The Reunification of the Entish Bow - Discussion - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Estelyn Telcontar · 06-12-2004, 03:38 PM

Good luck, Mith!

Thanks, Diamond, for yet another great post, exploring a side of Middle-earth usually noted only by Radagast...

Anyone wanting to take advantage of the opportunity to explore the possibilities of time travel should hurry up - I will be posting early next week to finish the sidetrack off, and Bb will end the escapade approximately mid-week.

Bêthberry · 06-13-2004, 10:20 AM

Oh my Squatter, a most clever interjection of the Travestometer, and by Squirrels no less!

An astounding post. More I cannot say as the settling dust chokes my throat. Back soon ...

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh · 06-13-2004, 01:15 PM

Thanks, Bêthberry.

I thought I'd include the illustrious academics, Doctors Overdale and Tenant because I know that a lot of you are already familiar with their ground-breaking experiments on the Travest-o-Meter®. The paper that these two distinguished pioneers of rotary travestorial measurement eventually published in New Scientist does describe one occasion on which a group of individuals, by their mere speech patterns and physical presence, destroyed one of the early prototypes. Obviously such an event could not have occurred with one of the production models, which feature an emergency shut-down mechanism to be used in the unstable situations that can occur on the frontiers of literary criticism.

Tenant and Overdale were unfortunate in that their invention was revealed to the scientific community only days after a new calculation of Pi, which eclipsed the Travest-o-Meter and lost them their Nobel Prize. However, they managed to console themselves by becoming two of the richest scientists in the history of the world through the mass production of their discovery. Currently they act as remote consultants on the use of Travest-o-Metrics from a five-star hotel in Barbados.

***Mister Underhill*** · 06-14-2004, 09:01 AM

TO: Doctor Squatter, Esq., Bungalow Three, Surfside, Barbados

FROM: Doctor Underhill (Field Marshall, ret.), Bungalow Seven, Surfside, Barbados

RE: Another success

My Dear Squatter,

Congratulations on your latest achievement in the translation of Deeproot's magnum opus. I have received a note from an independent research team in Bern. Their analysis of the events of the past thirty odd hours indicates that you have successfully conflated fiction, satire, mediated reality, and actual reality into so tangled a self-referential web that it will take scholars and fanboys decades of intensive research, discussion, and debate to unravel its strands.

We are one step closer to our dream of a utopian future powered solely by Travest-o-technology©.

I'm certain you will also be interested in the attached video-still forwarded to me by the boys in our lab at Travest-o-Corp-Wolvercote. It shows our advanced industrial prototype safely* venting overload from a spike event that occurred yesterday, roughly between 12:10:00 and 12:40:00 GMT.

I shall be by the hot-tub if you wish to join me in celebration. Just follow the sound of popping champagne corks and the smell of Hawaiin Tropic suntan oil.

Yours &tc.,

Dr. Underhill

ATTACHMENT:

*In any case it would have been safe if some bumbling idiots had not failed to paint a "DO NOT WALK" warning on the floor behind the exhaust port as is plainly indicated in our design schematic. Apparently HR is quietly seeking a new junior lab technician for the Wolvercote facility as of this morning. I'll say no more in respect of a legal action which I am informed may be impending.

Estelyn Telcontar · 06-14-2004, 03:22 PM

Dear Sirs,

I would like to take this opportunity to complain of the serious health damage inflicted upon me by the reading of your report. I do not know in which field of learning your doctorate was aquired, but I could have used a medical doctor to stich up my sides after your account had me in stitches. It is reported that a healer will arrive soon; perhaps her ministrations will soothe my ailment.

Respectfully,
Lady Estelyn, Chief Loremistress of Minas Tirith

***Mithadan*** · 06-30-2004, 09:14 AM

*Grrralph enters a crypt-like cavern, waving away the dust that hovers in the air before him. Cobwebs hang from the stone ceiling and rubble and powdered stone cover the uneven floor. Needs a sweeping, he muses before continuing on towards the dressing room doors which line the far wall. He knocks at first one, then another and still another. No answer.

"Hallloooo!" he cries. But the only response is a sudden flurry of bat wings. A portal opens to his left and a ghostly hand emerges, beckoning to him with a crooked finger. "We have been waiting for you," intones an unearthly voice. "Come.... Elvenhome awaits..."

