Middle Earth Tech Support

[Morai]

TS: Sure. Send Witch King to get, er...fix! ring! Where you live? Name?

So that's how it happened!
Here's my somewhat lame contribution:
*Sauron 'picks up phone reciever' and dials Elven Contact Lenses Tech Support*
TS: Hello, If you'd like a refund or replacement for your product: press 1. If you'd like an autograph from our official spokesperson/ contact lense model (Legolas):Press 2. If you need counseling from one of our professional therapists: Press 3. To enter to win a free trip to the Grey Havens, press 4 now.
*Sauron presses 1*
TS: Press 1 for Common Tounge, Press 2 for Sindarin, Press 3 for Quenya
*Sauron Presses 1, thinking to himself 'What about Black Speech? Have I not conquered the property of this company already?'
TS: Transfering Call
*Pleasant Elven Voices sing elevator music*
TS: You have a problem with our product?
Sauron: Yes, my contact lense melted. It says on the label that it will magically cool off any burning sensations or dry eye.
TS: Do you have burning sensations or burning flames coming from your eye?
Sauron: Well...I guess my eye is on fire,
TS: We're sorry, but our contact lenses are designed for burning sensations only. Please Hang up now.
*Sauron slams the reciever down as it catches on fire, and the voice on the other line screams in terror*

Edit: Apologies for my misguided errors before, I don't have copies of the books, so sometimes I forget these things.