The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[The Elf-warrior]

By Michael Delving

I was working on the Phantom murder story when I got a telephone call from Mister Underhill. He said, "Mr. Delving, I'd like you to interview me." I answered, "Is right now OK?" He said, "Sure," and I turned on my tape recorder and started with my first question.

Q: "Are you out to get people?"

A: "If you call being concerned about the quality of the people who live here and the quality of our conversations being out to get people, then yes, I am. But I am not arbitrary. I follow the rules handed down by His Wightness, The Barrow-Wight.

Q: "Why did davem leave and then come back?"

A: "I don't know. He did say something about going undercover on some incredibly secret and important matter, but I think Lalwende drove him away to get some cleaning done."

Q: "What goes on in the secret forum?"

A: "I don't know what you're..."

Q: "I demand to know what goes on in the secret forum! As a journalist it's my job to expose what is secret."

A: "We have a lot of discussions."

Q: "About what?"

A: "Cheese."

Q: "Explain yourself."

A: "Well, we discuss the merits of various types of cheese. For example, the The Barrow-Wight likes green cheese even though he was initially very disappointed that it wasn't actually green. Alatar likes cheddar and colby jack."

Q: "What else do you discuss?"

A: "Stupid people. We have an absolute ball! Just yesterday I told me fellow mods about the jerk who cut me off on my way to Legolas's barrow. He was driving his ox cart like a chariot. I yelled at him, "Sir, are you trying to kill your ox?"
He went absolutely ballistic. He cursed me by Sauron, Morgoth, and Zeus's brow. He said I was a dirty rotten hypocrite for using sarcasm. I'm a mod! I have every right to chide him for his bad behavior."

Q: "Is there anyone who's in danger of being banished?"

A: "I'm sad to say The Phantom. We can't tolerate wights murdering each other, but I'm not convinced he did it. I think something more sinister than The Phantom's ego is behind this. I've been told through the grapevine..."

Q: "Mr. Saucepan you mean?"

A: "Yes, but also Sharku. He smells a massive coverup. He thinks that some highly respectable Downers are guilty."

Q: "Name names!"

A: "Meneltarmacil, for one. I can't say any more. It would compromise the investigation. All I can say is that this is incredibly big and incredibly dangerous. I have business to attend to. Bye!"

And with that he hung up the phone. Coward! I wanted his take on the mysterious penguin murder affair some months back.

[alatar]

Actually, it's that cheese with the pepperoni already mixed in (What's not to like? ), but the others were just a ruse to put off Underhill.

[Morai]

A: "Well, we discuss the merits of various types of cheese. For example, the The Barrow-Wight likes green cheese even though he was initially very disappointed that it wasn't actually green. Alatar likes cheddar and colby jack."

Man....I wish I had access to that forum. *Attempts to hack in*

[Hookbill the Goomba]

This week, some controversial goings on...

Also, the second story is by every one's favorite monkey, Mormegill!



And Now, The Phantom takes a little holiday...

[mormegil]

Also, the second story is by every one's favorite monkey, Mormegill!

Thanks for adding it Hookbill. Maybe I'll do a bit of guest writing in the future if you would like.

[The Might]

Nice story with the iPod accesories thread...though I have to agree that it really did have potential
Maybe a kind of quiz show like those where you have to guess the price for different objects.
Maybe all could guess how much a phone costs and then the one closest could win...anyway, just an idea

And nice cartoon update, though I start pitying Phantom, and I keep wondering why nothing ever happens to Alien

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The Might

And nice cartoon update, though I start pitying Phantom, and I keep wondering why nothing ever happens to Alien

Remember, in episode 11, Alien got shot in the head and he grew it back. For all we know, he too got mauled by the Lion.

And yes, Morm, please do write more! Your payment is in the post. Unfortunately, I don't know your address, so it'll probably stay there for a while.