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Old 02-29-2008, 01:46 PM   #1
Tar-Elara
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Dark-Eye Worst Middle Earth Occupations

While doing rather meaningless tasks at my job, I began to wonder what the worst occupations in Middle Earth would look like. Here is what I have come up with so far:

1. Dentist to the Mouth of Sauron.
2. Shire Nutritionist.
3. Harbinger of bad news to Morgoth.
4. Feanors anger management coach.
5. Orkin man in the realm of Mordor.
6. Polisher of Grond.

Please add on if you wish....
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Old 02-29-2008, 01:53 PM   #2
Mithalwen
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Mithalwen is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Mithalwen is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Mithalwen is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Mithalwen is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Well if we can stretch Middle Earth to include Numenor then I should think that being Aldarion and Erendis' marriage guidance counsellor would have been a bit of a challenge...
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Old 03-04-2008, 04:04 AM   #3
Eomer of the Rohirrim
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Nice thread.

Balrog dance-instructor.
Go-between for Ent negotiations.
Orc lawyer.
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Old 03-04-2008, 12:18 PM   #4
Tar-Elara
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hehe. Absolutely hilarious, yet slightly disturbing, image of a Balrog in a pink tutu!
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Old 03-10-2008, 04:21 PM   #5
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Thumbs up

- Hobbit dietician

- Oliphant cage cleaner

- Elven funeral director (not much business, really... They are actually behind a lot of the wars the Elves get into)

- Sauron's optician.
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Old 03-11-2008, 07:10 AM   #6
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I feel sorry for whoever had to clean Sauron's contact lenses. I also feel sorry for Gollum's therapist.
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Old 03-17-2008, 01:20 PM   #7
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Captain of the last ship into Numenor.

Gothmog troll bodyguard.

Fangorn forester.
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Old 03-19-2008, 07:58 AM   #8
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-Mordorian census-taker.
-Barad-dur marketing representive.
-Highway patrol. Anywhere.
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Old 05-14-2008, 10:30 PM   #9
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- moving target practice for Elven archers
- the messenger that told Morgoth the Valar were coming
- a defender of Osgiliath
-an Elf set to guard Gollum
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Old 05-14-2008, 10:53 PM   #10
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Dark-Eye

- moving target practice for Elven archers
- the messenger that told Morgoth the Valar were coming
- a defender of Osgiliath
-an Elf set to guard Gollum
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Old 05-15-2008, 01:13 AM   #11
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Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Hmmmm....worst professions?

1) Hobbit podiatrist ('Well, I wouldn't be very proud of those feet, Mr. Proudfoot.')
2) Dwarvish matchmaker ('Oh, you'll love her beard, Mr. Stonehelm, it's...ummm...just like yours!')
3) Arborist in Fangorn ('I was just trying to prune some dead branches. How did I know he was an Ent?')
4) Hospitality Director at Mordor's Center for Tourism
5) Gollum's psychoanalyst
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Old 05-15-2008, 09:28 PM   #12
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The poor wretch that puts on armor, loin cloth, whatever on the the troll
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Old 05-22-2008, 05:54 AM   #13
kementari
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White-Hand Sauron's Tailor

having to take the inner leg measurements from under his cloak...eww
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Old 06-08-2009, 04:33 PM   #14
Hakon
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Sauron's Interior Designer

Dwarf Barber

Orc Chef

Feanor's Lawyer

Boromir's Private Doctor
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Old 06-08-2009, 05:28 PM   #15
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- Turin's anger management councillor

- vegan shopowner in the Shire

- Gollum's dentist (and that's without even getting
into making Smeagol a set of dentures)
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:44 AM   #16
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Thumbs up

- shoemakers in the Shire
- Denethor's therapist
- Smeagol's grandmother... having to tell the kids to not fight over rings.

I fancy Denethor's cook to have not a very bad time though, and so do Thranduil's wine tasters.
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Legal Madness.
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Old 06-10-2009, 01:46 PM   #17
Hakon
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Balrog Hunter

Staff Polisher for Gandalf
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Last edited by Hakon; 06-12-2009 at 01:49 PM.
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Old 06-10-2009, 01:54 PM   #18
mormegil
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mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.
Lead Janitor of Mordor, orcs can be such nasty foul creatures.
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Old 06-12-2009, 01:01 PM   #19
Erendis
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Silmaril

Plastic surgeon in Rivendel
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Old 06-12-2009, 01:50 PM   #20
Hakon
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Fashion Designer for Orcs and Trolls.
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Old 06-12-2009, 02:23 PM   #21
Erendis
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Inn's owner in the Wild
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Old 06-12-2009, 02:45 PM   #22
Hakon
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Okay this is just a bit stereotypical but I couldn't resist.

