New Movie Script

[lothlorien]

Hey you guys are so funny I love the script so far keep working on it oh and if no bodies already baggsed it then could I please claim the scene where Denethor gets set on fire if somebodies already claimed it then that's cool

Well that's all I wanted to say keep writing ok bye

Lothlorien

[Oddwen]

But we'll try anyway.

lothlorien: Thank you! I believe we were sort of saving the Denethor scenes for Meela, but multiple versions of scenes are ok!


And Nilpsy-Wilpsy -

Diss on System and make long waits!
Run with knives and wargs and orcs!
That's what Nilpy Feggy hates--
Hack the BD's and poke with forks

Cut the crap and get to the chat
Give him rep based on postings poor,
Rate his bones using rate F flat!
Post the whine on every door!

Dump his posts in a trashy bin;
Grind them up with a rotten pumpkin;
And when you've finished, if he's still talking,
Send him on his way now walking!

That's what Nilpy Feggy hates!
So carefully, carefully he's irate!

Okaaay...that made little if any sense.


o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

*Scene: Nearabouts the Shire, the Second Age. Two hobbit-like creatures are sitting in a little boat, peacefully fishing*

Creature #1: Rub-a-dub-dub, two men in a tub...

Creature #2: Cold be hand and heart and bone...

#1: Really, Sméagol, must you be so depressing all the time? It's your birthday even!

Smeegs: Yes, and we haven't caught one stinking fish, Déagol!

Deegs: Well you picked the spot.

*Deegs suddenly gets a bite!*

Deegs: Quick, Sméagol! Get the net! I've got one....WHOAAAA!

*Déagol is suddenly yanked out of the boat! He is pulled along on the surface of the water, huge plumes of water are churned up by his feet! before he is dragged underwater. Déagol, finally remembering to let go of the rod, sees something shiny underwater. Thinking it was a lure he lost in a snag some summers back, he grabs it and goes to the surface*

Deegs: Woo, what a ride! Now for my precious lure...

*But it is not his lure! It is another's. (haha, a pun!) Instead, it is a ring. A very shiny ring. A very shiny...round ring...*

Deegs: Where's the grief? (haha, another pun!)

Smeegs(panting and running up): Déagol! That was AWESOME! The fish must've been a league long! What lure were you using?

*He sees the ring in Deeg's hand, and fate starts its fateful wheels a'turning*

Smeegs: But how did you catch the fish, it doesn't even have a hook?

Deegs: It's not a lure, stupid, it's a ring.

Smeegs: Ha ha, very funny. Of course it's a lure, it must be a magic lure. Why else would you be hiding it behind your back?

Deegs: I don't know what you are talking about.

Smeegs: Give me the lure, my love, it is my birthday!

Deegs: I already gave you that can of nice, juicy worms! Besides, it's mine, I found it. Finders keepers losers weepers!

Smeegs: But I...wants it.

Deegs: Yeah, well your mother was a hampster and...gurkkll! Glaaablalarrghhh! *dies*

Smeegs: My...Precious...where do you attatch the hook?

*And Sméagol disappeared!*

Smeegs v.o.: They cursed us, called us "Murderer". "It's the will of the Bambino" they said. They took away our red sox and drove us away.

It is a shadow of its former self, a gnawed and hungry being that is thrown out of his home. Forever tying a string to the ring (a pun! Ha ha!) and throwing it into rivers, he caught no fish with it. Finally, he searched so high and low for worms he found himself in a cave.

Gollum: Gollum! Gollum! Gollum! (Gollum? Gollum!) GOLLUM! GOL-No! Let go of me! Ahhhh*is carted off to meet Mr. Straite Jaquet*

Smeegs v.o.: And we forgot the sound of the crack of the bat. We forgot the taste of baseball park hot dogs. We even forgot our own name. My...
Red Sox.

*A closeup! Sméagol at a sushi bar! The fish is slimy, and putrid. His plaquated teeth grind the juicy pink flesh, and the roe trickles out the side of his mouth! Oh, look, he's gumming the liver now! He's gnawing on the spine and...no! Don't take me away nooo ahhhh!!!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Hokey-dokey, next scene is Fro, Sam and Gollum waking up and moving on.

