Possible Sequels... - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Lalwendë · 03-06-2005, 01:18 PM

The sequel to Lord of the Rings - set in 'modern times'. Written by the team who brought you Footballers' Wives.

Lord of the Blings.
Set in the seventh age of Men. DJ Sauron had a nifty piece of ice hand made for him by Guffi; it was so blindin' that everyone fell before it and praised his superior taste in bling. But alas, it was lost in a scrap outside a nightclub one night, and he never found it again. He was so embarrassed that he didn't leave the house for weeks.

It was found one day by a passing chav who kept it hidden until a sneaky little tyke broke into his house one night and nicked it. Unfortunately, he'd left it on the shelf by the back door, and this tyke pinched it by means of 'fishing' with a bent coathanger through the letterbox. He was after the car keys really, but never mind, it was a nice trinket...

Several weeks passed. DJ Sauron meanwhile, had been on the phone to every pawnbrokers, to cash converters, everything he could think of, trying to see of someone had tried to sell his beloved bit of bling. In the end he got his 'crew' out and instructed them to get heavy with anyone they saw toting the bling.

Meanwhile, the little tyke's kindly uncle came round to visit and on seeing the trinket he had suddenly acquired, became alarmed. "This must belong to someone with a lot of money, my lad," he said. "You want to be careful with that. Now, where on earth did you get the money to buy it? Surely it did not come from Argos?" The little tyke shifted uncomfortably and looked at the floor. His kindly uncle knew something was up, and next time he was down at the Seven Stars, the pub behind the High Street, he put some feelers out. Next day he went back to see his nephew and asked to see the trinket.

"Turn it over," he said. And there, only revealed under UV light, was DJ Sauron's postcode (for he had the sense to have his ice laser etched). "Here, you have it, you'll keep it safe," said his nephew. Recoiling with a look of horror, his uncle blanched "No!" he declared. "I'm not being seen out with that. I don't want my nose punching, ta." His nephew said "Well what am I to do with it?" His uncle had considered this. "The only thing you can do, I suppose, is somehow get it to the dumpsters on the council tip. For there the crushers will deal with this and pulverise it into many pieces. But the trip is perilous. You must go past Maccy D's, KFC and right past the very block of flats where DJ Sauron lives. Even now his crew are out looking for someone like you."

And so the journey began...

Celebuial · 03-07-2005, 06:28 AM

No fair I only have the first three volumes of HoME!!!!!!! Arrrrrrrghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been meaning to get the rest but my book shop doesn't have them and I hate ordering books and waiting for them!!!!!!!!!

*runs off to all her Tolkien fan friends to see if she can steal their copies*

Beanamir of Gondor · 03-07-2005, 12:12 PM

I'm waiting for the commercial with Ben Stein advertising Clear Eyes... with Sauron the Eye waiting in the background. Come on, I need some of that!

But a sequel would definitely be The Arrival of the Jedi. A time-rip, once again, would open up in Lothlorien. Luke Skywalker and Han Solo would crash-land in the Millenium Falcon, closely followed by Princess Leia in her Rebel ship. Luke would join the Elves in the battle against the orc-stormtroopers...

Too much parody. I quit.

Snowdog · 03-07-2005, 03:30 PM

The successful Lord of the Rings movies have led to marketing the franchise to television. Two shows to come are called Swords of the West which is an action thriller of swords and conquest as the forces of Elessar subdues the south and east. Stars would be Faramir and Eomer, with Aragorn being on sometimes when he rides out or there is council in the city.

The next one is a trashy faire called Desperate Palacewives, which focus on the domestic side of Éowyn and Arwen, and their encounters with the cooks, stablehands, gardeners, each other's husbands, etc.

THE Ka · 03-07-2005, 10:13 PM

i can't resist...

Boromir comes back from the dead + Disco = Gondor Night Fever...

Definately going to be a classic...

