Prisoner of Númenor Planning/Discussion Thread

[littlemanpoet]

Well now. This hits home harder than I would have thought it could. Worth a Books discussion, I bet. Theoden and Denethor lost their first born sons. Theoden had a nephew and niece remaining to him, Denethor a second son. Mabalar has neither, but he does have his relative youth and a wife with whom he could have more children. There are few things worse to a parent than losing a child, especially a grown one in the flower of youth. Bittersweet victory? More like a tragedy. You know that if is was really you, you would give your life so that your daughter could live. Taking this more personally than I expected, sorry.

[Regin Hardhammer]

My post is up. I didn't really advance the story much because I don't know what direction the story is going. I like the idea of the fake repentence of Herugor, although you can bet Azarmano will still be suspicious. With regards to the Kathaani question, I think that it would be more dramatic to have her die. So that's my vote. But I really don't feel strongly about it. What needs to happen before we board the ships story-wise? Will the game end as we are sailing off into the ocean and away from Numenor?

[littlemanpoet]

I think that could make a good ending, but I'd like a small epilogue of on the shores of Middle Earth, perhaps weeks, months, or years later.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Originally Posted by littlemanpoet

You know that if is was really you, you would give your life so that your daughter could live.

I presume that I would. However, would my daughter let me? Kath is old enough to choose her own fate; that is why she was allowed to go off to save her father in the first place. Her parents can no longer take care of her as the child she was, because she is no longer that child. If her parents attempted to give their lives for hers, would she allow it? Would she rather see the futility of the situation, hoping against hope that they didn't do anything stupid and kept themselves alive to help people that weren't beyond aid? Do you see my reasoning? Kath's death and the complete and total uninvolvment of her parents would be coming of age with a vengeance, I suppose.

Second thing: Regin: much though I love your post, you have Regin with Kathaani. I've had her taken away in advance so that she is currently alone save for unimportant side characters. It doesn't match up.

[littlemanpoet]

It's not your reasoning that's the problem, Fea. It's more or less an emotional thing for me, so it's just my problem. Do what you think best for the story.

[Regin Hardhammer]

Fea: I am sorry about that. I edited my post so that Azarmano only thinks about Kathaani and wishes that he could see her. Let me know if further revisions are needed so I can make them.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Originally Posted by littlemanpoet

It's not your reasoning that's the problem, Fea. It's more or less an emotional thing for me, so it's just my problem. Do what you think best for the story.

If by best for the story, you mean most able to eke out emotional responsiveness, then her death would be fantastic, as proven by you (and me... I'll admit it...). But if it does bother you that much, then there isn't a chance in The Void that I'm going to do it. I'm equally likely, you remember, to have her get better, or, slightly less optimistic, to have her survive, heal, but be unable to ride or something equally sad because of the long term affects of the wound. I'll admit to it being easier to contemplate the death of a character when it doesn't strike so close to home. My brushes with death have certainly not been fun (understatement of the century), but I haven't had to contemplate the loss of a child. Perhaps that's... I'm not sure if I want to do it any more. I don't think I could do the emotion justice for Inzillomi...

[littlemanpoet]

Don't hold back on my account. I'm over it. I say give both a try as rough drafts, and see what works best for you.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Okeydokey.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I've run into an entirely unexpected snag. I generally compose off the cuff, but I've tried my hand at composing a death scene in advance and I absolutely hate it. I'll admit that it isn't bad, but it isn't right. I can't seem to do the death the justice that it deserves. Any tips? How can I do this better?

[Himaran]

Pio: Could you please place this post above Post #102 in the game thread? Thanks!

PLACED ON GAME -- PIO

__________________________startpost


Himaran's post


As he rushed out out onto the winding stairwell, Abarzadan heard the main door to the estate crash open. Crouching, he peered over the railing and watched as heavily armed guards poured into the atrium. The reason for Abadana's disappearance instantly became clear. But what to do? An armour-plated captain shouted orders to his men and they started up the staircase. There was no way to go but up. Keeping his head low, Abarzadan ascended on his belly, scrambling as quickly as his four limbs would carry him. The pounding footsteps behind him grew close, than faded into the study. Not much time. Forgetting any preconcieved notions of stealth, the man threw caution to the wind, stood, and bounded up to the next level.

