When You Are Oppressed, Or Ten Weighty Reasons for Teenagers and Their Parents

[HerenIstarion]

Originally Posted by Child of 7th Age

Is the issue really the Downs, or is it "time management"? Sometimes parents will respond positively if you offer to put limits on yourself, e.g., only after homework, or only a one-hour slot or thirty minute slot "X" times per week

My very words:

Just promise to let your eyes rest for ten minutes every hour (to avoid sight damage), and to make some excercise every two (and thus keep away from dangers your backbone is exposed to as a result of constant sitting). Also make sure that homework comes first ... It would be wise to keep said promises too

But the issue is really deeper than it seems at the first glance.

I do believe that if anyone restricted by tutelage of parents not sharing Tolkien addictiveness (and I am grieved to point that all of us are Tolkien addicts to an extent) wishes to spend X hours at the screen, the general strategy is to show people in charge that time spent at the Downs is wholesome in itself, regardless the issues, and more so than merely pleasant.

(- eat the green stuff, its wholesome
- but it is not tasty, I'd rather go for candy
- no candies, they rot your teeth
- why, oh why all the food that is wholesome should be absolutely insipid!)

Your very words:

It's another to have them involved with something unfamiliar to you.

Alas, but the list of unfamiliar things which allegedly are pleasent (at first), and then bring harm may be extended to include drugs, alcohol, smoking and other unhealthy activities. So any activity which is not understood by guardian but is apparently pleasing the ward may be included into the category in one sweep of parental judgement. The logical pair - Drinking/Tolkien fascinates my ward = Drinking/Tolkien is dangerous in the long run (alas, but I've seen real life cases).

Besides, with all this media talk about nerds, weirds and maniac - worshippers who over-read Tolkien, dressed up as elves (dwarves, 15 foot rabbits) and did horrid things make parents who never read Tolkien uneasy. So the strategic battle of 'bring your parent to Professor's altar' may be seen by parent in question as highly suspicious, and may make them stress on the 'altar' in particular (though we do not have altars, don't we?), and if started from advertising Tolkien as Tolkien. That is the second step, I believe

But first step must be (I believe) letting guardian see that activity which is pleasant is also wholesome. After letting them grow accustomed with the idea, one may come out with - 'and that's not just because, but for the Professor', or with 'Now as we all know how much do I get from this site, do you mind we all read the Books?'

But all of the above is for the people who are banned from the site. If you already have mutual admiration society to support you, no need to make 'buy this hoover for only 99.99 and you'll get...' type of fool of yourself

(- hey, mom (dad, uncle, yer honour, reverend Brown), I've found the candy which is tasty and wholesome!
- Can't be, there is no wholesome candies!
- But look, here, look at the list of its properties which are good for you
- What list? Lemme see, um, er, yes, but is it, really?
- And the list is approved of by Co7A, who is parent and teacher herself, and this H-I chap who made it is only 31.3% geek and works in a bank, and is a swimmer and has a Master's degree (I know I'm vain, but it for the sake of the Case ) And I've already done my homework, made 10 pull-ups on the bar out there and focused on Mr Grey's car, which is 200 yards away for the whole of ten minutes!
- Allright, since it is so wholesome, er, um, I suppose you may have it...)

It was all advertisement, after all. (and yet, advertisements are not convincing if there is less than 80% truth to them )

Some time thence:

(- Um, kid, you are eating those candies all the time, and it does you good - you seem more litarate, and homework is always done, and biceps are growing, as you exercise - would you let us have some too?)

[Mithalwen]

Well I guess I spent too much time in Middle Earth but since I had my nose in a book all the time they assumed it was ok......... lol ...strange they didn't really look into what I was reading and somethings were way more unsuitable than Tolkien... just somehow reading = good computer = bad........

Actually I studied linguistics because of Tolkien...... and if you want to add to the list of responsible adults I have a couple of degrees in literature and a post-grad teaching cert, and taught in a university .... however some might think my drinking habits leave something to be desired ..... but a glass of red a day is more or less compulsory these days.....

Actually show your parents some of the discussion threads.... I bet they will be impressed even if they haven't read Tolkien ... I mean despite the lit. degrees I was completely awestruck by the level of some of the threads here.... they will probably make the downs compulsory!!!

Oh I only ranked 21% geek .... but then there were a lot questions only applicable/understandable to Americans..

