Be careful what you wish for...

[Volo]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Sauron smoked a pipe.

Sauron did smoke a pipe! In the middle of the Siege of Barad-dur. He claimed it to be his "pipe moment" and commanded peace. All the baddies retreated and Elendil, Gil-galad and Isildur joined Sauron smoking their pipes. After a long chat and a few too many pints, they desided that Sauron wasn't such a bad guy after all and asked their psychologist Izindibolgdam to help Sauron. Izindibolgdam listened Sauron and desided that Sauron's problem was the lack of calcium. Sauron was very relieved that this was the case and even paid Elendil for his kindness by giving them the largest projector in Arda's history.

Happy end!

I wish Gothmog's stomach would ache as badly as mine.