The Bad LotR Fan Fic Drinking Game

[Nerwen]

Well, we might have a few problems there, given that the rules include the following:

WEAPONS (No magical, super-hero, mithril weapons. Just good solid Middle-earth weapons and armor only that is appropriate to the race of the character and the time period.):

PERSONALITY/STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES: (No half-Elven characters. No mixed-type characters. No super-heroes. No assassins. No one all powerful, martial arts proficient, or having any magical traits. Just regular characters with normal abilities for their races only)

and this:

Please play your character realistically and within the boundaries of Middle Earth "reality". Don't act in ways that give you unfair advantages over other players.

also this:

"They were tall, fair of skin and grey-eyed, though their locks were dark, save in the golden house of Finrod; and their voices had more melodies than any mortal voice that is now heard . . .”

Please use this as a guideline for describing your Elven character’s appearance.

and even this:

Jedi Knights and lasers are not permitted.

What is wrong with these people? Why must they stifle our creativity?

What's a Mary Sue to do?

[Mithalwen]

Yes that would stymy my character plans....

[Lalaith]

an addition to my "cerulean orbs" comment: Drink a pint of Butterbeer if Frodo got them from his mum.

What are these orbs? Some kind of moobs?

I´d be up for this horror-RPG.

[Ibrîniðilpathânezel]

Ah,"cerulean orbs." Since I have seen fanfic writers use the term "orbs" to describe two very different parts of human anatomy (one specifically male), and on occasion in the same story, I really think they ought to settle on one or the other, else the reader think some poor character is freezing to death...

This reminds me of a tale I once heard of Anne McCaffrey's early years as a writer, in which her editor told her that there was a very fine word in the English language, "said," and she might consider using it more often.

And for the drinking game, would someone please rate this "summary" tidbit I just happened upon? For me, it's too ghastly to even think of reaching for the bottle (much less attempting to read the story):

A new member to the Fellowship. A mysterious elf, a sorceress, youngest daughter of Elrond and rider of the horse of Sauron. Leoglas and Kyra based. I decided Legolas should get a girl.

And no, I did not misspell Legolas. The author did. Sigh. And please don't ask me who Kyra is. I shudder to think, and really have no desire to know.

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Lush

Heroine/hero is the 10th member of the Fellowship - take a shot.

Legolas broods about his feelings for hero/heroine - take a shot.

(This will happen, obviously.)

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Hero/heroine has a special horse, which could basically be described as "Like Shadowfax, only much, much better". –take a shot.

Hero/heroine is allowed to join the Fellowship despite being a vampire/werewolf/half-orc/Sauron's kid/something else which has no business being there. –take two shots.[

(Look, how did she come to ride "Sauron's horse"? There's something funny going on.)

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

Elrond's second daughter - two shots (+bonus shot for half elf)

Originally Posted by Kitanna

Hero/Heroine is a wielder of magic in a Harry Potter, we can all be wizards, sort of way - take a shot.

And possibly:

Originally Posted by Ibrîniðilpathânezel

Hero/Heroine is Gandalf's apprentice ala Harry Potter (or, conversely, villain/villainess is Saruman/Sauron's apprentice, also ala Harry Potter). Two shots for one, three for both, four or more for both plus villain/ess reforms and becomes the apprentice's BFF (and probably Gandalf's newest apprentice).

There you go. At least eight shots, and you haven't even got past the synopsis.

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Ibrîniðilpathânezel

Ah,"cerulean orbs." Since I have seen fanfic writers use the term "orbs" to describe two very different parts of human anatomy (one specifically male), and on occasion in the same story, I really think they ought to settle on one or the other, else the reader think some poor character is freezing to death...

.

Snowballs?

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Ibrîniðilpathânezel

Ah,"cerulean orbs." Since I have seen fanfic writers use the term "orbs" to describe two very different parts of human anatomy (one specifically male), and on occasion in the same story, I really think they ought to settle on one or the other, else the reader think some poor character is freezing to death...

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

Snowballs?

Blue balls....ummm...in this case meaning...cold....snow balls. Errr...forget this post...post-haste.

[Mithalwen]

Well in the small hours I was wondering if it could be rendered into cod-Elvish as a name.... Sereluin Orbar was the best I could do with out waking up enough to consult reference works...

[Eönwë]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Well, we might have a few problems there, given that the rules include the following:

Basically you have to do the exact opposite of all those rules. It should probably go in mirth then...

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Well, we might have a few problems there, given that the rules include the following:

I have studied these two codicils housed within the Role-playing Moderation Pronouncement very carefully, and, having just watched 'A Man For All Seasons' just now, I am vey much in the mood for a philosophical debate (in the mode of Sir Thomas More) on the fit, form and function of the two aforementioned rulings.