He staggers back and begins pounding again upon the dressing room doors. Behind him, Mantoes emerges from the glowing portal and moves towards him followed by an officious looking Elf carrying a clipboard. "Tsk, tsk," clucks the Elf. "Well overdue. Shall we take him Boss?"

Mantoes raises his arm and reaches towards Grrralph. He opens his mouth to speak even as the wraith rattles the doorknob of another dressing room. What will Mantoes say...?

Kuruharan · 06-30-2004, 02:02 PM

Kuruharan sticks his head out of his (newly discovered) dressing room where he had been quietly moldering.

“huh…wha…” he said in one of his more articulate utterances of recent memory. Then he caught sight of Mantoes. He suddenly sprang into action.

“Greetings Muddled-mirth’s answer to the Grim Reaper! I see that by some oversight you are lacking in the appropriate equipment for a being in your occupation. If you’ll just step in here I’ll show you my line of scythes, and if that does not interest you, I have a wondrous selection of rakes to peruse.”

“But…I…” stammered Mantoes as Kuruharan shoved him into the dressing room. As soon as he was through the door, Kuruharan slammed it shut on him. Then he went over to speak to Grralph.

“Salutations on your return. I have been waiting eagerly to see if we manage to escape from the Seventh Age in one piece, or with an augmentation of characters. Alas, there seems to be a bit of a contract dispute over reasonable compensation. It appears that the RPG has garnered more money at the box office than originally anticipated and certain members are demanding a larger cut. I naturally have no idea who!” *wink*wink*

“By the way, I notice that Daffy resurrectum est!”

Kuruharan suddenly pulls out a bag.

“I’m sure I have some souvenirs from where ever it was you went to sell you…”

06-12-2004, 03:38 PM	#1
Estelyn Telcontar Princess of Skwerlz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles) Posts: 7,500	Good luck, Mith! Thanks, Diamond, for yet another great post, exploring a side of Middle-earth usually noted only by Radagast... Anyone wanting to take advantage of the opportunity to explore the possibilities of time travel should hurry up - I will be posting early next week to finish the sidetrack off, and Bb will end the escapade approximately mid-week. __________________ 'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'

06-13-2004, 10:20 AM	#2
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 6,003	Oh my Squatter, a most clever interjection of the Travestometer, and by Squirrels no less! An astounding post. More I cannot say as the settling dust chokes my throat. Back soon ... __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.

06-13-2004, 01:15 PM	#3
The Squatter of Amon Rûdh Spectre of Decay Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Bar-en-Danwedh Posts: 2,178	The Explosive Invention of Overdale and Tenant Thanks, Bêthberry. I thought I'd include the illustrious academics, Doctors Overdale and Tenant because I know that a lot of you are already familiar with their ground-breaking experiments on the Travest-o-Meter®. The paper that these two distinguished pioneers of rotary travestorial measurement eventually published in New Scientist does describe one occasion on which a group of individuals, by their mere speech patterns and physical presence, destroyed one of the early prototypes. Obviously such an event could not have occurred with one of the production models, which feature an emergency shut-down mechanism to be used in the unstable situations that can occur on the frontiers of literary criticism. Tenant and Overdale were unfortunate in that their invention was revealed to the scientific community only days after a new calculation of Pi, which eclipsed the Travest-o-Meter and lost them their Nobel Prize. However, they managed to console themselves by becoming two of the richest scientists in the history of the world through the mass production of their discovery. Currently they act as remote consultants on the use of Travest-o-Metrics from a five-star hotel in Barbados. __________________ Man kenuva métim' andúne?