~ Seeing big Ka

03-06-2005, 01:18 PM	#1
Lalwendë A Mere Boggart Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: under the bed Posts: 4,737	The sequel to Lord of the Rings - set in 'modern times'. Written by the team who brought you Footballers' Wives. Lord of the Blings. Set in the seventh age of Men. DJ Sauron had a nifty piece of ice hand made for him by Guffi; it was so blindin' that everyone fell before it and praised his superior taste in bling. But alas, it was lost in a scrap outside a nightclub one night, and he never found it again. He was so embarrassed that he didn't leave the house for weeks. It was found one day by a passing chav who kept it hidden until a sneaky little tyke broke into his house one night and nicked it. Unfortunately, he'd left it on the shelf by the back door, and this tyke pinched it by means of 'fishing' with a bent coathanger through the letterbox. He was after the car keys really, but never mind, it was a nice trinket... Several weeks passed. DJ Sauron meanwhile, had been on the phone to every pawnbrokers, to cash converters, everything he could think of, trying to see of someone had tried to sell his beloved bit of bling. In the end he got his 'crew' out and instructed them to get heavy with anyone they saw toting the bling. Meanwhile, the little tyke's kindly uncle came round to visit and on seeing the trinket he had suddenly acquired, became alarmed. "This must belong to someone with a lot of money, my lad," he said. "You want to be careful with that. Now, where on earth did you get the money to buy it? Surely it did not come from Argos?" The little tyke shifted uncomfortably and looked at the floor. His kindly uncle knew something was up, and next time he was down at the Seven Stars, the pub behind the High Street, he put some feelers out. Next day he went back to see his nephew and asked to see the trinket. "Turn it over," he said. And there, only revealed under UV light, was DJ Sauron's postcode (for he had the sense to have his ice laser etched). "Here, you have it, you'll keep it safe," said his nephew. Recoiling with a look of horror, his uncle blanched "No!" he declared. "I'm not being seen out with that. I don't want my nose punching, ta." His nephew said "Well what am I to do with it?" His uncle had considered this. "The only thing you can do, I suppose, is somehow get it to the dumpsters on the council tip. For there the crushers will deal with this and pulverise it into many pieces. But the trip is perilous. You must go past Maccy D's, KFC and right past the very block of flats where DJ Sauron lives. Even now his crew are out looking for someone like you." And so the journey began... __________________ Gordon's alive!

03-07-2005, 06:28 AM	#2
Celebuial Wight Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Cardiff during term time/Leicester in the holl's Posts: 129	No fair I only have the first three volumes of HoME!!!!!!! Arrrrrrrghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been meaning to get the rest but my book shop doesn't have them and I hate ordering books and waiting for them!!!!!!!!! runs off to all her Tolkien fan friends to see if she can steal their copies __________________ Ú cilith ‘war. Ú men ‘war. Boe min mebi. Boe min bango.

03-07-2005, 12:12 PM	#3
Beanamir of Gondor Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 276	I'm waiting for the commercial with Ben Stein advertising Clear Eyes... with Sauron the Eye waiting in the background. Come on, I need some of that! But a sequel would definitely be The Arrival of the Jedi. A time-rip, once again, would open up in Lothlorien. Luke Skywalker and Han Solo would crash-land in the Millenium Falcon, closely followed by Princess Leia in her Rebel ship. Luke would join the Elves in the battle against the orc-stormtroopers... Too much parody. I quit. __________________ The answer to life is no longer 42. It's 4 8 15 16 23... 42. "I only lent you my body; you lent me your dream."

03-07-2005, 10:13 PM	#5
THE Ka Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: As with the flygja Posts: 1,403	i can't resist... Boromir comes back from the dead + Disco = Gondor Night Fever... Definately going to be a classic... ~ Seeing big Ka __________________ Vinur, vinur skilur tú meg? Veitst tú ongan loyniveg? Hevur tú reikað líka sum eg, í endaleysu tokuni?

03-07-2005, 03:30 PM	#4
Snowdog Emperor of the South Pole Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: The Western Shore of Lake Evendim Posts: 647	The successful Lord of the Rings movies have led to marketing the franchise to television. Two shows to come are called Swords of the West which is an action thriller of swords and conquest as the forces of Elessar subdues the south and east. Stars would be Faramir and Eomer, with Aragorn being on sometimes when he rides out or there is council in the city. The next one is a trashy faire called Desperate Palacewives, which focus on the domestic side of Éowyn and Arwen, and their encounters with the cooks, stablehands, gardeners, each other's husbands, etc.