[Oddwen]

(haha, I'm watching the movie AND typing this at the same time!)

a rehash


Smeagol: Mmm! Worms! *stick*

Worm: Ahh! *dies*

lalala...Deagie falls out

Deags: Smeagol! hahaha!

Deagol's hat: Help me! I'm drowning!

River: *boot* Here! Take him back!

Deegs: Oh, the sun, the sun!

Deegs: Yum, mud!

Smeegs: Tell a joke and I will sigh and you will laugh and...ooh, mud!

Smeegs: Give us that...

Deegs: No! My mud!

*SMACKDOWN!*

Deegs: I'm gonna stick my fingers up your nose!

Smeegs: Nooo! *bite*

Smeegs: Hey...whose heartbeat is that? Sure not Deagol's...uh-oh...

Smeegs: Hey, that's not mud! But it's pretty!

/rehash

--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--

Scene: Near Mordor.

Sam: SNNXXXXXX.....

Fro: Cant stand anymore...must disappear...pretty pretty ring...ahh!

Gollum: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Yes we're so tired of waiting!

Sam: SNXXXXXXX...What? Oh, time to get up! Why, Mr. Frodo! You look as if you haven't slept for a week!

Fro: *twitch*

Sam: Well, I for one had a lovely refreshing nap! *stretches and yawns* Hey, blanket, you and I have another date for tomorrow night, heh heh!

Fro: *twitch* *twitch*

Sam: Well, bless my furry hobbit feet! It's getting late outside!

Fro: No, it isn't midday yet.

Sam: Isn't it? Well, I can take a little nap then...

Fro: SAM!!! The days are growing darker, the hour is late and Gandalf the Grey comes to Isengard, seeking my counsel!

Sam: Just a little joke, Mr. Frodo, and...what?

*Suddenly, the earth starts to shake...*

Gollum: Hurry hurry, silly hobbits! Place will fall down around our ears!

Sam: Not until I have...I mean Mr. Frodo, has somethin' to eat. *Sam ignores Gollum and rummages blithely around in his pack* Here, have some laaaaaambas bread.

Fro(a light appearing in his eyes): Food! *snarf!*

Sam: Oh, um, okay...I'll eat the leaf then...although really I'm not hungry...not like I can't get laaaaaaambas bread at any old store or anything...

Fro: Hmm bmm flrrmm hmm?

Sam: Not like there isn't plenty to get us there and back, ya know.

Fro: Hmm mmph?!?

Sam: Although I don't know if we will get back...go ahead and eat...I'll starve...poor thin Gamgee.

*trudge, trudge trudge, on the road again...*

Gollum: WILL YOU JUST HURRY UP ALREADY?? We're so close, I can smell it!

Sam: I thought that was Mr. Frodo's socks.

Fro: Sam...I don't wear socks.

--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--

Pip: I feel like I'm back at the Green Dragon, after a hard day's night of idling and shoplifting.

Merry: And drinking!

M&P: HAHAHAHAHAAAA! Hey, ho to the bottle I go...

Pip: I am soooo wasted, man...

Merry: Hey, lookie there! YO, LORDS! Welcome to Ishengard! *falls off wall*

Gimli: You drunken hooligans! You are a disgrace to decent society! Hey, is that Pipeweed?

Pip: We are shhhhhhh...

Merry: Pip, watch the language!

Pip: We are sheated on a field of victory. I have consumed enough ale for an *hic* navy on shore leave! The salted pork is particularly good, as we marinaded it in ale and cooked it over burning *hic* pipeweed, heheheheeee!

Gimli: *drool*

Gandy: Stupid hobbits...muttermutter...did he say pipeweed?

Merry: We are under orders from Teebear...

*Pippin peers quizzically upwards*

Merry: Tee, tr..Treebear', who's taken over management of Ishnngard. Hee hee *hic!*

Pip: That means he's the GRAND POOBAH.

Merry: The HIGH MUCKETY-MUCK.

Pip: The BIG CHEESE.

Merry: Ooh, cheese!

--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--0--

That's enough for now, I think. Next scene is Gandy & the rest meeting w' Treebeard, and Pip gets the Palantir.
...
Wake up, wake up, wake up, yeah I'm so tired of waiting, waiting for us to...for us to make a move...

[Oddwen]

Well, here I am again...posting, posting, posting...

