Defective Weapons Inc.

[***Gandalf***]

Wow. This is a really cool thread. How about...

Frodo: For no reason whatsoever, I'm going to put on my ring
Witch King: Die!
*nothing happens*
Frodo: *kicks Nazgul and runs away* Sucker

[Firefoot]

What if...

*Isildur picks up the already broken Narsil*
Isildur: I will have the Ring!
*swings at Sauron - Narsil doesn't cut*
Isildur: What the...?
Sauron: Never!
*Sauron wins the Battle of The Last Alliance.*

Gurthang: Yea, I will drink thy blood gladly, etc.
*Túrin casts himself on his sword - sword turns to jell-o*
Túrin: Hey! Stupid sword.

*The bridge of Khazad-dûm breaks*
*Falling, the Balrog swings his whip at Gandalf, which does nothing.
Gandalf: Haha, not this time!