Betrayed. The whole affair had been a farce, starting with his "unexpected" meeting with Ellinel. She recognized the name, ensnared him with her charm and appearance, and brought him to her father for the slaughter. As the man continued his unconventional escape, he vowed to cheat them again, just as his father had so many years before. Bursting through a nearby door, Abarzadan found himself in a loud, steamy and bustling kitchen. Cooks and porters yelled with surprise as he leaped over a counter and tore threw an array of stoves, kicking and tipping over various barrels and cauldrons in his mad flight. A lone, enraged worker brandishing a knife blocked his exit, but slowing down was no longer an option for the man. He waited until the last possible second before snatching an empty kettle, knocking the implement aside and fleeing from the scene. Slamming the door behind him, Abarzadan jammed it with a nearby stool before turning and finding himself at a dead end.

The window.

Snatching a broom from its customary place on the wall, he smashed the expensive but delicate glass and glanced out. He was two stories above the ground, too far up to jump. Unlike the stories he had often read as a child, there was no tall haywagon conveniently sitting just below him. Shouting behind him, someone shoving on the door.

Then he saw the pipe.

Naturally, any wealthy man's house would have a functional sewer system, and this one was no exception. The waste must run down, so... Careful of the remaining glass, Abarzadan clasped both arms around the thick clay cylinder and pulled his body out with them. Then he started sliding. The stool was knocked aside. Guards swarmed in, found an empty room with a broken window, and looked out. There was no one in sight.

Documents in hand, Abarzadan sprinted down the street. Locals eyed him briefly before sighing, turning and continuing with their business. A tremble sent him tumbling to the earth, but he pulled himself up and hurried unward. Where was he going? Up ahead, the man saw the crown of the temple. Perhaps even now as he hurried towards it, his past companions were being bled or burned to death on one of its pagan alters. There was absolutely no logical reason to head towards it, especially now that he had escaped two deathtraps in the same day. Yet something, a force not dark or sinister, seemed to be drawing him to it. Maybe the Valar wish for me to make a stand. Maybe it is my time.

But Kali, waiting alone in the shadow of the temple, knew better.



_____________________endpost




Well, since LMP stated that as "They turned and began to canter back toward Rómenna when they heard the hard galloping of a single horse," Abarzadan's journey in and return from Armenelos is complete. I will definitely write a closing post, with him meeting (and perhaps lying to) Malabar, but if I find time I will also write one about his ride away from city.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I didn't get far before giving it up as a bad job.

Originally Posted by scrapped death scene

The guards had reached Romenna some hours before. Khônarû sat beside the unconscious body of Kâthaanî Karibzir with his face in his hands. Though healers, the best of the Faithful, had attended her and checked on her religiously, she seemed to respond to nothing. One stood over her now, an elderly woman with flowing white locks. Kâthaanî's breath was steady, but it was slow. Her face was pale and her hands were cold as ice. She had stopped bleeding, but she had lost much blood in the process. Khônarû dreaded the arrival of Mabalar and his lady. The healer came to him now, touching his shoulder lightly. Wordlessly he stood and followed the small woman from the room.

Her blue eyes shone bright with hidden tears as she spoke to him. He appreciated her stark honesty. Several moments later, he returned to his post. As the hours passed, all signs of life disappeared from her face, leaving an empty shell where before, a lovely lass had lain. He murmered a prayer for her as her breath slowed to a stop. Lightening lit the otherwise dark room for a moment. Somewhere in the distance, a dog howled. Khônarû wept silently as the girl's body was covered by solemn attendants.

It doesn't feel right at all, and I don't know what to do to fix it. If I use it, I want it to be just right, and this isn't, not even in a still-needs-work sort of way, and I don't know why. It's frustrating.

[littlemanpoet]

All I can do is suggest.

