What do you assign to Mordor?

[Azaelia of Willowbottom]

By the power of the frustration of all high school seniors vested in me, I hereby banish the SATs to Mordor. Be gone with you!

I should not have to face a test that determines my whole future at 7:45 am on a Saturday. Actually, I should never have to face it. Period. It's not that I'm a bad student: my grades are very good, but I really do not test well. It's my second time through the SAT's. Yuck.

[Glirdan]

I send exams to Mordor. That and the seven students who failed the easiest History test on Tuesday.

I also send babysitting to Mordor. Especially when it's your younger sibling.

Another thing I send to Mordor is not being able to spend time with your girl/boyfriend. Reason is because my girlfriend is going to a dance tonight and I can't go. So with that I send my parents when they're in a bad mood.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Glirdan

So with that I send my parents when they're in a bad mood.

Careful Glirdan. You don't want to open up that can of worms again ...

[littlemanpoet]

I hereby send to Mordor straight from England:

Prefab fish and chips at an English Pub that knows better.

The lack of a good Porter at any English Pub (other than Guinness, which belongs in the Shire).

Brit tailgaters, who are far and away worse than American tailgaters; seriously, they must have a deathwish! I admit that I didn't always drive as fast as the speed limit, but then I don't believe in sending my car into adverse camber at every bloody turn either! Who decided how fast you can drive around curves in that bloody country, anyway? But leaving no better than a five foot gap between their front bumper and my rear bumper, on average? Absolutely bonkers nuts, I tell you.

No paper currency smaller than a five pound note, can go to Mordor, and the resulting drag on my trousers pocket, full of 2 & 1 pound, and 50, 20, 10, 5, 2, and 1 pence coins. Oh, and the ease with which one can accidentally toss a 2 pound coin instead of the 2 pence coin in the guitarist begger's case on Victoria Street; they're virtually the same size and weight.

The snarling mess that is the London metropolitan road system.

To Mordor with all of it (still, I had a great time).

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by littlemanpoet

Brit tailgaters, who are far and away worse than American tailgaters ... Absolutely bonkers nuts, I tell you.

Hmm, mayhaps you encountered me on the road while you were over here ...

Originally Posted by lmp

The snarling mess that is the London metropolitan road system.

Amen to that. And you can throw the M25 Motorway and the London Underground in for good measure. In fact, the whole darn London public transport system, which I have to use every day, and which is teetering dangerously on the edge of complete and utter collapse.

[littlemanpoet]

Hmmmm..... whereas I quite agree about the mess that is M25 (especially between M1 and A3), I found the underground to be rather clear and understandable and usable, if complex (which it has to be, it being London, of course), though most of my use was during non-peak hours.

Was that you in the Yorkshire Dales, in the farm truck? Or was that you in the Cotswolds from Burford to Lechlade? I never really had tailgaters in and around London. Of course, how can one NOT tailgate in and around London? You just put up with the close proximity of all other vehicles, whether in front, behind, to right, or left.

Fellow Americans, you have no idea how narrow the lanes are in England! I will never again complain about a side street only having enough room for one car to get between parked cars on either side; in England the lanes actually do get narrower than a Mini Cooper at times, depending upon how close the houses on either side of the road are. Bring down a house to widen the road? The English would never do such a thing! Never!

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by lmp

(especially between M1 and A3)

Don't I just know it. That just happens to be my part of the world.

Originally Posted by lmp

I found the underground to be rather clear and understandable and usable, if complex

Using it twice a day at peak times is fittingly analagous to a bi-daily trip through Mordor.

Originally Posted by lmp

Of course, how can one NOT tailgate in and around London?

Yup. I have been reared on London driving.

Originally Posted by lmp

Fellow Americans, you have no idea how narrow the lanes are in England!

On the plus side, the cars are a more realistic size over here. Actually, I love driving down narrow country lanes. They are most certainly the stuff of the Shire IMHO.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Amen to that. And you can throw the M25 Motorway and the London Underground in for good measure. In fact, the whole darn London public transport system, which I have to use every day, and which is teetering dangerously on the edge of complete and utter collapse.

Well... Having just used the London Underground frequently for the past week (had to get my use out of that Oyster Card), I have to say that while it gets very crowded, it's sheer bliss compared to the SEPTA system around here because:

1. You can actually tell where you're going on the Underground. The directions are great. Unlike here, where I wind up counting stops from where I boarded and hoping for the best.