[Diamond18]

I conveniently avoided most parental problems by joining the Barrow Downs three days before my 18th birthday. I had not spent much time online prior to that. Now I am a part of email lists, post regularly here, have sampled other forums, surf using Google, and instant message with YIM, all on a daily basis. (And that's in addition to burying myself in Word for hours on end, writing fiction.) The 'Downs was my first real internet addiction, and therefore the one most logically to blame for all following ones. If you kiddies want to scare your parents, tell them that Tolkien can lead to a life of staying on the computer till 6 in the morning, rather than out partying till 6! Oh wait, I'm the only one who is scared by that....

To be serious, I suspect the most postive aspect of the 'Downs from a parental perspective would be the communicative and debating skills. You don't need the internet to become proficient in writing skills such as grammar and spelling, but to be able to put these skills to such regular use is invaluable. Forums in general, and high standard forums such as the BD in particular, present a great challenge to express, explain, and debate opinions and ideas. Daily exercise.

I only scored 15.77909% on that Geek test, incidentally. In my opinion it was too computer and Sci Fi based. I am sure I'd score much higher on a more literature/fantasy based geek test.

[Lalwendë]

I have to say that I'm really impressed by the things I've seen on the 'Downs which have been written by younger members - you all deserve a big round of applause! This is especially encouraging when all you seem to hear these days is how teenagers are 'delinquents' etc. I always thought this was nonsense and you are proof of this. I trained as a teacher (didn't go into it as a career though, it scared me), and if I was teaching now, I'd recommend this site to any of my students who were into Tolkien.

In my current job I see a lot of papers about technology and education, and how greater use of t'Internet (sorry, I've been watching Peter Kay...) is to be encouraged, as it's seen as a way of getting 'disengaged' people involved in society. But I also see how many people are scared of computer technology simply because they don't understand it. As an example, there are a scarily high number of people in the UK who refuse to learn about IT, even if they are offered free use of a PC. So if anyone has non-IT literate parents who are worried about online activity, I'd say that first of all, try to get them learning about what fun it can be themselves (get them looking for bargains online, that usually works!). Or simply be open and let them see what you're doing online and that it's nothing scary! But, if all else fails, I'd say be patient and go along with what they want, because it's never good to upset your parents (sorry, I know that sounds all grown-up!!!).

I was lucky in that my parents indulged, or perhaps tried to ignore, my various obsessions. They actually had two Tolkien obsessed children, and encouraged things like D&D evenings at our house. I suppose they were happy that none of us were getting involved in crime or anything dangerous.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

My mother holds fully to the "For all you know you could be talking to some 40-year-old pervert petifile!" thing. I did tell her that this is a very family-friendly site, and that any problems of the creepy-git variety are quickly dealt with, but she gave me a patented maternal look and just said "You just be careful" in this tone she's got.

Fea

[HerenIstarion]

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[Brinniel]

I have to say that my experience on the BD as a teenager has been overall an excellent one. I know there are many parents out there who are afraid of letting their children get involved with online forums, but when it's something like the BD, being involved online can be good for the child.

After reading RPGs that I have taken part in, I've noticed how tremendously I've improved in my creative writing skills over a year's time. I spent hours on those RPGs, using a thesaurus to perfect my writing, and refusing to stop perfecting it until I reached my high standards of what I hoped would be a professional quality of writing. And it paid off. Not only have I noticed improvements in writing stories, but I can now write poetry real well (something I used to hate).

Not only has the BD improved my creative writing, but also the quality of my essay writing, particularly persuasive. Anytime I wanted to argue an issue, I wrote carefully, supporting each of my opinions with facts, something that is essential to essay writing.

Obviously, the BD improved my overall knowledge of Tolkien's works. Reading different topics in the forum have helped me understand many details of his books better than before and I've learned to appreciate all Tolkien's hard work and effort he put into these books.

And lastly, BD has improved my self-esteem. Being active in something online that's actually eduactional, has made me feel quite good about myself. I'm able to converse with people I normally would never meet about something I love.

My parents have never been bothered by the fact that I enjoy taking part in online forums, though my mom has threatened to ban me several times simply because my constant visits to the BD (visits that were hours at a time) began to affect my schoolwork, especially during those months when my teachers gave ridiculous amounts of homework along with my dance team competitions (which is why, unfortunately, I was forced to give up RPGing completely).

So, in summary, the BD is a healthy experience for anyone of any age, as long as you don't become so involved, it affects your real life.