The Warg and Warg Rider Appreciation Thread

[Kransha]

O, Eomer of the Mighty Thread (and hair)! Alas, alack, too long has it been since I have driven my forceful hand into the beauteous mess that is this most noble of threads. But, anon I come again! With tales and tells, with lous and lays, to reminisce of the grand circumstance of wargdom!

Here, my friends, are some Fun!Facts! of Warg History.

- During the Third Age of Middle Earth, while Sauron kept himself in Mordor to muster his forces, an Warg League Baseball team, the "Gorgoroth Berserkers", embarked on a winning streak that has never been matched since in the annals of Middle Earth competitive inter-species sporting, defeating such favorites as the Osgiliath Sentries, the Lorien Rangers, the Rivendell Titans, the Harad Mumakil, and the Edoras Riders to finish both the 1348 and 1349 seasons undefeated, with a cumulative record of 263-0-3.

- It is said that when Luthien Tinuviel died, the whole world went into morning. This is true even for the Wargs -- over 6,000 Wargs held lit candles and arranged themselves at the Morannon to spell out the message "WE MIS U LUTHEN", which was said to have been visible by Eru himself. A Warg songwriter by the name of "Grrrrrrargh" composed a ballad to Luthien that was so haunting, it is still in use today as a drinking song in the halls of Rivendell.

- Many know the tale of Beren and Luthien, but few know that Beren's cousin Earl married an Warg-maiden named Snrlaa. Earl and Srnlaa moved to a suburb of Minas Tirith after their marriage and raised five children, living in married bliss for over 50 years.

- Until the unfortunate incident involving a hobbit and great Elf warrior, the tower of Cirith Ungol was a shelter for abused and neglected Gondorian wives seeking shelter from their husbands, as well as Faramirs and Boromirs seeking shelter from Abuser!Denethors. Ruffff, Warg-steed of Gorbag, who operated the Cirith Ungol shelter out of his own personal funds, said that the work was the "The most rewardin' work me and me lads could eva dream a' havin." (Translated 'loosely' from Wargspeak).

- There is a Warg living six miles south of Mount Doom, named Grufflesmuk, who can cross one eye independently of the other, and can point his eyes off in separate directions. It's really freaky, you totally need to see it. (Ref: John Ronald Ruel Tolkien, Forgotten/Lost/Misplaced/Ignored/Silly Letter #987.2, February 29, 1952)

- Though Saruman took the credit, the Warg named Ruglnkurf attempted to patent a method that he had invented of reducing emissions and increasing efficiency in Saruman's pits of industry. Though Ruglnkurf was never officially credited, his methods are still in use today at most modern steel mills and foundries.

- At the end of the Seocnd Age, as the Last Alliance fought against the host of Sauron, one group of Wargs, after convincing their riders to accompany them, attempted to make peace with the Elves besieging them. As Isildur sliced the ring from Sauron's finger, a few scant miles away Warg, Orc, and Elf alike were merrily drinking and carousing, playing games and leering indecently at Elf- and Warg-maiden alike. After the war, the Wargs who desired peace attempted to live in Rivendell, but found that the job market couldn't support such immigration and that rent was too high.

- The record for "Most Foes Slain In A Single Battle" is held by an Warg named Mishwak, in the Four-Hundred And Ninth Battle of the Westfold, with 212 opponents to fall before his sword. Both the Mouth of Sauron and a representative of the Steward of Gondor were on hand to award Mishwak with a plaque recognizing his efforts and the severed head of the record-breaking 197th kill, bronzed, which he almost devoured at the after-party reception. Commented Mishwak, "This, this right here -- this is proof that no matter where you come from, anyone has what it takes to be the best. This is for all the Wargs watching at home who thought they could never amount to anything!"

- Uthmrfff, in addition to being a skilled commander of the Warg Legions in the Siege of Minas Tirith, was also a pioneer in the fields of radioactive chemistry and X-ray research. Tragically, it was only due to Uthmrfff's studies of radioactivity that we now know of its dangers, and Uthmrfff himself was so afflicted by the radiation from all the samples he had handled that he contracted numerous cancerous tumors all over his body, the largest one - on the top side of his head - estimated to weigh over 15 pounds. He said that he would not elect to have it removed, to serve as a reminder to all of the unquenchable Warg spirit and thirst for knowledge.

[Nirvana II]

Are wargs just really big Wolves?

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Nirvana II, so nice of you to come here to the Appreciation Thread to discover more about Wargs. Albeit, you have some reading to catch up on! Wargs and Wolves are like stones and Elves (a Wargish version of our phrase "Chalk and Cheese"). Though their bodies are usually similar in proportion, Wargs are far larger in size. The average Warg is also around 670 times mightier than the average Wolf. Blessed with a divine wit and marvellous conversational skills, Wargs are also far more pleasant to be around (when they are friendly).

Kransha, truly wonderful to have you return to us! My, my, those outlandish facts were a delight to discover (not to mention hilarious) and they will no doubt be shared in many a pub throughout the lands tonight, and indeed any other night.

My particular favourite was the revelation that Wargs and Elves and Orcs indulged in alcohol and merrymaking during the Last Alliance. It is an oft overlooked attribute of Wargs that they are extremely roguish and thoroughly enjoy the more *ahem* salacious aspects of life.

This is the main reason why the prudish 'Gondorian Families United' marched in protest of Wargs in the year 458 of the Fourth Age, demanding the imprisonment of all Wargs of 'low moral standards'. Needless to say, the protest group were duly devoured by the unimpressed Wargs of Anfalas.

[Nirvana II]

but..wargs...are evil most of the time right?

[One of the Nine]

Ok, I have learned a LOT about how you people veiw wargs, but I still think Tolkien wanted them to look dumb in LotR, because nowhere does it say that they have their own language/languages, and nowhere does it say that they have any wit at all! Yet, in the Hobbit, they talk and obviously that does take some wit. It's like their demeaned in LotR.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Nirvana II, Wargs are, in fact, highly susceptible to persuasion by the powers of evil. A common trait of the mighty, unfortunately.

One of the Nine, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings were translations of manuscripts written by Hobbits. Hobbits actually knew very little about Wargs, thus you cannot take their word for it.

[One of the Nine]

Originally Posted by Eomer of the Rohirrim

One of the Nine, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings were translations of manuscripts written by Hobbits. Hobbits actually knew very little about Wargs, thus you cannot take their word for it.

Well, looking back at the book, I can see where you're right. If the book were written by the Wargs point of view, I think it would be so different, it would almost be another book. Although it would be rather facinating to see the Wargs point of view... *goes off and attempts to start writing, and then comes back to the computer and gives up*