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Old 05-04-2007, 05:34 PM   #11
Nogrod
Flame of the Ainulindalė
 
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Just great! I do love this text!

And it reminds me of my days at the university as well...

But to make a semi-critical point also: you seem to have adopted a systematic way of cutting the sentences with a comma before every "and". That was the first thing that I noticed. Then I started seeing more rhytmical punctuations that made me think of the style and sounding of the sentences written there. And they were getting increasingly familiar...

I don't know if that's a conscious decision, but for what I know that's the Vulgata Latin and not the classical or "archaic" or the "later" one.

Using Vulgata's Biblical dicta might be well grounded in regards to Tolkien's text (he himself seems to be somewhat happy with a similar kind of solution but the English version feels not as underlinedly Biblical as this Latin translation). I do not wish to challenge your choice if it's a deliberate one anyhow.

But to my ears it sounds more like the Vulgata (very humanly mistranslated as all the historians know and as such more than a child of it's time) than the Ur-Myth from the distant past I myself see Tolkien's Ainulindalė to "come from" or where I would see Tolkien to reach out.

But that's a minor point and anyway your version is just splendid!
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Last edited by Nogrod; 05-04-2007 at 05:38 PM.
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