The Barrow Downs Newspaper - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

The Elf-warrior · 03-14-2007, 02:40 PM

By Michael Delving

The Phantom was arrested for the murder of astrobiologist Leonard Crusher on Sunday. He repeatedly shouted, "I've been framed by the Master!" According to a draft of a press release leaked by a source close to the police department, The Phantom was angry over Dr. Crusher's insistence that there is no such thing as extraterrestrial life. According to the draft report, The Phantom angrily insisted that he was regularly visited by a destructive alien who has repeatedly destroyed his flower bed. Allegedly, Dr. Crusher replied, "Yeah, and I suppose you're also Death's buddy," and was shot repeatedly with an automatic revolver by an enraged Phantom. PC davem and DCI Lalwendë have refused to give any direct comment on the matter. The Saucepan Man, The Phantom's lawyer has also refused comment. "Until I investigate this matter further, I'm not saying anything. It would be too unbelievable. Until such a time, don't believe everything that's leaked to you. Again and again, my client's chances have been prejudiced by innuendo, half-truths, and outright fabrications by court and police officials." Beverly Crusher, the slain man's sister, commented that she found the whole matter "heartbreaking and inexplicable". davem has vigorously denied that either the courts or the police are in the habit of deliberately leaking evidence. "That's absurd," he said. "I am sad to see that The Saucepan Man has stooped to such paronoia. Almost everyone we arrest is guilty, so naturally anything that gets leaked by rogue members of the police and judicial system reflects negatively on his clients."

The Might · 03-14-2007, 04:20 PM

LOL I liked the title about "Argonath playing to a live audience", and not a dead one
Also, nice one with Phantom and Alien...I wonder if Alien had planned it or if it was a mistake
Oh, and nice picture with the cat Durelin, maybe it's Serious himself

THE Ka · 03-15-2007, 07:56 PM

Quote:

See, SPM, I told you you'd get some slander!

... That is the last time I design mon maison out of non-toxic materials.

~ Architectually Ambitious Ka

The Elf-warrior · 03-15-2007, 10:10 PM

By Michael Delving

I was working on the Phantom murder story when I got a telephone call from Mister Underhill. He said, "Mr. Delving, I'd like you to interview me." I answered, "Is right now OK?" He said, "Sure," and I turned on my tape recorder and started with my first question.

Q: "Are you out to get people?"

A: "If you call being concerned about the quality of the people who live here and the quality of our conversations being out to get people, then yes, I am. But I am not arbitrary. I follow the rules handed down by His Wightness, The Barrow-Wight.

Q: "Why did davem leave and then come back?"

A: "I don't know. He did say something about going undercover on some incredibly secret and important matter, but I think Lalwende drove him away to get some cleaning done."

Q: "What goes on in the secret forum?"

A: "I don't know what you're..."

Q: "I demand to know what goes on in the secret forum! As a journalist it's my job to expose what is secret."

A: "We have a lot of discussions."

Q: "About what?"

A: "Cheese."

Q: "Explain yourself."

A: "Well, we discuss the merits of various types of cheese. For example, the The Barrow-Wight likes green cheese even though he was initially very disappointed that it wasn't actually green. Alatar likes cheddar and colby jack."

Q: "What else do you discuss?"

A: "Stupid people. We have an absolute ball! Just yesterday I told me fellow mods about the jerk who cut me off on my way to Legolas's barrow. He was driving his ox cart like a chariot. I yelled at him, "Sir, are you trying to kill your ox?"
He went absolutely ballistic. He cursed me by Sauron, Morgoth, and Zeus's brow. He said I was a dirty rotten hypocrite for using sarcasm. I'm a mod! I have every right to chide him for his bad behavior."

Q: "Is there anyone who's in danger of being banished?"

A: "I'm sad to say The Phantom. We can't tolerate wights murdering each other, but I'm not convinced he did it. I think something more sinister than The Phantom's ego is behind this. I've been told through the grapevine..."

Q: "Mr. Saucepan you mean?"

A: "Yes, but also Sharku. He smells a massive coverup. He thinks that some highly respectable Downers are guilty."

Q: "Name names!"

A: "Meneltarmacil, for one. I can't say any more. It would compromise the investigation. All I can say is that this is incredibly big and incredibly dangerous. I have business to attend to. Bye!"

And with that he hung up the phone. Coward! I wanted his take on the mysterious penguin murder affair some months back.

alatar · 03-16-2007, 12:10 PM

Actually, it's that cheese with the pepperoni already mixed in (What's not to like?

), but the others were just a ruse to put off Underhill.

Morai · 03-16-2007, 04:50 PM

Quote:

A: "Well, we discuss the merits of various types of cheese. For example, the The Barrow-Wight likes green cheese even though he was initially very disappointed that it wasn't actually green. Alatar likes cheddar and colby jack."

Man....I wish I had access to that forum. *Attempts to hack in*

Hookbill the Goomba · 03-19-2007, 02:46 AM

This week, some controversial goings on...

