Let's not cast the Silmarillion - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Morthoron · 07-01-2008, 06:53 PM

Chuck Norris as Old Hurin. Even after spending decades imprisoned by Morgoth, you don't **** with Chuck.

Then we add Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sly Stallone, Milla Jovovich, Dolph Lundgren (already mentioned), The Rock (already mentioned), Kevin Sorbo (already mentioned), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Marc Singer (Dar of Beastmaster) and Lou Ferrigno (what part each plays is inconsequential, isn't it?), and have the B-Grade action movie of the century: 'The Silmarillion: Armageddon in Middle-earth'.

Perhaps even add Jet Li and Jackie Chan as Easterlings.

P.S. And a cameo by Val Kilmer as Fingolfin, who will smile in defiance of Morgoth and say, "I'll be your huckleberry."

P.P.S. In the extended version feature section (Disc Four), Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone practicing their English accents together.

Ibrîniðilpathânezel · 07-01-2008, 08:47 PM

Perhaps Shatner and Sorbo might manage to pull off the Two Trees...

Lush · 07-07-2008, 06:45 AM

We could potentially just cast William Shatner as everyone, methinks.

There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.

Morthoron · 07-08-2008, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lush

We could potentially just cast William Shatner as everyone, methinks.

There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.

Well, if we are seeking actors on a more intellectual level, Rob Schneider and Will Ferrell come to mind. Perhaps Adam Sandler as Beren and Drew Barrymore as Luthien.

Bêthberry · 07-08-2008, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lush

There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind.

Hasselhoff surely will bring the fullest elements to the crucial aspect of elven hair. Maybe the colour isn't exactly right, but his casting could ensure that his elven character would never have a bad hair day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morthoron

Perhaps Adam Sandler as Beren and Drew Barrymore as Luthien.

I had been toying with the idea of suggesting Ben Stiller as Beren, but kept being haunted by the aspect of Thingol and Melian as Mr and Mrs Focker and I was trying very hard to keep Rune's advisory in mind not to turn this into a comedy. So I desisted.

Mithalwen · 07-08-2008, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

I had been toying with the idea of suggesting Ben Stiller as Beren, but kept being haunted by the aspect of Thingol and Melian as Mr and Mrs Focker and I was trying very hard to keep Rune's advisory in mind not to turn this into a comedy. So I desisted.

So it has to be seriously bad?

Bêthberry · 07-08-2008, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

So it has to be seriously bad?

"hideous travesty" is what the rules on Nerwen's first post say. Like Beauty, I think the meaning of that lies in the eye of the beholder--and poster.

A Little Green · 07-10-2008, 04:33 AM

For sure, Keira Knightley must be Lúthien - there never was an actress whose looks and skills were more overrated.

So why not cast Orlando Bloom as Beren and have them repeat their - ah, so credible - romance from Pirates of the Carribbean?

Schwartzenegger is a must - but for what role? It's long since I last read the Sil.. Is there some silent, rather grim hero who could do with a few short lines?

Oh, and Pierce Brosnan as Túrin. "My name is Turambar, Túrin Turambar."

07-01-2008, 06:53 PM	#1
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	Chuck Norris as Old Hurin. Even after spending decades imprisoned by Morgoth, you don't **** with Chuck. Then we add Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sly Stallone, Milla Jovovich, Dolph Lundgren (already mentioned), The Rock (already mentioned), Kevin Sorbo (already mentioned), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Marc Singer (Dar of Beastmaster) and Lou Ferrigno (what part each plays is inconsequential, isn't it?), and have the B-Grade action movie of the century: 'The Silmarillion: Armageddon in Middle-earth'. Perhaps even add Jet Li and Jackie Chan as Easterlings. P.S. And a cameo by Val Kilmer as Fingolfin, who will smile in defiance of Morgoth and say, "I'll be your huckleberry." P.P.S. In the extended version feature section (Disc Four), Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone practicing their English accents together. __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. Last edited by Morthoron; 07-01-2008 at 09:07 PM.

07-01-2008, 08:47 PM	#2
Ibrîniðilpathânezel Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Back on the Helcaraxe Posts: 733	Perhaps Shatner and Sorbo might manage to pull off the Two Trees... __________________ Call me Ibrin (or Ibri) :) Originality is the one thing that unoriginal minds cannot feel the use of. — John Stewart Mill

07-07-2008, 06:45 AM	#3
Lush Fair and Cold Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: the big onion Posts: 1,770	We could potentially just cast William Shatner as everyone, methinks. There's also David Hasselhoff to consider, though. For an intellectual role. Finrod Felagund comes to mind. __________________ ~The beginning is the word and the end is silence. And in between are all the stories. This is one of mine~

07-10-2008, 04:33 AM	#8
A Little Green Leaf-clad Lady Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 1,571	For sure, Keira Knightley must be Lúthien - there never was an actress whose looks and skills were more overrated. So why not cast Orlando Bloom as Beren and have them repeat their - ah, so credible - romance from Pirates of the Carribbean? Schwartzenegger is a must - but for what role? It's long since I last read the Sil.. Is there some silent, rather grim hero who could do with a few short lines? Oh, and Pierce Brosnan as Túrin. "My name is Turambar, Túrin Turambar." __________________ "But some stories, small, simple ones about setting out on adventures or people doing wonders, tales of miracles and monsters, have outlasted all the people who told them, and some of them have outlasted the lands in which they were created."