Funniest lines in Middle-Earth

[Boromir88]

Well here's mine from the movies, both happen to be from ROTK, I love how Theoden sort of beats around the bush with Eowyn.

Theoden: I have left you instructions, the people shall follow your rule in my sted. Take up my seat in the Golden Hall, long may you defend Edoras if the battle goes ill.

I love it, it's basically Theoden telling Eowyn that famous saying "stay back and GUARD the fort." Lol.

And Theoden basically giving Merry as slap in the face.

Theoden to Merry: None of my riders can bare you as a burden.

Wow Theoden you are so kind and gentle.

As for the Book goes. I would have to say the conversation between Gildor and Frodo.

Three is company
"The meaning of it fair people," said Frodo, "is simply that we seem to be going the same way as you are. I like walking under the stars. But I would welcome your company."
"But we have no need of other company, and hobbits are so dull," they laughed. "And how do you know that we go the same way as you, for you do not know whither we are going?"

I love Gildor's response, "hobbits are dull." It's the first time we get to see other races make jokes about the hobbits, and the Elves ignorance here first shows.

Also, from Three is Company

Gildor was silent for a moment. "I do not like this news," he said at last. "That Gandalf should be late, does not bode well. But it is said: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger...
"And it is also said," answered Frodo: "Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will will say both no and yes."

So there Frodo get's a jab back at Gildor, for the "hobbits are dull comment." And at the end of the match we have a tie, Gildor: 1 Frodo: 1, it will be judges decision...