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Visit The *EVEN NEWER* Barrow-Downs Photo Page |
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#1 |
Brightness of a Blade
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LOL! and the first one as a contribution to the thread Mysterious 10th Bearer. As in- Bilbo replaced the Ring with a fake one when he changed the chain in Rivendell. Aw, people, don't roll your eyes!
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And no one was ill, and everyone was pleased, except those who had to mow the grass. |
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#2 |
Alive without breath
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 5,912
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Heres a bad one;
What is Dearon's favorate sweet (candy for all you americans out there) Minstrels! ![]() ![]() ![]()
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket... |
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#3 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,448
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Here is my super-sad joke
Whats Gamling's hobby? Gambling.... How did Gandalf the grey become gandalf the white? He finally decided to wash the dirt of his cloak another dumb one how many dwellings can two hobbits make by themselves? one (two halflings make a whole) hahahaha ![]()
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Morsul the Resurrected |
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#4 |
Deadnight Chanter
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Keep coming, folks
Two orks in Mordor
O1: It's quite boring down here O2: Why won't we have fun with that hairy-feet halfling in the dungeon, than? O1: Can't. The wretched rat dug up too many holes down there, no way of finding him. Says holes make him feel comfortable, dratted rabbit!
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Egroeg Ihkhsal - Would you believe in the love at first sight? - Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time! |
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#5 | |
Scion of The Faithful
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: The brink, where hope and despair are akin. [The Philippines]
Posts: 5,312
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フェンリス鴨 (Fenrisu Kamo) The plot, cut, defeated. I intend to copy this sig forever - so far so good...
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#6 |
Scion of The Faithful
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: The brink, where hope and despair are akin. [The Philippines]
Posts: 5,312
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Here's one I thought up long ago.
What if Frodo was brought before Sauron?
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フェンリス鴨 (Fenrisu Kamo) The plot, cut, defeated. I intend to copy this sig forever - so far so good...
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#7 |
Laconic Loreman
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Denethor putting baby Boromir to bed....
Denethor: Let me sing you a lullaby. Rock a by baby on the White tower...(baby Faramir starts crying). Denethor: Shut up and go to sleep, stupid wanton. |
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#8 |
Laconic Loreman
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Following Perky's wonderful story from Monty Python, I had a bunch on "The Princess Bride," and "Monty Python" But I can only remember a few...
(At the Black Gates) Aragorn: Give us the gate key. Mouth of Sauron: I have no gate key. Legolas: Gimli rip off his arms. Mouth of Sauron: Oh you mean this gate key. ----------- Isildur (to Sauron): Hello my name is Isildur, son of Elendil, you killed my father. Prepare to die! ---------- (Lurtz the immortal Black Uruk) (Lurtz and Boromir engage in battle. Lurtz kills Boromir. Aragorn runs in.) Lurtz: None shall pass. Aragorn: I am King Aragorn, I must cross to my friend. Lurtz: None shall pass. Aragorn: I have no quarrel with you black uruk, but I must cross. Lurtz: Then you must die. (Start fighting, Aragorn chops off Lurtz's arm) Aragorn: You are beaten. Lurtz: Tis only a scratch. Aragorn: A scratch! Your arms off! Lurtz: I've had worse. Aragorn: you've had... (They engage in combat again. Aragorn throws knife into Lurtz's leg. Aragorn walks away. Knife hilt hits him in the back of the head.) Lurtz: Tis only a flesh wound. Aragorn: You've faught bravely black uruk. But the fight is mine. Lurtz: Come on you panzy! (They engage in combat. Aragorn stabs Lurtz in the chest. Aragorn walks away again, but Lurtz trips him.) Aragorn: What are you going to do bleed on me? Lurtz: The Black Uruk always triumphs! Aragorn: You're a looney. (chops off Lurtz's head and walks away.) Lurtz: Come back here you yellow-bellied bas**rd! I'll bite your legs off! I know this isn't exact but, I haven't seen the movie in ages, so bear with me ![]() |
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#9 |
Deadnight Chanter
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after a break...
Sam in Golden Perch:
Sam: What's the price for just one drop of your finest beer, sir? Inkeeper: um... what? One drop? Drop comes free, I suppose... Sam: Very well ![]()
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Egroeg Ihkhsal - Would you believe in the love at first sight? - Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time! |
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#10 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
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One of the ways Grima Wormtongue gained favor with Theoden was that he would often point out that gas was cheaper at such and such place while traveling in the royal van.
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Fenris Wolf: WW LXXX. |
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#11 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,448
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I like this joke still
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Morsul the Resurrected |
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#12 | |
Wight of the Old Forest
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Unattended on the railway station, in the litter at the dancehall
Posts: 3,329
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Und aus dem Erebos kamen viele seelen herauf der abgeschiedenen toten.- Homer, Odyssey, Canto XI |
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#13 |
Guard of the Citadel
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxon
Posts: 2,205
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Another funny one I just found with StumbleUpon, and it happens to again be Gandalf and the balrog... seems this is all that most people remember.
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“The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.”
