The Barrow Downs Newspaper - Page 17 - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Hookbill the Goomba · 12-29-2007, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by THE Ka

My hat is off to the performance of the balloon as well, they had such perfect stance and balance. A good supporting role...

Yes, the balloon was a stroke of genius. We were wondering 'How do we make it look like a party?' then the answer came in through the window! A Tramp with 'Balloon' tattooed on his face.

Diamond18 · 12-30-2007, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

This week, Diamond requested that her cats be involved some how. Despite my claims that animals that go anywhere near Alien usually end up dead, she insisted. So, here is what happened...

My boys are immortalized and now officially part of Phantom and Alien mythology! *sniff* I'm so proud!

Bêthberry · 12-30-2007, 12:07 PM

I must register a protest. This does not look like a Christmas special at all to me. There are no flying reindeer, no elves of any particular breed, nor any noggin's of egg. Surely we could have had the true and full story behind Alfie the Santa Elf but I suppose that was nixed by davem of the Yard.

It really sounds suspiciously like a pre-emptive affair for Hogmanay. That's the big party by all accounts of northern mythologies. Perhaps this coming week those dark and handsome cats walk down from the ceiling for first footing.

Yours truly,
a disgruntled lurker

Hookbill the Goomba · 12-31-2007, 03:34 AM

For this week, thar be trouble a brewin'.

Alien has some strange ideas as usual.

Quote:

I must register a protest. This does not look like a Christmas special at all to me. There are no flying reindeer, no elves of any particular breed, nor any noggin's of egg. Surely we could have had the true and full story behind Alfie the Santa Elf but I suppose that was nixed by davem of the Yard.

Your complaint has been noted, filed and burned.

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 12-31-2007, 01:37 PM

Ummm... If I have been hacked to death, what will you do with my remains?

Hookbill the Goomba · 12-31-2007, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

Ummm... If I have been hacked to death, what will you do with my remains?

They'll be televised for the 'gross out factor'.

Lalwendë · 12-31-2007, 01:55 PM

Hookbill has brought back traumatic memories of Scariest Pop Video Ever with the chicken mincer thing, namely Another Brick In The Wall where the kids get minced by the scary teacher with a head like a hammer. It gave me nightmares as a kid, it still gives me nightmares now.

McCaber · 12-31-2007, 02:12 PM

I love how The Phantom is cool with the liquidizer. I guess living with Alien gets you accustomed to these sort of things.

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 12-31-2007, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

They'll be televised for the 'gross out factor'.

I see, would it be like that show Fear Factor? Being hacked to death doesn't feel very good... and being Barrow Wights, wouldn't you already be dead?

Bêthberry · 12-31-2007, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

Your complaint has been noted, filed and burned.

Glad to see I helped contribute to your celebrations of Hogmanay. Now what was it--fireball swinging you were doing, or practice for the burning of the clavie?

Hookbill the Goomba · 12-31-2007, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

and being Barrow Wights, wouldn't you already be dead?

Stop pointing out inaccuracies in my logic!

Besides all this, since when has The Downer allowed facts or reality to affect its content?

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 12-31-2007, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

Stop pointing out inaccuracies in my logic!

Besides all this, since when has The Downer allowed facts or reality to affect its content?

Why should I stop pointing them out? It's so much fun!

Hmmmm... I have no idea. But, it's still fun to point out the obvious!

That's just my job!

Groin Redbeard · 12-31-2007, 07:58 PM

All week I can't wait for the Hookbill to come out with another Downer Newspaper. Awsome work Hookbill, keep it up!

And don't worry I've dyed my beard back from yellow to red.

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 12-31-2007, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Groin Redbeard

All week I can't wait for the Hookbill to come out with another Downer Newspaper. Awsome work Hookbill, keep it up!

Oh yes, I look back at this thread many many times over the week! I can't wait to see next week!

Lalwendë · 01-01-2008, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

Glad to see I helped contribute to your celebrations of Hogmanay. Now what was it--fireball swinging you were doing, or practice for the burning of the clavie?

You make Parbold sound like something out of the League of Gentlemen...oh, wait a minute...

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 01-03-2008, 01:43 PM

You know what would be great? Having the Downer come out twice a week! That would just be awesome!