2. It's clean! Trust me on this one. For the Philly equivalents, imagine the oldest, worst train on the District line, then add several layers of dirt, grime, dust, trash and graffiti. Hmm. Maybe I need to pick up the subway in a better neighborhood.

3. You don't have to wait 15-30 minutes for your train.

3a. Trains come on time.

Don't even get me started about the bus.

SEPTA should definitely go to Mordor before the Underground.

[Lhunardawen]

Excitement. It is a rather uncomfortable state, and I especially dislike how it robs one of much-desired and needed sleep. Not like melancholy, which is generally pleasant, albeit also a bit of a slumber stealer.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by littlemanpoet

I hereby send to Mordor straight from England:

My dear lmp, you must realise that all this is part of England's charm, even the exasperating bits. England is higgledy-piggledy and absolutely the reverse of the more rational nations of centralised bureaucracy. Really, it is a land of Fawlty goods and Sybilitic prophecies, if not syphilitic symptoms, the latter being the unfortunate consequence of that French disease known as 1066.

[Lalaith]

It is also a country (and certainly not the only one) where a lot of the roads and houses pre-date the age of the motor car.
As for pulling them down to make way for roads, why, now you're talking like Saruman, lmp!

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Bethberry

England is higgledy-piggledy and absolutely the reverse of the more rational nations of centralised bureaucracy.

This is why things like the London transport network are so complicated, and well, why just about everything vaguely Govermental is complicated. It has to be, or else lots of people would not have jobs; it is in the interests of the public servant to make things complicated and so complex that whole departments must be established just to manage them. See Yes Minister for further reference...

At least London has a public transport network. I always return from visits there singing the praises of Ken Livingstone, Great magician of clean, cheap and regular buses. We'll have him in Yorkshire if you're sick of him.

Originally Posted by lmp

Brit tailgaters, who are far and away worse than American tailgaters; seriously, they must have a deathwish! I admit that I didn't always drive as fast as the speed limit, but then I don't believe in sending my car into adverse camber at every bloody turn either! Who decided how fast you can drive around curves in that bloody country, anyway? But leaving no better than a five foot gap between their front bumper and my rear bumper, on average? Absolutely bonkers nuts, I tell you.

It's in the Great British Unofficial Driving Test. Tailgating (which often also includes liberal use of two fingers and swearing) is usually carried out on anyone observing the national speed limit on motorways, which most drivers just ignore. The same goes for most roads, which is where another skill comes in, that of spotting speed cameras and slamming your brakes on. And that kind of driving can most definitely go to Mordor.

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

My dear lmp, you must realise that all this is part of England's charm, even the exasperating bits. England is higgledy-piggledy and absolutely the reverse of the more rational nations of centralised bureaucracy. Really, it is a land of Fawlty goods and Sybilitic prophecies, if not syphilitic symptoms, the latter being the unfortunate consequence of that French disease known as 1066.

But of course! Yet how else do I get to talk about it at the Barrowdowns unless I send some parts to Mordor, bequeath other parts to the Shire? (Doesn't quite seem to belong on Tolkien 2005, you know?)

Originally Posted by Lalaith

As for pulling them down to make way for roads, why, now you're talking like Saruman, lmp!

All in jest, my dear Lalaith. I would have England no other way. The lovely town of Fairford is a fine example of all the quirkiness, may it never change, despite the RAF airport very much within hearing distance to let one know that it is indeed the 21st century. By the way, there is an inn, a merry old inn there (Bed and Breakfast actually) that I happily recommend to all and sundry. Though there are no cats a-fiddling or cows a-jumping, there are two dogs that would dance if they could, a host family rivaling Butterbur himself, and rooms as spacious and comfy as any hobbit would love. Now, if only they could manage a second breakfast. If you ever want to check it out, I'll tell you who they are, not feeling it appropriate to advertise them in this thread. Oops! This paragraph positively reads like the Shire! I'll have to transpose it there.

[Kath]

I'm glad you like it here really lmp, it's a lovely place to live (mostly).

But Mordor will have a new occupant today in the form of my internet when it isn't working. I love the thing I really do, it gets me here and lets me talk to people! However, it can be extremely irritating. It lomps (logs me off) all the time and quite often when I try to reconnect it pops up with this little box saying 'No dial tone'. Well of course there's a bleeping dial tone else we wouldn't have a phone! And the only way to rectify that little situation is to turn the computer completely off, unplug it and leave it for 5 minutes. Unfortunate if you're in the middle of a game or talking to someone who has only a few minutes anyway!

Still, it's better than the school computers - but that's a 20 page rant so I'll leave them alone