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Scene: The Three Hunters, the White Wizard, the Host of Rohan, and two not-orcs approach Isengard.


Treebeard: Hoommmmmmmmmmmmooooooohhhhhooooooooommmmooohhhhooo om, Young Master Gandalf. I'm...glad, yes, glad you've come. Hotels and restaurants, stock and portfolios I can master, but there is a wizard to manage here. We think. There's this huge crater where Isengard used to be. No trace of the tower or wizard.

Gandy: Oh. Um. Script?

PJ: *whisperwhisperwhisper*

Howard Shore: Aright, time for some brooding theme music!

Gandy: *whispermutter, what the Angband am I supposed to...* Oh, ahem! But you said "used", and "no trace" of Saruman. What about "is?" Is he dead?

TB: We...don't know.

Gandy: Well, did you go into Isengard?

TB: *stare* You're kidding, right? I just explained...it...

Gandy: Well, the snake still had one tooth left, I think, for he has obviously poisoned your mind. But I shall speak to him.

TB: Is he kidding?

Aragorn: Probably not.

Gandy: Saruman, Saruman! Come down Saruman!

TB: Well anyway, this mess is slowly washing away. Soon the Isen will run clean again, and Drunkbeard and Dogbark can fix the dam. *glare*

Gandy: Saruman, Saruman. Saruman, you missed your path in life.

Aragorn: I think he has delusions of grandeur.

*Pippin, through a drunken haze, sees a glowing glow in the waters. After staring cross-eyed at it for a while, he fell off the horse*

Pip: Ahhhh*splash!*

*He appears back on the horse with a confused look on his face. He then climbs down very carefully down*

Gandy: Come back, Saruman!

Pip: *blubber*

TB: And trees, young trees who HAVEN'T flunked AA will come to summer vacation here, and the land will spring up green, and the little plants will shoot up towards the sky, and the sun will nourish the tender shoots sending their little roots deep into the rich earth...

Gandy: I did not give you leave to go...

Pip: Hey, cool, a glowing bowling ball! Anyone up for some ninepins?

Gandy: I am not Gandalf the Grey whom you betrayed...

Merry: Shure, can we find some sticks we can use for pins?

Gandy: I am Gandalf the White, returned from death!

Gimli: Ooh! Ooh! I want Legolas for my team!

Legs: Shut up, shorty.

Gandy: You have no colour now, and I cast you from the order and from the Council.

A: Hey, Pippin, that isn't a bowling ball!

Gandy: Saruman, your staff is broken! Pow, kapow, ziingie!

All: What?

Gandy: No, that was not thrown by Saruman; nor even at his bidding, I think. It came from a window far above. A parting shot from Master Wormtongue, I fancy, but ill aimed.

Éomer: Is it just me, or does he keep talking, like we're listening or something?

Gandy: Pippin, here, I did not ask you to handle that! Give it here!

Pip: Noo!

*After a few minutes of wrestling, Gandy managed to wrest the ball from Pippin's tight grasp. Barely*

Pip: Wahh! He BIT me!

Leggy: Ha, you owe me twenty dollars! Pay up!

Gimli: *grump*

Merry: Hey, now we can't play ninepins!

The Host: Aww, man! Stupid Gandalf!

Gandy: It is the end. Let us go.

*Not without a mutter, not without a death threat or two, the host made their way back to Edoras*

Pip: I'm gonna get you, Gandalf, if it's the last thing I do. Hey, Aragorn, let me back up! Don't leave me behind! Waiiiit uuuup youuuu guyyyyys!

TB: Well, bless my furry little hobbit feet!

Ent: Wrong metaphor there, sir.

TB: Shut up, Dutchelm!

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Annnd the next scene is Hail the Fallen Dead/The Palantir scene. And unless someone gets crackin', it'll be time for the EE Drinking Contest Scene!

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I'm rather sorry if I haven't been posting that much. But I'll come back with a post sometime this week.

And you think we would want to read it?

Hush, Adam.

[Oddwen]

Not to interrupt Nilp's post or anything...I just had an idea for something at the tower of Cirith Ungol and want to post a reminder for myself.

"SAMSAMSAMSAM"

I just hope it hasn't been claimed already...what with all the activity going on around here and all...lawks, lahdy-day.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

. . . but still no posts. Oh, well.

Tomorrow. Really.