed. (the use of "ed" as a syllable)

I also changed "an cruel" to "a cruel," and proposed my own change to the "blood of his brothers" line. Here's an unmarked version:

the dawn over Narog __ dimly kindled
saw Mîm the betrayer __ by a beech standing.
His throat was thriled __ by a thrusting arrow,
whose shaven shaft, __ shod with iron,
and feather-wingéd, __ was fast in the tree.
He bargained for gold __ the blood of his leige:
this his meed meted __ in meeting with Húrin;
Andróg, oathbreaker, __ at last was avenged
by a cruel arrow __ his curse came home.