Also, the second story is by every one's favorite monkey, Mormegill!

And Now, The Phantom takes a little holiday...

03-14-2007, 02:40 PM	#1
The Elf-warrior Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Virginia. Posts: 952	Phantom slays Astronomer! By Michael Delving The Phantom was arrested for the murder of astrobiologist Leonard Crusher on Sunday. He repeatedly shouted, "I've been framed by the Master!" According to a draft of a press release leaked by a source close to the police department, The Phantom was angry over Dr. Crusher's insistence that there is no such thing as extraterrestrial life. According to the draft report, The Phantom angrily insisted that he was regularly visited by a destructive alien who has repeatedly destroyed his flower bed. Allegedly, Dr. Crusher replied, "Yeah, and I suppose you're also Death's buddy," and was shot repeatedly with an automatic revolver by an enraged Phantom. PC davem and DCI Lalwendë have refused to give any direct comment on the matter. The Saucepan Man, The Phantom's lawyer has also refused comment. "Until I investigate this matter further, I'm not saying anything. It would be too unbelievable. Until such a time, don't believe everything that's leaked to you. Again and again, my client's chances have been prejudiced by innuendo, half-truths, and outright fabrications by court and police officials." Beverly Crusher, the slain man's sister, commented that she found the whole matter "heartbreaking and inexplicable". davem has vigorously denied that either the courts or the police are in the habit of deliberately leaking evidence. "That's absurd," he said. "I am sad to see that The Saucepan Man has stooped to such paronoia. Almost everyone we arrest is guilty, so naturally anything that gets leaked by rogue members of the police and judicial system reflects negatively on his clients." __________________ Fenris Wolf: WW LXXX.

03-14-2007, 04:20 PM	#2
The Might Guard of the Citadel Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Oxon Posts: 2,205	LOL I liked the title about "Argonath playing to a live audience", and not a dead one Also, nice one with Phantom and Alien...I wonder if Alien had planned it or if it was a mistake Oh, and nice picture with the cat Durelin, maybe it's Serious himself __________________ “The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.” Delos B. McKown

03-15-2007, 10:10 PM	#4
The Elf-warrior Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Virginia. Posts: 952	Underhill tells all! By Michael Delving I was working on the Phantom murder story when I got a telephone call from Mister Underhill. He said, "Mr. Delving, I'd like you to interview me." I answered, "Is right now OK?" He said, "Sure," and I turned on my tape recorder and started with my first question. Q: "Are you out to get people?" A: "If you call being concerned about the quality of the people who live here and the quality of our conversations being out to get people, then yes, I am. But I am not arbitrary. I follow the rules handed down by His Wightness, The Barrow-Wight. Q: "Why did davem leave and then come back?" A: "I don't know. He did say something about going undercover on some incredibly secret and important matter, but I think Lalwende drove him away to get some cleaning done." Q: "What goes on in the secret forum?" A: "I don't know what you're..." Q: "I demand to know what goes on in the secret forum! As a journalist it's my job to expose what is secret." A: "We have a lot of discussions." Q: "About what?" A: "Cheese." Q: "Explain yourself." A: "Well, we discuss the merits of various types of cheese. For example, the The Barrow-Wight likes green cheese even though he was initially very disappointed that it wasn't actually green. Alatar likes cheddar and colby jack." Q: "What else do you discuss?" A: "Stupid people. We have an absolute ball! Just yesterday I told me fellow mods about the jerk who cut me off on my way to Legolas's barrow. He was driving his ox cart like a chariot. I yelled at him, "Sir, are you trying to kill your ox?" He went absolutely ballistic. He cursed me by Sauron, Morgoth, and Zeus's brow. He said I was a dirty rotten hypocrite for using sarcasm. I'm a mod! I have every right to chide him for his bad behavior." Q: "Is there anyone who's in danger of being banished?" A: "I'm sad to say The Phantom. We can't tolerate wights murdering each other, but I'm not convinced he did it. I think something more sinister than The Phantom's ego is behind this. I've been told through the grapevine..." Q: "Mr. Saucepan you mean?" A: "Yes, but also Sharku. He smells a massive coverup. He thinks that some highly respectable Downers are guilty." Q: "Name names!" A: "Meneltarmacil, for one. I can't say any more. It would compromise the investigation. All I can say is that this is incredibly big and incredibly dangerous. I have business to attend to. Bye!" And with that he hung up the phone. Coward! I wanted his take on the mysterious penguin murder affair some months back. __________________ Fenris Wolf: WW LXXX.

03-16-2007, 12:10 PM	#5
alatar Doubting Dwimmerlaik Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Heaven's basement Posts: 2,466	Actually, it's that cheese with the pepperoni already mixed in (What's not to like? ), but the others were just a ruse to put off Underhill. __________________ There is naught that you can do, other than to resist, with hope or without it.

03-19-2007, 02:46 AM	#7
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	This week, some controversial goings on... Also, the second story is by every one's favorite monkey, Mormegill! And Now, The Phantom takes a little holiday... __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...