Defective Weapons Inc.

[The Perky Ent]

...yeah...that really isn't a defective weapon. Now if it was someone like Wormtongue doing something like that, that'd fit. But, anyways

Ents: Die Isengard!
*ents throw stones that crush orcs*
Ent: Break the Dam!
*ents break dam and flood Isengard*

Woops! That's another one that actually happens. Poor bridge!

[Morsul the Dark]

Saruman goesd outside to rouse his orc army he starts yelling all of a sudden he relizes he has larengitus and in their very shorttermed memory the uruk-hai scatter and are never seen again

[Nimrothiel]

*Gandalf is cornered in Orthanc by Saruman, but suddenly his staff begins to hum and pulse with a vibrant green color. *

Saruman: "What the..."

Gandalf: "You'd be amazed what you can find on E-bay these days."

*Gandalf executes some moves that would put even Episode II Yoda to shame, and slices Saruman's staff into three pieces and the bottom half of his robe off; revealing heart-patterned boxers and blue-veined legs*

Saruman: "Well, ****e on me."

*Gandalf then forces Saruman to parade around Orthanc in his boxers whilst singing "They're Coming to Take Me Away;" needless to say, his followers desert him after a round of laughter. Thus much of the Fellowship's trouble is reduced, and Frodo makes it to Mount Doom in record time.*

[The Perky Ent]

Wow. There's an Orthanc vibe going around.

*smaug is terrorizing everywhere around Erebor. Then while breathing fire, he stops and startes choking*
Smaug: Cough! Hack! Wheeze! Stupid Heartfreeze!

[ninlaith]

It may not be that funny but here goes...

Frodo is in Shelob's lair with the Phial of Galadriel. The Phial shines a moment then goes out. He pounds it on his leg...it flickers...nothing. Then he stops...thinks....This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine....This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine..let it shine...let it shine....let it shine. Shelob dies from terror from his terrible singing.

eehh I tried

[Morsul the Dark]

Actually I like that alot ninlaith I can Imagine Frodo singing hehe

Sam is smacking people around in moria with his pan the bottom breaks out..."What My pan is broken now I cant make taters!" Kills everyone including Balrog

[The Perky Ent]

How about this:

Gandalf: A palantir is a dangerous tool, Saruman! You don't know who else is watching!

Saruman: Oh shut it! Palantir, Palantir, on the stone. Sauron or me, who is bad to the bone?

Sauron: Um...Saruman? You do realize I can see you right?

Saruman: It said Saruman! It said Saruman!

[Witch-King]

*Sarumon gazes into his Palantir, but sees nothing.*

"What in Middle-Earth?"

*He shakes it, and slowly the blackness lifts to reveal...a holiday snowglobe!*

"Down to the depths with you!!!"

*Tosses snowglobe out the window.*

*Witch-King appears*

WK: "You reject Sauron's gift??!!! Then you shall die!"

*Attacks Sarumon, who severs the Witch-King's arm with his staff through a spell*

Sarumon: "There, now leave me be."

WK: "Tis but a scratch, sir."

Sarumon: "A scratch?! Your arm's off!"

WK: "No it isn't!"

Sarumon pointing to severed arm: "Well what do you call that then?"

WK: "I've had worse."

Sarumon: "You lie!"

WK: "Comeon you pansy!"

*Sarumon severs WK's other arm*

Sarumon: "There, now leave me be..."

*WK kicks Sarumon*

WK: "Come on then!"

Sarumon: "Look you bloody bastard you've got no arms left!"

WK: "Yes I have."

Sarumon: "LOOK!"

WK: "Just a flesh wound."

Sarumon: "Look I'll have your leg. Right!"

*Sarumon cuts off one of WK's legs*

WK: "I'll do you for that!"

Sarumon: "You'll what?"

WK: "Come here!"

Sarumon: "What are you gonna do, bleed on me?"

WK: "The Witch-King always triumphs! Have at you! I'm invincible!!"

Sarumon: "You're a looney!"

*Sarumon cuts off WK's other leg. He is now just a torso.*

WK: "Alright, we'll call it a draw."

*Sarumon heads for the stairs*

WK: "Oh I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastard! Come back here and fight me! I'll bite your legs off!"

Monty Python rules!

[The Perky Ent]

Yes, Monty Python Rules!

Beren: Yes! I got the simaril! Now I can marry Luthien!
Carcharoth: Not if I can help it!
(tries to bite Beren's hand, but breaks death on Beren's hand)
Carcharoth: My teeth!
Beren: I knew that Boflex would pay off!

[Mithalwen]

Sorry this is a film one....but since it didn't happen in the book.... wouldn't you just have loved it if Arwen's hand had slipped when she did that "what's this a ranger of the north caught of his guard" thinf... oh %^&*% ...... Aragorn darling ..are you alright?"

Eriador Evening Post

Arwen, daughter of Lord Elrond of Imladris was being questioned last night in connection with the death of her Fiance, Aragorn, Chieftain of the Dunedain and Isildur's heir. Miss Undomiel claims that Mr Telcontar , who was found with his throat slit died as result of a joke that went horribly wrong. The authorities are reopening the investigation into the death of Mr Telcontar's father who was killed in the company of Miss Undomiel's brothers many years ago. .....