The Bad LotR Fan Fic Drinking Game

[Ibrîniðilpathânezel]

I couldn't make it past the "preface":

***NOTE: the Half-Maia comes from the Silmarillion. Sauron was known to have originated as a spirit called a Maia, which were sent down to Middle-Earth to help the Valar shape the world. They came before the race of man or even elves. Prior to the publication of The Silmarillion Sauron's origins and true identity were unclear to those without full access to Tolkien's notes. In early editions of Robert Foster's The Complete Guide to Middle-earth, Sauron is described as "probably of the Eldar elves." BUT I don’t have much information on them so I concluded that the Maia part of Dûrwen is what makes her like Sauron. Though she thinks of herself as “full” elf, the Maia qualities start to devour her thoughts, emotions and actions throughout the story, but become too strong for her as she gets closer to Mordor.

Okaaaay.... So much of this makes me cringe, I shuddered to think of the train wreck that would follow. As a lover of Tolkien's works, the apparent lack of understanding of his works boggles the mind. As a fan writer, it appalls me. If I had this little comprehension of what I was writing about, I wouldn't bother. And I have been asked why I insist on posting my stuff on my own website and not in any fanfic archives. This just sorta sums it up... "But I don't have much information on them..." ...so I went and wrote this story, anyway. Don't have much information on the Eldar... yeah, right.

How many shots does that preface alone get in the drinking game?

From what was quoted in Nerwen's earlier post, I suppose we ought to give Sauron credit for doing the right thing by Elaine and marrying her. Usually, his kids are the products of unspeakable horrors. Like him coming to personally oversee and participate in Celebrian's torture.

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Ibrîniðilpathânezel

"But I don't have much information on them..." ...so I went and wrote this story, anyway. Don't have much information on the Eldar... yeah, right.

But note the attempt to sound knowledgeable:

Prior to the publication of The Silmarillion Sauron's origins and true identity were unclear to those without full access to Tolkien's notes. In early editions of Robert Foster's The Complete Guide to Middle-earth, Sauron is described as "probably of the Eldar elves."

Want to bet those two sentences aren't copy-pasted from Wikipedia or something similar?

Originally Posted by Ibrîniðilpathânezel

From what was quoted in Nerwen's earlier post, I suppose we ought to give Sauron credit for doing the right thing by Elaine and marrying her. Usually, his kids are the products of unspeakable horrors. Like him coming to personally oversee and participate in Celebrian's torture.

Or kidnapping Mrs Thranduil and having his wicked way with her. There was one where he turned out to be Legolas' father...

[Oddwen]

Take a shot if a situation damaging to any romantic relationship occurs, such as Arwen walking in on Aragorn & Legolas kissing, and the angst goes on for chapters and chapters, but is solved in one small explanation (take two shots if it's in the heat of battle) such as "I was only kissing him to save the world." Because that's such an acceptable reason, after all.

Take a shot if everyone in the fic cries of angst at least once. Even Sauron.

Take a shot if a member of the Fellowship is an evil spy. Two shots if it's not Boromir.

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Oddwen

Take a shot if a situation damaging to any romantic relationship occurs, such as Arwen walking in on Aragorn & Legolas kissing, and the angst goes on for chapters and chapters, but is solved in one small explanation (take two shots if it's in the heat of battle) such as "I was only kissing him to save the world." Because that's such an acceptable reason, after all.

Take a shot if everyone in the fic cries of angst at least once. Even Sauron.

Take a shot if a member of the Fellowship is an evil spy. Two shots if it's not Boromir.

Excellent suggestions, Oddwen. I've seen ALL of them.

...I think I've seen too much.

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Ibrîniðilpathânezel

Okaaaay.... So much of this makes me cringe, I shuddered to think of the train wreck that would follow. As a lover of Tolkien's works, the apparent lack of understanding of his works boggles the mind. As a fan writer, it appalls me. If I had this little comprehension of what I was writing about, I wouldn't bother. And I have been asked why I insist on posting my stuff on my own website and not in any fanfic archives. This just sorta sums it up... "But I don't have much information on them..." ...so I went and wrote this story, anyway. Don't have much information on the Eldar... yeah, right.

Yet, as with all such dreadful drek, the story has an ardent fan (see the one 'review' of the story). It reminds me of the H.L. Mencken quote: "No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses..."