First, you've introduced new characters that we don't know from Hurin. Scrap them and bring in someone whose name and history we recognize. The hands of the king are healing hands: the line of Elendil is royal, and should have been the line through which the crown of Numenor passed, except for a usurpation; so, Elendil could be the attempted healer. We know who he is. If his healing attempt fails, that's greater drama.

Kat needs to speak, needs to have a last moment with her parents, a time to bid farewell and speak of the hope to be reunited beyond the walls of the Arda.

Slow it down. Let it breathe. Give it more space. It feels rushed. Narrated. Told rather than shown. Describe what's happening rather than say it. Use the reader's senses.

What are the emotions behind the tears? You have to try to bring Inzillomi into this, and Mabalar as well. Go ahead and write for Mabalar too. I think you have a good enough idea what he would think and feel and do. Give it a shot. I think you can imagine it and turn into something real. And yes, it may make a change in you to write it, too.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Originally Posted by littlemanpoet

Scrap them and bring in someone whose name and history we recognize.

Easy enough to do. They were only really meant to show what was up with her on the road. It's tough to post for someone unconscious.

so, Elendil could be the attempted healer. We know who he is. If his healing attempt fails, that's greater drama.

Very true, though he's not there. Keep her alive until he arrives?

Kat needs to speak, needs to have a last moment with her parents, a time to bid farewell and speak of the hope to be reunited beyond the walls of the Arda.

I agree.

Describe what's happening rather than say it. Use the reader's senses.

I needed that.

I've got a few things to think on and then I'll give it a fresh shot.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I've got a post that will need to be put in before Menel's. LMP, I'd appreciate your input on it, so I'll PM it to you later today (sometime either mid-afternoon or late tonight), if that's okay?

[littlemanpoet]

PM is fine, Fea.

It doesn't have to be Elendil. The alternative is to make the healer someone the reader can emotionally identify with. That's a challenge, but I think you're up to it. Say that maybe they're related, so this healer, as a first cousin, or something, has a vested interest in keeping Kat alive. Or something like that, say.

[Himaran]

Arg! School is bogging me down. I would really like to write a post about Abar meeting Malabar and... explaining their relationship. That, and a final post about Abar's feelings regarding his father, the journey and the plot to kill his family. All coming soon!

... gone but not forgotten...

- Him

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by Himaran

Arg! School is bogging me down. I would really like to write a post about Abar meeting Malabar and... explaining their relationship. That, and a final post about Abar's feelings regarding his father, the journey and the plot to kill his family. All coming soon!

... gone but not forgotten...

- Him

Looking forward to it.

And a special thanks to Pio for graciously and patiently waiting for the winding down of this rpg.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Originally Posted by littlemanpoet

And a special thanks to Pio for graciously and patiently waiting for the winding down of this rpg.

Indeed. M'lady Pio, you're a wonder. And this game has certainly been an adventure, not least now, here at the end of all things.

Him, I look forward to the conclusion of your story. Yours too, Regin.

[Himaran]

Pio: can you please place this post above Post #106 in the game thread? Thanks!

- Himaran

POST PLACED ~*~ Pio


STARTPOST_______________________________________

It was terrifying.

The island was tearing itself apart. The earth shifted and bucked underneath Kali's legs as the steed gallaped away from Armenelos with Abarzadan clinging to his mane. Trees were hurled from the ground as their very roots were disloged from the rocky turf. Newly formed gysers burst open and streams of water shot upward into the air. The wind had increased to a violent speed, throwing leaves, branches and small stones all about. And everywhere, water was rising. The earth itself had become almost sponge-like, completely saturated. Streams had become ponds, and ponds had turned into lakes. There was no longer a path; Kali was running on pure instinct, and the man could do nothing but hold on and hope. A tree crashed to the ground ten paces from them, but the horse was ready and leaped over it, never breaking stride. A branch broke of a nearby tree and slammed into Abarzadan's head, but through sheer force of will he kept his balance. Heavy rain added to his misery, pelting the sizable wound. Blood mixed with water trickled down his forhead, imparing his vision. The man was utterly helpless, at the mercy of his mount and the elements.