Delos B. McKown |
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#14 |
Maniacal Mage
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Good ones! Here's another:
Feanor: If you must break it, do it. But know I will kill myself and be the first of the Eldar to die Manwe: Not the first Feanor: What do you mean, not the first? Manwe: You'll be the 23ed to spill your blood. Feanor: Who died? Manwe: Tons of elves at Formenos! Didn't you hear? The stock market collasped. Everyone was invested in SIL, and when Morgoth took the simarils, it crashed. There's been 21 suicides. Feanor: 21? Who's the other person that died? Manwe: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, your father died Feanor: Morgoth! I'll kill him! Manwe: Actually, he had a heart attack. Bad Cholesterol. Shame really Feanor: This is turing out to be a really bad day
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.' |
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#15 |
Deadnight Chanter
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The Doors of Sauron, Lord of Mordor. Speak, foe, and clear off! Your pathetic incantations are pestering!
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Egroeg Ihkhsal - Would you believe in the love at first sight? - Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time! |
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#16 |
Maniacal Mage
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Or how about
The Walls of Isildur, Lord of Minas Tirith, speak seven, and enter
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.' |
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#17 |
Scion of The Faithful
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: The brink, where hope and despair are akin. [The Philippines]
Posts: 5,312
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"In case you haven't noticed, you've got an arrow sticking out your back."
Ouch.
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フェンリス鴨 (Fenrisu Kamo) The plot, cut, defeated. I intend to copy this sig forever - so far so good...
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#18 |
Maniacal Mage
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Seriously.
New Entry! Luthien: Please bring Beren and me back to life! Mandos: Hmm...I'm gonna have to ask my manager on that one. One sec *goes into back room* Mandos: Let's see here, where did I put that manuel. Hmm...ah! Here it is! Right under Gardening for dummies! I forgot to give that back to Lorien. Now, let's see here. Reviving the dead...reviving the dead....here! Let's see, you're gonna have to sing me a song! Luthien: No problem! Here's we go....*voice cracks and is mute* Mandos: Whadayaknow! Larengitis! How's that for luck. Well, call me if that ever goes away, but I doubt it. Thanks for comming. Do stop by again! *Luthien gestures to manuel* Mandos: What about the manuel? Something about Larengitis? Let's see...in the case that said reviver cannot sing, said person will be compensated with one soul Luthien: *inaudible speak* Mandos: So, who's it gonna be? *Luthien tries to say Beren* Mandos: What's that? Carcharoth, you say? Well ok! It's your life! Carcharoth: Well, if it helps....you can have his hand? Luthien: *nods* After they all lived (after making some adjustments) happily ever after!
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.' |
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#19 |
Maniacal Mage
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Balrog: Roar! I shall kill you with my fiery fire!
Gandalf: I am a servant of the secret fire! Balrog: Secret fire? Gandalf: Weilder of the flame of Anor Balrog: Flame of Anor? Gandalf: The dark fire shall not avail you, flame of Udun? Balrog: It won't? Ok! *Balrog walks away* Director: Cut! Cut! Balrog! You're suppost to try to use the fire anyways! Balrog: But I thought he said? Director: Never mind what he said! Just do it! Balrod: But what about all that secret fire stuff? He sounds like a better fire person than me! Director: Well...uh...just get back in place! TAKE 2 Assistant: This is Bridge of Khazad-dum! Take 2! Marker! Gandalf: I am a servant of the secret fire! Weilder of the flame of Anor! The dark fire shall not avail you, Flame of Udun! Balrog: Oh yeah? Take this! Gandalf: *summons shield* Gandalf: You shall not pass! *Balrog steps and Bridge breaks* Balrog: Ha! I have wings! I can fly! Director: Actually, the majority says that you have wings but can't fly ![]() Balrog: Well that sucks.....
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.' |
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#20 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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#21 |
Maniacal Mage
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Why thank you very much MasterKiller
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.' |
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#22 |
Maniacal Mage
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Saruman: I created the Uruk-hai! I am all powerful! I have a big ego problem! Minor, less powerful or important orc whos name shall never be known, send in Lurtz!
Orcs: Yes master! *walks out* I don't know why I signed up for this! You don't have to put up for this in Mordor! Well Lurtz, Saruman wants you! Lurtz: Ok, thanks! *kills minor, less powerful or important orc whos name shall never be known* You wanted to see me? Saruman: It's time for your daily stamping and brain-washing! Whom do you serve? Lurtz: I serve myself! Don't even try to stamp me! I'm a mercinary now, and I listen to no one! Saruman: Fool! Obey me! *hits Lurts with staff* Lurtz: I dare you to do that one more time... Saruman: *takes a step foward* How's that for a cliff-hanger?!?
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'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.' |
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#23 |
Spirit of Nen Lalaith
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Meneltarma
Posts: 5,408
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In Gondolin....
Turgon: Welcome, kinsman, for I consider thou as such. Eol(makes fishy noises,then...) Eol: I don't care about you! I came to drag my wife and son back! Turgon: So you love my sister and nephew? Eol: Not exactly...Aredhel and Maeglin stole Anguirel...You know how it is... (Turgon, Aredhel and Maeglin roll their eyes. Eol smiles victoriously.)