Aragorn's mother in law. I mean like if he were not with Arwen. I could picture her nagging him.
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Old 06-12-2009, 02:51 PM   #23
Erendis
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Just imagine her:
''Were the Mordor(hell)have you been?Alas my daughter that didn't listen to my advice and got married to you!She does this all alone to give you spare time and YOU ARE NOT KING YET!''
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Old 06-12-2009, 02:54 PM   #24
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"Look at that throne there. It has dirt on it. If you are going to be a King you need a clean throne. Why does your sword have blood on it? Are you abusing my daughter?"

If Sauron had a mother in law that would just be really funny.
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Old 06-12-2009, 02:57 PM   #25
Erendis
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"Why do you wear maskarah,Cursed(dear)?Shouldn't you fire these wights and hire at last a proper buttler?And that jerk to stay away my grandchildren until he washes his teeth!''
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Old 12-27-2010, 05:59 PM   #26
Galadriel55
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Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
Ugluk's housekeeper certainly has a tough job!
Master Ugluk, would you please start taking off your boots when you come home?
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- These taxes, they are like sacrifices to tribal gods?
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Old 12-28-2010, 04:27 PM   #27
Blind Guardian
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Barad-Dr painters! ("We're all out of black!")
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Tom was poet bot. Tom only sold soul for art. Tom suffered. Mith mithed Tom
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Old 12-28-2010, 06:44 PM   #28
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
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Barad-Dr painters! ("We're all out of black!")
Most of the upper rooms are bright pink and furnished with fluffy sofas.
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THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 01-09-2011, 07:53 PM   #29
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Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
Saruman's orc-scout in Fangorn Forest.
Orc dressmaker.
Treebeard's time management guide.
Anyone holding a birthday party for an Elf - Happy nine hundred seventy six thousand eight hundred and thirty fifth birthday, sir! What hall will you spare for the storage of the candles?
A tourist in the Barrow Downs. That is, the real Barrow Downs.
Gollum's cook.
Glaurung's optician.
Legolas' secretary - Legolas, sir, 30 appointments per day is not enough. You'll have to change the schedule to 50 appointments a day - there already is a line of about two thousand fangirls requesting a meeting...
Smaug's bank accountant (that's what it's called, isn't it?)
The person who does Gandalf's laundry - you naughty wizard, you've stained your beautiful white robes again!!!
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- These taxes, they are like sacrifices to tribal gods?
- Well, roughly speaking, but paying taxes is more painful.
Doctor Who: The Sun Makers

Last edited by Galadriel55; 01-09-2011 at 08:26 PM.
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Old 01-13-2011, 08:11 PM   #30
Blind Guardian
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Barad-Dr sword sharpener
Butcher in Izenguard
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" his name is Melkor, Lord of All, Giver of Freedeom, and he shall make you stronger than they." Sauron to Ar-Pharazn
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Tom was poet bot. Tom only sold soul for art. Tom suffered. Mith mithed Tom
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Old 01-14-2011, 01:15 PM   #31
Nessa Telrunya
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1.Gollum's voice coach
2.Saruman's laundry person(because of his socks!)
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Old 01-14-2011, 02:10 PM   #32
Galadriel55
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Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
A herb-master in Isengard.
Aragorn's boot polisher.
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- These taxes, they are like sacrifices to tribal gods?
- Well, roughly speaking, but paying taxes is more painful.
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Old 01-16-2011, 03:12 PM   #33
Nessa Telrunya
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Warg groomer
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Old 01-21-2011, 09:19 PM   #34
Blind Guardian
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Sauron's dentist
Maedhros's hand (yeah, that's really getting annoying)
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" his name is Melkor, Lord of All, Giver of Freedeom, and he shall make you stronger than they." Sauron to Ar-Pharazn
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Tom was poet bot. Tom only sold soul for art. Tom suffered. Mith mithed Tom

Last edited by Blind Guardian; 01-21-2011 at 09:26 PM.
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Old 01-22-2011, 09:31 AM   #35
Galadriel55
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Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
Sauron's optitian.
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- These taxes, they are like sacrifices to tribal gods?
- Well, roughly speaking, but paying taxes is more painful.
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