Then an arrow whistled by his head, thudding into a nearby tree. Wipping his face, Abarzadan strained his neck around and could make out the shapes of several riders trailing him. They must have been following him since he and Kali hurtled through the city's east gate, although at the time it had appeared that their escape had been complete. The man grimaced. He had no weapons, was wounded, and had no idea how far away the shore was, or if the Faithful were even still there. He would have to use the only tool available to him: his horse. Taking a firmer grip, he directly Kali to he the right, dodging trees, boulders and other unexpected obstacles. He waited until they were over the next rise, took a backward glance, wispered an elvish phrase into the steed's ear, and dove off of his mount. On all fours, he crawled behinds a bush and waited. Kali's hoofbeats disappeared in the distance. By the sounds, their were four riders, and three of them continued onward. One, however, slowed, stopped, and turned around.

Abarzadan waited, holding his breath.

The rider's horse sniffed and whinnied, and its master said something to it in reply. Heavy steps came closer, stopping in front of the large bush. A string tightened. The man winced in dreaded anticipation. The string twanged, and an arrow burried itself in the ground and inch from his leg. Apparently satisfied, the soldier turned his horse away and trotted in the opposite direction. This, however, was not an opportunity Abarzadan was going to miss. He rolled out from behind the bush, dashed toward his unexpecting opponent, and dove towards him. The two collided and collapsed off of the horse. Brandishing the arrow he had plucked from the turf, the last remaining member of the House of Batanzaira plunged it into the neck of the stunned Numenorean. Snatching his bow and quiver, Abarzadan climbed onto the obediant horse. The pair raced away from the scene, heading in the direction Kali and the others had taken.


~*~


It was not long before they were located. Abarzadan slowed his mount and hopped off, readying his bow. Ahead, three men and four horses were gathered, one of which was being admired by its new masters. Kali stopped! The realization struck him with horror. What if he missed, and hit Kali instead? He need a diverstion. Turning to his waiting horse, he gave it a little shove in their direction and barked an order. Snorting, it trotted away from him and towards the others. Abarzadan circled around to a better angle, moving from tree to tree. The ground squished and his boots filled with water, but he kept moving. In the clearing, the three men turned away from Kali and looked the other horse over. Time was running out.

The man took careful aim, exhaled, and sent a shaft whistling towards his targets, and it hit one in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Now Abarzadan was running, notching another arrow. He released it in full stride, watching with satisfaction as it came to rest in the head of the second enemy. Now too close for ranged combat, he dropped the bow and pulled the quiver off of his back, swinging it by the strap. The final soldier backed away, sword at ready. The pair circled one another, with Abarzadan keeping the quiver spinning at full speed. "So it has come to this, my friend," shouted Abarzadan over the rushing wind. "Numenoreans killing each other over a senseless disagreement."

The other merely grimaced. "You are a heretic, like all the others. You should have died at the temple with the rest." Kali punctuated his statement, drilling the unsuspecting man to the ground with a swift kick from his front hooves. Abarzadan chuckled. "A pity you couldn't be back at Armenelos. I am certain that the sight of your great temple crumbling to the ground would be an unforgettable one." Leaving the stunned soldier to decide his own fate, the man tossed the quiver away and climbed onto Kali's waiting back. As they got further from the center of the island, the storm gradually melted away, but the man knew it would not be long before the entire landmass would share the same fate. Suddenly, the pair burst from the forest. They were on a grassy hill looking down on the coast. The man whooped with joy, for the ships of the Faithful were still ancored in the bay.


_______________ENDPOST

[Regin Hardhammer]

Despite my finals looming in the horizon (next week), or perhaps because of them, I have finally find time to fill in my long overdue save. At the end of the post the ships are getting ready to sail, but have not actually sailed yet. I assume that this is the state that we are in at the moment. If not, please tell me, and I will edit my post. If there is anything else that needs to be fixed please don't hesitate to ask. I got a little carried away. It has been a true pleasure working on a game with such a talented group of writers. Thank you all.

- Regin

[piosenniel]

Just checking in --

and wondering, what posts are left to be written for the game? Are most of the final posts in now? Will someone be doing a wrap-up?

~*~ Pio