If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

[the guy who be short]

Let us look at the wording of the question once more.

If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would....

This is a happy scenario: the orcs only appear at one person's house, not all. Therefore, whilst one of us is beseiged and slowly goes insane through loneliness, the others can continue living their merry lives. Unfortunately, this means no communal card games.
However, if I am besieged, I extend offers to all of you to dig your way in for a game of cards.

A thought: If the Orcs were on the front door... surely they'd be tiny little ants swarming over it? In which case, a can of bug spray and problem solved.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by Lyta_Underhill

laugh and point and wonder how they got so small they could fit on my front door! Then I'd cover the door with a thick coat of barn red paint to make it match the roof! Bye bye 200,000 tiny orcs!

Ah, apparently it wasn't my idea. Oh well.