The F.A.Q.E.

[Meela]

Q: Who was Denethor?

A: Not who, but what. Denethor is Minas Tirith's most efficient and inexpensive form of lighter fuel, particularly noted for its use in beacons. The popular myth that Denethor is indeed named after a person arose on the night that Faramir almost burnt to death in a freak accident on the night of the annual ceremonial Gondorian Barbeque Contest, when in a desperate bid to win, he emptied an entire container of Denethor onto his barbeque, resulting in the destruction of much of the surrounding city.

Q: Was there really a battle at Minas Tirith?

A: No. The damage was all caused by Faramir's barbeque. The rumoured presence of several thousand orcs has been dispelled since it was confirmed that these were in fact Gondorian children, who had been rolling in the barbeque ash.

[arcticstorm]

Q.what is the Silmarillion?
A. The Silmarillion was the silmarill taken from Morgoth's crown by Beren and Luthien, It is known as such because at some point in its history it recieved an electrical charge, however it is still debated wether it was an silmarillanion or a silmarillcation

[Farael]

Originally Posted by arcticstorm

[...]it is still debated wether it was an silmarillanion or a silmarillcation

Gotta love that....

Back on topic,

Q: What is the real story behind Gollum and his "precious"?
A: In spite of what Bilbo will have you believe, the precious is not really The Ring. What really happened was that, after being alone for centuries, Bilbo was the first non-orkish or edible living form to stumble upon Gollum, who fell in love at the sight of Bilbo's hairy feet. After having a challenging riddle contest, Gollum kneeled and asked Bilbo to marry him, offering him a gold ring. Bilbo took the Ring but didn't take Gollum's hand. Gollum ran after him, still madly in love while muttering that "his precious" was escaping. Later on, when Gollum helps Frodo, it's only because he was trying to revindicate himself on Bilbo's eyes. Still, Bilbo was very embarassed as Gollum was outright ugly and made up this whole story about The One Ring, along with his accomplice "Gandalf" who was a magician that worked entretaining young hobbits for a living.

[Morai]

Q: Who is Gandalf?

A: A professional pryotechnic exhibitor, firefighter *cough*Barlog*cough*, diplomat, also a member of the motocycle gang "The Flying Eagles." His hobbies include smoking, grooming his beard, and pointing his cane at hobbits and reprimanding them for walking on his grass.

[Gothmog]

Q: Who is Gimli?

A: A funny, bearded little guy who worked as a comedian. His slapstick performances included falling of horses and when he did stand-up he burped, drank to much beer and was too short for everything.

Q: Who is Glorfindel?

A: Who? Glor- what?

[Morsul the Dark]

Q:Who is Tom Bombadil
A:A suicide bomber so proud he put Bomb in his name his real name is Tom Adil

****the fact that sounded slightly arabian is a coincidence and does not reflect my views


Q:what is a hobbit
A:A habit is something like biting your nails.
Q:........no a hobbit
A: a hob bit...is a bit of a hob i suppose
Q:no....nevermmind


Q:Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
A:Peter Jackson although some sceptics believe that some JRR Tolkien Wrote which is of course bizarrely false and makes no sense after all this book version of the movie is nothing lik the movie just a cheap knockoff...I could go on for hours


Q:Is it true they orginally looked at Sean Connery to play Gandalf
A:Yes but think about it James Bonmd as Gandalf.....I mean its bad enough for Ian to uncloak.....

[Morai]

Q: What is Lord of the Rings?

A: Lord of the Rings was originally a comic book saga, most likely manga from Japan. Later J.R.R. Tolkien adapted it to a novel, and consequently took credit for its creation. His grandson Peter Jackson decided 100 years later to turn it into a stage musical that was entirely faithful to the novel.

Q: What are LOTR fans?

A: Members of an exclusive cult that involves deadly requirements for memberships (i.e. reading skills) Little is known, for members of this secret society won't share their secrets for fear that their plots of world domination will be crushed.

I hope no one was offended by the last one, I'm in an absurd mood today.