LOTR Survivor

[Anguirel]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

Clearly, Faramir has to go.

There are reasons other than the fact that the Man-Tribe needs culling, reasons that direct us to him, rather than, say, Hama.

Think about it. This Faramir is obviously a bad apple. Look at what his father says about him:

"He's no son of mine! Just a wizard's pupil!"

Or his mother:

"Bearing him was the death of me. I just couldn't take it."

Or his brother:

"I didn't dare let him go to Rivendell, even if he got the message more than me. He simply didn't have what it takes."

Or Aragorn:

"Nice guy, but too quick at moving in on one's ladies..."

Or Beregond:

"I got banished from Minas Tirith because of him."

Or Frodo:

"I was blindfolded and kept in a cave."

Or Sam:

"He blindfolded Mr. Frodo, and kept him in a cave!"

Or Sauron:

"Nasty bugger."

Clearly, the overwhelming evidence is that this Faramir is not the nicest of guys. What's more, evidence from those in his tribe is that he doesn't do his share of the work:

Boromir: "Doesn't help with the major tasks, like bringing in the Immunity Ring."

Eomer: "He follows my sister around all the time."

Eowyn: "He follows me around all the time."

Hama: "He keeps longing for 'Minas Tirith in all it's glory'. Doesn't do much work. Claims he was sick, something about the Black Breath. All it took to wake him up though, was the scent of supper."

Clearly, Faramir is a worthy target, deserving of his lynch... er, removal.

++Faramir

From Mutton, Pervis and Grunte, lawyers in chief to the Prince of Ithilien.

Our client denies all charges. He dismisses his father's testimony on grounds of mental instability.

His mother's as libel originating from a slanderous mistranslation of the Sindarin sentence "I want a divorce."

His brother's on grounds of jealousy at his superior degree from Dol Amroth University.

He suggests that Aragorn should not have more than one lady anyway, and that perhaps the Queen of Gonder should be notified.

He points out that Beregond has been alloted a cushy ceremonial job, a generous pension, and a deer-park as compensation.

He explains that he was playing a lively game of Murder in the Dark with the Hobbits. (Sam did it, naturally.)

He is prepared to sue Sauron's legatees over the charge of homosexuality.

He asserts that Eomer is envious and Eowyn appreciative of his advances.

And he reminds Mr Formendacil that at the time he is claimed to have made his testimony, Hama was probably dead and certainly nowhere near Gondor.