New Movie Script

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

. . . since I didn't want to do the Stair, and a sneaky Cobbler took over half of my scene ( ) . . .

~*~

The Witch-king surveys Osgiliath from atop some random building.

Witch-king: Okay, so we'll build my castle here, and then place a giant fountain in front of it . . .

Gothmog: Uh, sir?

Witch-king: What? What is it?

Gothmog: We need to take that city first. *points at Minas Tirith*

Witch-king: Hmmm, just send everything with hands to attack it.

Gothmog: Even the clocks and wristwatches, sir?

Witch-king (back to surveying his future kingdom): Uh, yeah, sure, whatever. Now, we put the amusement park in that vacant lot over there . . .

Gothmog: What of the Wizard?

Witch-king: We don't need wizards. Just get clowns, or better yet, jesters. With bells on their strange hats and all.

Gothmog: No, I mean the White Wizard.

Witch-king: Who?

Gothmog: The creepy guy wearing out-of-fashion white clothes, the one who threw a hobbit at you?

Witch-king: Ah, him. I have something very special planned for him. First, I'll drag out his entrails, then when I've ripped off his skin, I'll drain off all the blood.

Gothmog: Very good, sir.

Witch-king: I'll treat his body so it doesn't decay, then I'll stock it up with the rest of my doll collection. He'll go quite well with that old hag I found a few centuries ago.

Gothmog: Dolls, sir?

Witch-king (uneasily): Uh . . . uh . . . You didn't hear me say that, or I'll tell the whole world all about your parents.

Gothmog: *gulp* Mum's the word, sir.

~*~

. . . Uh, will somebody else do the Stair scene? I've already claimed the Muster scene (q.v.) and it's a bit inappropriate if I take too many scenes now. Unless, of course, you all disappear (like what Oddwen always does when nobody else posts. We love you, Oddie-poo. )