McCaber · 01-03-2008, 04:12 PM

I don't want to put Hookbill through that much work. Once a week is fine by me.

Gwathagor · 01-04-2008, 02:10 AM

As far as I'm concerned, Hookbill, your newspaper is nothing short of brilliant. Well done. Funny AND deep.

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-04-2008, 04:57 AM

Back in the early days I had concidered making it a Daily Newspaper.

I very quickly realised what a tremendously stupid idea that was. It would have become so much less funny very quickly and I'm sure I would have been driven out of town. I have made front pages and come back to them a few days later and thought 'Actually, that's probably quite offensive!' and done something different.

EDIT:

I think I had better admit now that there were some that I thought too risky in the early days which I eventually did do later on. I'm not going to say which. But there are worse ones. It will be interesting to see where the line is drawn.

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 01-04-2008, 11:33 AM

Hmmm... You're probably right, I was on the yearbook staff at my school and it took a lot of hard work to get that thing out, and we were working on it all year long. Sorry if I offended you.

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-07-2008, 04:16 AM

The Downer: don't just use it to swat flies...

This week, the youngest Downer makes a guest appearance...

Lhunardawen · 01-07-2008, 08:38 AM

This week's P&A reminds me of Terry Pratchett's Thud! - Death is having a near-little child (as Alien called him) experience.

Quote:

If you find any lies in this Newspaper, just be glad they are not about you...

There are no lies in the Downer! I have a feeling Lhunardawen's bound to escape from that pit soon, and the next time she'll be out to get baby penguins.

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 01-07-2008, 08:39 AM

Hookbill, the Phantom and Alien this week is horrible! How could you do such a thing!?!?!??!?!?!?!

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-07-2008, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lhunardawen

This week's P&A reminds me of Terry Pratchett's Thud! - Death is having a near-little child (as Alien called him) experience.

I've never got that far with the Discworld books, so I'll take your word for it.

Is it true you will only be stealing penguin children because Dragonlings have a tendency to burn one's face off? I know this from experience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

Hookbill, the Phantom and Alien this week is horrible! How could you do such a thing?

I'm sure this is not the worst thing Alien has ever done. Remember the mass grave digging from a few episodes back? Can't be good. Funny, but not good.

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 01-07-2008, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I'm sure this is not the worst thing Alien has ever done. Remember the mass grave digging from a few episodes back? Can't be good. Funny, but not good.

Or the slave children? I'll always remember that one... I think Laurinque was at my house when I read that one! We both thought it was hilarious....... and the post afterwards about how someone took it off the Downs is just funny as funny can be!

Lalwendë · 01-08-2008, 04:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

Hookbill, the Phantom and Alien this week is horrible! How could you do such a thing!?!?!??!?!?!?!

What Alien is unaware of is that Ye Child possesses fivefold Superhero powers. Like The Trump Of Doom, which renders all foes helplessly immobile due to the toxic gases. And The Power Vomit, a strange force he uses to project noxious substances some distance and can make his opponents blind. Occasionally he also uses his Jet Stream to soak your clothes through, too, so you must leave the room to change and he uses that time to concoct more cunning plans. Then there is also the King Karate Kick, a sinister power which has the ability to swiftly remove your plate of toast from your knee, and is generally a warning of much worse to come. As it's usually followed by the Kraken Wakening, his most powerful force, which has the whole neighbourhood awake and alert and attending to his every whim...

...against such an array of forces mere mortals are powerless...

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 01-08-2008, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

What Alien is unaware of is that Ye Child possesses fivefold Superhero powers. Like The Trump Of Doom, which renders all foes helplessly immobile due to the toxic gases. And The Power Vomit, a strange force he uses to project noxious substances some distance and can make his opponents blind. Occasionally he also uses his Jet Stream to soak your clothes through, too, so you must leave the room to change and he uses that time to concoct more cunning plans. Then there is also the King Karate Kick, a sinister power which has the ability to swiftly remove your plate of toast from your knee, and is generally a warning of much worse to come. As it's usually followed by the Kraken Wakening, his most powerful force, which has the whole neighbourhood awake and alert and attending to his every whim...