1) In regards to weapons, I would say that there were, in fact, no recorded weapons in Middle-earth fashioned from mithril (mithril, being pliable, could not maintain the rigidity necessary for a tempered sword or axe blade). However, it can be reasonably assumed that a well-to-do dwarf could have a weapon inlayed with mithril, or could have accoutrements made of mithril as family heirlooms (whether coif, hauberk, baldric, helm etc.). Mithril is certainly rare, but a suffiecient amount was mined in Moria (and the bottomless mines are testament to the haul the dwarves took in) to assure a goodly amount is passed on from generation to generation (dwarves being the supreme hoarders, after all). The question here lies in what is reasonable. To have a dwarf fully caparisoned in mithril from head to toe is not reasonable; having some mithril armor is not.

As far as 'magical' weapons, that, of course, would depend on one's definition of magical, the time period one is discussing, and the relative status and race of the character in question. Elvish craftsman did imbue articles with their innate power. This is more readily apparent in the 1st and 2nd Ages (any work of Feanor, or Eol, or Celebrimbor, for instance), but this ability did not rest solely with such renowned masters. One only has to look to the work of the unnamed smiths of Gondolin (who crafted Orcrist, Glamdring and Sting -- magical blades by any other name), or the craft of the the Gwaith-i-Mirdain. In the 3rd Age, there are the Blades of Westernesse. Whether these blades came from Numenor is conjectural, given their title; however, considering these blades were woven with spells to unbind the spirit of the WitchKing, then they could have not been forged anywhere but in Arnor.

Given the fact that these perilous (and 'magic') blades were found accidently in a barrow (just as Sting and Glamdring happened to be in a troll horde for some poorly explained reason), then it is reasonable to assume that these are not the only blades of such caliber and quality and magicality hidden throughout Middle-earth (in the Barrow Downs, the Dead Marshes, in Rivendell, the Gray Havens, Forochel, Annúminas and Fornost). The smiths of Imladris had the ability to reforge Narsil into Anduril (Telchar of Nogrod, a dwarf, not an elf, first forged this magical blade), and there are many descriptions of it, shining as with a flame, covered with runes for Aragorn, as it was when it was still Narsil:

...the sword of Elendil filled Orcs and Men with fear, for it shone with the light of the sun and of the moon, and it was named Narsil. ...Thus Narsil came in due time to the hand of Valandil, Isildur's heir, in Imladris; but the blade was broken and its light extinguished, and it was not forged anew.

2) In regards to personality strengths and weaknesses (and the prohibition on half-elves and magical traits), again, there are very few unions of elves and men, at least withing the context of LotR; however, the tale of Prince Imrahil's ancestor Imrazor and his Silvan bride gives pause to making a blanket statement that there were only those unions germane to Aragorn's story. Let us say instead there were those important in context to the story, but they were not necessarily the only such unions that occurred.

As far as magical traits, what is reasonable? The Noldor of Aman are noted for their duality of spirit, incomparable craftsmanship and powers beyond that of the Sindar or Moriquendi; The Silvan Elves of Mirkwood disappeared in a flash when their feasting was confronted by the dwarves; Eol, a Teleri, wove spells around Nan Elmoth, and the Silvan elves of Lothlorien crafted the world's first camoflage cloaks (almost chameleon-like in their adaptability). It is true that Men, Hobbits and Dwarves lack magical propensities (although it can be argued that the dwarves had innate powers that declined over the ages). But, as Gandalf intimated, there are many magic rings in the world (other than the one, three, seven and nine), and many lost items of great lineage laying about that could aid a muggle...ummm...a non-magical personage.

Bah! I suppose we'll end up in the Mirth section.

Originally Posted by Lalaith

I´d be up for this horror-RPG.

You are more than welcome to join, Lalaith.

Originally Posted by Ibrîniðilpathânezel

And for the drinking game, would someone please rate this "summary" tidbit I just happened upon? For me, it's too ghastly to even think of reaching for the bottle (much less attempting to read the story):

And no, I did not misspell Legolas. The author did. Sigh. And please don't ask me who Kyra is. I shudder to think, and really have no desire to know.

An Elfess sorceress, who is a daughter of Elrond, rides Sauron's pestilential pony, and gets to mate with Leoglas? Good lord, this could only be inimitable and renowned Kyra of the Thousand Sorrows! Ummm...actually, I made that last bit up. I have no idea who Kyra is. *shudders*

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Morthoron

1) In regards to weapons, I would say that there were, in fact, no recorded weapons in Middle-earth fashioned from mithril (mithril, being pliable, could not maintain the rigidity necessary for a tempered sword or axe blade).

On that note, my character is going to have a mithril bow.

Originally Posted by Morthoron

An Elfess sorceress, who is a daughter of Elrond, rides Sauron's pestilential pony, and gets to mate with Leoglas? Good lord, this could only be inimitable and renowned Kyra of the Thousand Sorrows! Ummm...actually, I made that last bit up. I have no idea who Kyra is. *shudders*

Google reveals that she was in fact Kyra, the White Sorceress. The fic has –alas!– been deleted.

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Google reveals that she was in fact Kyra, the White Sorceress. The fic has –alas!– been deleted.

I prefer Kyra of the Thousand Sorrows as a more melodramatic title (and she, of course, should have cerulean orbs). Perhaps the author of the said...ummm...piece needs a ghost writer.