Defective Weapons Inc.

[The Perky Ent]

Nice. Anyways,

Boromir: Merry! Pippin! I'll save you! *Boromir jumps in front of orcs and starts killing them*
Lurtz: No you aint! *fires arrow at Boromir* *arrow hits Boromir and breaks* Huh?
Boromir: Ha ha!
Lurtz: Well, maybe that arrow was faulty! *fires again* *arow breaks*
Boromir: This is getting amusing!
Lurtz: Alright! This one will do it! *fires arrow* *arrow breaks*
Boromir: Silly Lurtz! Haven't you heard? 5 minute rock hard Abs really does work!

And BTW, I haven't tried, but don't listen to me, because I'm pretty sure five minutes abs really doesn't work

[The Perky Ent]

Bilbo: My old sword, Sting! Take it! Take it! It glows blue when orcs are near, and it's times like this, my lad, when you'll need it most!

*later in Moria*
Pippin: Whoops!
*drums in the deep*
Gandalf: Get ready! Orcs are comming!
Frodo: No they're not. If they were, my sword would be glowing! There's nothing to worry about!
Gandalf: Well...if you insist...
*orcs and cave troll charge into the chamber*
Gandalf: Frodo?
Frodo: Whoops! I forgot to put new bateries in this!

[elronds_daughter]

was that 'battery' thing a plug for Energizer or Duracell, Perky? anyway...

*Frodo wakes up and finds himself in Rivendell*
Frodo: Where am I? And what is the time?
Gandalf: oh, stop addressing the ceiling. i'm over here.
Frodo: Gandalf! Where have you been?
Gandalf: Uh... Never mind.
Frodo: Aww.... Pleeeeeeeze tell me, Gandalf!
Gandalf: oh, fine.
*Gandalf launches into a lengthy description of his 'adventure' at Isenguard, and Frodo subsequently falls asleep.*

ok, so it's not really a weapon. but it proves that Gandalf is losing some of his story-telling ability.

[The Perky Ent]

...yeah...that really isn't a defective weapon. Now if it was someone like Wormtongue doing something like that, that'd fit. But, anyways

Ents: Die Isengard!
*ents throw stones that crush orcs*
Ent: Break the Dam!
*ents break dam and flood Isengard*

Woops! That's another one that actually happens. Poor bridge!

[Morsul the Dark]

Saruman goesd outside to rouse his orc army he starts yelling all of a sudden he relizes he has larengitus and in their very shorttermed memory the uruk-hai scatter and are never seen again

[Nimrothiel]

*Gandalf is cornered in Orthanc by Saruman, but suddenly his staff begins to hum and pulse with a vibrant green color. *

Saruman: "What the..."

Gandalf: "You'd be amazed what you can find on E-bay these days."

*Gandalf executes some moves that would put even Episode II Yoda to shame, and slices Saruman's staff into three pieces and the bottom half of his robe off; revealing heart-patterned boxers and blue-veined legs*

Saruman: "Well, ****e on me."

*Gandalf then forces Saruman to parade around Orthanc in his boxers whilst singing "They're Coming to Take Me Away;" needless to say, his followers desert him after a round of laughter. Thus much of the Fellowship's trouble is reduced, and Frodo makes it to Mount Doom in record time.*

[The Perky Ent]

Wow. There's an Orthanc vibe going around.

*smaug is terrorizing everywhere around Erebor. Then while breathing fire, he stops and startes choking*
Smaug: Cough! Hack! Wheeze! Stupid Heartfreeze!