...against such an array of forces mere mortals are powerless...

Well, maybe Alien would not be able to stand it.... But then again he is Alien and I don't this that he is mortal per se...

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-08-2008, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

But then again he is Alien and I don't this that he is mortal per se...

Correction: I don't think he is moral per se.

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 01-08-2008, 08:51 AM

So that would mean that he was immortal and unmoral? Because you can be that... Just look at Melkor!!!!

Groin Redbeard · 01-08-2008, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

So that would mean that he was immortal and unmoral? Because you can be that... Just look at Melkor!!!!

Are you comparing the Alien to Melkor?!

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-08-2008, 12:41 PM

Unless you have an article on Alien's mortality and morality (or lack there of), I would advise cutting the chat if you please. Not even he can stop the onslaught of squirrels.

Incidentally, I've always thought of Alien as more of an enigma. Not really interested in anything other than self amusement and the pursuit of a laugh and possibly money. Whether or not he is immortal or immoral is irrelevant to him, I would have thought. But hey, what do I know, all I did was invent the beggar.

Groin Redbeard · 01-13-2008, 06:02 PM

Yay, I'm so excited! Week 80 should be arriving soon!

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-14-2008, 02:43 AM

A new week, but not very... erm... Greek?

This week, I couldn't think of any jokes for the Phantom and Alien....

Lalwendë · 01-14-2008, 04:27 AM

I'm freaked out...davem with short hair!

Thinlómien · 01-14-2008, 06:14 AM

I'm freaked out too... but small wonder as that article was written by a nasty dragon...

Volo · 01-14-2008, 09:47 AM

I freaked out too too... the article about alatar is truly magnificent!

Groin Redbeard · 01-14-2008, 11:39 AM

I love the story about Nogrod and Thinlomien!

keep it up.

P.S. Yes, I did freak out.

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-14-2008, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinlómien

I'm freaked out too... but small wonder as that article was written by a nasty dragon...

I'll have you know that Frank is a very respectable fellow and the fact that he only got promoted to that position because all the others in line were hideously burned has nothing to do with it.

I was going to die Davem's hair pink, but then couldn't be bothered. I may do it at some point though.

How freaked out would you be then?

Gwathagor · 01-14-2008, 02:33 PM

Where is it? Where's week 80? I can't find it.

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-14-2008, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gwathagor

Where is it? Where's week 80? I can't find it.

Click the link in my signature, or try this:

http://i3.tinypic.com/6yezvqr.jpg

12-30-2007, 12:07 PM	#643
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 6,003	I must register a protest. This does not look like a Christmas special at all to me. There are no flying reindeer, no elves of any particular breed, nor any noggin's of egg. Surely we could have had the true and full story behind Alfie the Santa Elf but I suppose that was nixed by davem of the Yard. It really sounds suspiciously like a pre-emptive affair for Hogmanay. That's the big party by all accounts of northern mythologies. Perhaps this coming week those dark and handsome cats walk down from the ceiling for first footing. Yours truly, a disgruntled lurker __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.

12-31-2007, 01:37 PM	#645
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,230	Ummm... If I have been hacked to death, what will you do with my remains? __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

12-31-2007, 01:55 PM	#647
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	Hookbill has brought back traumatic memories of Scariest Pop Video Ever with the chicken mincer thing, namely Another Brick In The Wall where the kids get minced by the scary teacher with a head like a hammer. It gave me nightmares as a kid, it still gives me nightmares now. __________________ Gordon's alive!

12-31-2007, 02:12 PM	#648
McCaber Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Skyrim, again. Posts: 820	I love how The Phantom is cool with the liquidizer. I guess living with Alien gets you accustomed to these sort of things. __________________ Werewolves vs. Fishmen. The battle of the century.

12-31-2007, 07:58 PM	#653
Groin Redbeard Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Facing the world's troubles with Christ's hope! Posts: 1,635	All week I can't wait for the Hookbill to come out with another Downer Newspaper. Awsome work Hookbill, keep it up! And don't worry I've dyed my beard back from yellow to red. __________________ I heard the bells on Christmas Day. Their old, familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeatof peace on earth, good-will to men! ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Last edited by Groin Redbeard; 12-31-2007 at 09:21 PM.