06-14-2004, 09:01 AM	#4
*Mister Underhill* Dread Horseman Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Behind you! Posts: 2,744	Intra-hotel Memorandum TO: Doctor Squatter, Esq., Bungalow Three, Surfside, Barbados FROM: Doctor Underhill (Field Marshall, ret.), Bungalow Seven, Surfside, Barbados RE: Another success My Dear Squatter, Congratulations on your latest achievement in the translation of Deeproot's magnum opus. I have received a note from an independent research team in Bern. Their analysis of the events of the past thirty odd hours indicates that you have successfully conflated fiction, satire, mediated reality, and actual reality into so tangled a self-referential web that it will take scholars and fanboys decades of intensive research, discussion, and debate to unravel its strands. We are one step closer to our dream of a utopian future powered solely by Travest-o-technology©. I'm certain you will also be interested in the attached video-still forwarded to me by the boys in our lab at Travest-o-Corp-Wolvercote. It shows our advanced industrial prototype safely* venting overload from a spike event that occurred yesterday, roughly between 12:10:00 and 12:40:00 GMT. I shall be by the hot-tub if you wish to join me in celebration. Just follow the sound of popping champagne corks and the smell of Hawaiin Tropic suntan oil. Yours &tc., Dr. Underhill ATTACHMENT: In any case it would* have been safe if some bumbling idiots had not failed to paint a "DO NOT WALK" warning on the floor behind the exhaust port as is plainly indicated in our design schematic. Apparently HR is quietly seeking a new junior lab technician for the Wolvercote facility as of this morning. I'll say no more in respect of a legal action which I am informed may be impending.

06-14-2004, 03:22 PM	#5
Estelyn Telcontar Princess of Skwerlz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles) Posts: 7,500	Dear Sirs, I would like to take this opportunity to complain of the serious health damage inflicted upon me by the reading of your report. I do not know in which field of learning your doctorate was aquired, but I could have used a medical doctor to stich up my sides after your account had me in stitches. It is reported that a healer will arrive soon; perhaps her ministrations will soothe my ailment. Respectfully, Lady Estelyn, Chief Loremistress of Minas Tirith __________________ 'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'

06-30-2004, 09:14 AM	#6
*Mithadan* Spirit of Mist Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Tol Eressea Posts: 3,397	Grrralph enters a crypt-like cavern, waving away the dust that hovers in the air before him. Cobwebs hang from the stone ceiling and rubble and powdered stone cover the uneven floor. Needs a sweeping,* he muses before continuing on towards the dressing room doors which line the far wall. He knocks at first one, then another and still another. No answer. "Hallloooo!" he cries. But the only response is a sudden flurry of bat wings. A portal opens to his left and a ghostly hand emerges, beckoning to him with a crooked finger. "We have been waiting for you," intones an unearthly voice. "Come.... Elvenhome awaits..." He staggers back and begins pounding again upon the dressing room doors. Behind him, Mantoes emerges from the glowing portal and moves towards him followed by an officious looking Elf carrying a clipboard. "Tsk, tsk," clucks the Elf. "Well overdue. Shall we take him Boss?" Mantoes raises his arm and reaches towards Grrralph. He opens his mouth to speak even as the wraith rattles the doorknob of another dressing room. What will Mantoes say...? __________________ Beleriand, Beleriand, the borders of the Elven-land.

06-30-2004, 02:02 PM	#7
Kuruharan Regal Dwarven Shade Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: A Remote Dwarven Hold Posts: 3,593	Kuruharan sticks his head out of his (newly discovered) dressing room where he had been quietly moldering. “huh…wha…” he said in one of his more articulate utterances of recent memory. Then he caught sight of Mantoes. He suddenly sprang into action. “Greetings Muddled-mirth’s answer to the Grim Reaper! I see that by some oversight you are lacking in the appropriate equipment for a being in your occupation. If you’ll just step in here I’ll show you my line of scythes, and if that does not interest you, I have a wondrous selection of rakes to peruse.” “But…I…” stammered Mantoes as Kuruharan shoved him into the dressing room. As soon as he was through the door, Kuruharan slammed it shut on him. Then he went over to speak to Grralph. “Salutations on your return. I have been waiting eagerly to see if we manage to escape from the Seventh Age in one piece, or with an augmentation of characters. Alas, there seems to be a bit of a contract dispute over reasonable compensation. It appears that the RPG has garnered more money at the box office than originally anticipated and certain members are demanding a larger cut. I naturally have no idea who!” winkwink* “By the way, I notice that Daffy resurrectum est!” Kuruharan suddenly pulls out a bag. “I’m sure I have some souvenirs from where ever it was you went to sell you…” __________________ ...finding a path that cannot be found, walking a road that cannot be seen, climbing a ladder that was never placed, or reading a paragraph that has no... Last edited by Kuruharan; 06-30-2004 at 02:13 PM. Reason: left out an "o"