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Tuor: Yeah, it was me who broke [Morleg's] arm. With a wrench. Specifically, this wrench. I am suffering from Maeglinomaniacal Maeglinophilia. |
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#24 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Muddy-earth
Posts: 1,297
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How many Istari does it take to change a light bulb?......................It would depend on what they were trying to change it into.
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[B]THE LORD OF THE GRINS:THE ONE PARODY....A PARODY BETTER THAN THE RINGS OF POWER. |
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#25 |
Spirit of Nen Lalaith
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Meneltarma
Posts: 5,408
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See this:
Somwhere in Beleriand, two people are talking. "You know poor Gorlim?", asked one. "Indeed.", answered his companion. "Well,he covered Sauron with blood.Blood that came out of him when Sauron killed him." "And?" "And every woman from Middle earth, including Sauron's wife and Eilinel,squaled with laughter!"
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Tuor: Yeah, it was me who broke [Morleg's] arm. With a wrench. Specifically, this wrench. I am suffering from Maeglinomaniacal Maeglinophilia. |
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#26 |
Spirit of Nen Lalaith
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Meneltarma
Posts: 5,408
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A small puppy was seen. People shrieked asking each other who its owner was. Finally,after six years of searchig,the owner was found. It was Celegorm....
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Tuor: Yeah, it was me who broke [Morleg's] arm. With a wrench. Specifically, this wrench. I am suffering from Maeglinomaniacal Maeglinophilia. |
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#27 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Muddy-earth
Posts: 1,297
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What sort of bread do hobbits like.............................................. ...........shortbread
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[B]THE LORD OF THE GRINS:THE ONE PARODY....A PARODY BETTER THAN THE RINGS OF POWER. |
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#28 |
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Muddy-earth
Posts: 1,297
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What would you call a noldo in Texas....................................Gnome on the Range.
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[B]THE LORD OF THE GRINS:THE ONE PARODY....A PARODY BETTER THAN THE RINGS OF POWER. |
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#29 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Great shortest jokes.
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#30 |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Serbia
Posts: 34
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Gandalf was lighting his pipe in the burial chamber of Balin:
"Naur an edraith ammen! Naur... oh, ****. Summoned the Balrog...Run!" ![]()
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"...Aim for the moon,if you miss,you may hit a star..." -W.Clement Stone- |
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#31 |
Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Serbia
Posts: 34
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During The Last Alliance of Elves and Men, an elf was captured by an orc. He was injured very badly, and his arm needed to be amputated.
He asked the orc, "Could you send my arm to Mirkwood?" The orc said he would. The next day the elf’s other arm had to be amputated, and he asked if it could be sent to Mirkwood, too.The orc agreed. Then the elf’s leg had to be amputated, and he asked the same thing. The orc agreed to that as well. But when the elf’s other leg had to be amputated, and he asked thing same to be done with it, the orc got fed up. "Now hold on," the orc said, "You’re trying to escape, aren’t you?" ![]() ![]()
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"...Aim for the moon,if you miss,you may hit a star..." -W.Clement Stone- |
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#32 |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,491
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And when this new star was seen at evening, Maedhros spoke to Maglor his brother, and he said: "Surely that is a Silmaril that shines now in the West?"
And Maglor answered: "No, stupid! It's an airplane!" ~~~ Pippin looked in the Palantir and was trapped by Sauron, and Sauron told him that to escape he has to answer three questions. Pippin, seeing no other way, agreed. So Sauron began to ask him things: S: Where did Beren see Luthien for the first time? P: In Doriath. S: What does Gollum call the Ruling Ring? P: My preciouss. S: How many stars did Varda place on the sky? P: The lore-masters haven't determined yet. Since Pippin answered all three correctly (to his big surprise and relief) Sauron let him go. On the morning he came to Aragorn and told him that it's ok to look in the palantir as long as you can answer Sauron's questions. "Just answer him In Doriath, my precious, and the lore-masters haven't determined yet - in that order," Pippin told him. So when opportunity arose Aragorn took the palantir and looked inside. "Well met, Aragorn son of Arathorn!" said Sauron. "Answer my 3 questions if you wish to remain the same man ever again!" S: Where is your kingdom, Lord of the Dunedain? A: In Doriath. S: Who told you that? A: My precious. S: Are you an idiot?! A: The lore-masters haven't determined yet.
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You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera Last edited by Galadriel55; 02-11-2012 at 12:46 PM. Reason: spelling, the bane of writing |
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#33 |
Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,491
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And some more...
Sam: Legolas, tell me, can Oliphaunts fly?
Legolas: No Sam. Sam: Gandalf said they could. Legolas (scratches head): Well, then they fly, but very very low... ~~~ Bilbo and Gollum are playing the riddle game. Gollum starts: -Once upon a time there were two fell beasts, one black and another to the north. How old am I? -100 years old. -How do you know? -Half a century ago they were saying that you're half cracked... ~~~ What do you call a swarthy man with slanted eyes who looks half an orc? His name, of course! Don't be racist!
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You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera Last edited by Galadriel55; 02-10-2012 at 03:22 PM. |
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