01-03-2008, 01:43 PM	#656
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,230	You know what would be great? Having the Downer come out twice a week! That would just be awesome! __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

01-03-2008, 04:12 PM	#657
McCaber Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Skyrim, again. Posts: 820	I don't want to put Hookbill through that much work. Once a week is fine by me. __________________ Werewolves vs. Fishmen. The battle of the century.

01-04-2008, 02:10 AM	#658
Gwathagor Shade with a Blade Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: A Rainy Night In Soho Posts: 2,512	As far as I'm concerned, Hookbill, your newspaper is nothing short of brilliant. Well done. Funny AND deep. __________________ Stories and songs.

01-04-2008, 04:57 AM	#659
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Back in the early days I had concidered making it a Daily Newspaper. I very quickly realised what a tremendously stupid idea that was. It would have become so much less funny very quickly and I'm sure I would have been driven out of town. I have made front pages and come back to them a few days later and thought 'Actually, that's probably quite offensive!' and done something different. EDIT: I think I had better admit now that there were some that I thought too risky in the early days which I eventually did do later on. I'm not going to say which. But there are worse ones. It will be interesting to see where the line is drawn. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 01-04-2008 at 11:39 AM.

01-04-2008, 11:33 AM	#660
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,230	Hmmm... You're probably right, I was on the yearbook staff at my school and it took a lot of hard work to get that thing out, and we were working on it all year long. Sorry if I offended you. __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

01-07-2008, 04:16 AM	#661
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	The Downer: don't just use it to swat flies... This week, the youngest Downer makes a guest appearance... __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 09-13-2009 at 03:06 AM.

01-07-2008, 08:39 AM	#663
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,230	Hookbill, the Phantom and Alien this week is horrible! How could you do such a thing!?!?!??!?!?!?! __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

01-08-2008, 08:51 AM	#669
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,230	So that would mean that he was immortal and unmoral? Because you can be that... Just look at Melkor!!!! __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

01-08-2008, 12:41 PM	#671
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Unless you have an article on Alien's mortality and morality (or lack there of), I would advise cutting the chat if you please. Not even he can stop the onslaught of squirrels. Incidentally, I've always thought of Alien as more of an enigma. Not really interested in anything other than self amusement and the pursuit of a laugh and possibly money. Whether or not he is immortal or immoral is irrelevant to him, I would have thought. But hey, what do I know, all I did was invent the beggar. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

01-13-2008, 06:02 PM	#672
Groin Redbeard Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Facing the world's troubles with Christ's hope! Posts: 1,635	Yay, I'm so excited! Week 80 should be arriving soon! __________________ I heard the bells on Christmas Day. Their old, familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeatof peace on earth, good-will to men! ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

01-14-2008, 02:43 AM	#673
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	A new week, but not very... erm... Greek? This week, I couldn't think of any jokes for the Phantom and Alien.... __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 09-13-2009 at 03:08 AM.

01-14-2008, 04:27 AM	#674
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	I'm freaked out...davem with short hair! __________________ Gordon's alive!

01-14-2008, 06:14 AM	#675
Thinlómien Shady She-Penguin Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: In a far land beyond the Sea Posts: 8,093	I'm freaked out too... but small wonder as that article was written by a nasty dragon... __________________ Like the stars chase the sun, over the glowing hill I will conquer Blood is running deep, some things never sleep Double Fenris

01-14-2008, 09:47 AM	#676
Volo Silver in My Silent Heart Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: the great beauty Posts: 1,611	I freaked out too too... the article about alatar is truly magnificent! __________________ Fenris Wolf The EVEN NEWER Barrow-Downs Photo Page

01-14-2008, 11:39 AM	#677
Groin Redbeard Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Facing the world's troubles with Christ's hope! Posts: 1,635	I love the story about Nogrod and Thinlomien! keep it up. P.S. Yes, I did freak out. __________________ I heard the bells on Christmas Day. Their old, familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeatof peace on earth, good-will to men! ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

01-14-2008, 02:33 PM	#679
Gwathagor Shade with a Blade Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: A Rainy Night In Soho Posts: 2,512	Where is it? Where's week 80? I can't find it. __________________ Stories and songs.