In the Shadow of the Star: Discussion Thread (Part 1) - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

mark12_30 · 03-07-2003, 07:36 AM

Ooo-kay, I'm just gonna say it. I'm expressing an opinion here, y'all, and it's ignorable, I just have to get it off my chest.

I'm bummed, Pio, about your re-write. I thought that Pio's exhasperation at Lorien was very in-character. I thought she would have been annoyed with him and her act of dumping him out on the doorstep seemed very in-character to me. I wish it was still there. I think Pio is inherently antagonistic to the Valar and I think that peice belonged there.

Cami's resulting angst at Lorien's hungover delivery (sorry Mith) was also very much in-character; how often has Little Andreth railed at the Valar herself?

What was harder to deal with was, Pio heading off into the sunset on horseback; and while I also felt that that was in-character, it does make the plotline a challenge. So I can understand wanting Pio at Amaranthus' house, etc.

I understand that this throws yet another monkey wrench into the last several days' writing and I am not trying to make anybody miserable. I just wanted to say, I miss the scene where Lorien bungles his delivery, Cami is offended and Pio throws Lorien out onto the front stoop. I thought it was entirely in-character for everybody involved (poor confused Vala, but you WERE really soused, man. Howling at the moon? If Pio was annoyed at a teenage hobbit for shenanigans, how much more annoyed would she have been at a supposedly dignified emissary from the West?)

It would still work in my estimation if, in the morning, everybody had pretty much calmed down, and Pio had taken a deep breath and gotten over her irritation and gone to Amaranthus' house.

There, I said it, it's off my chest... and I know I've opened Pandora's box. Slam the lid shut again and throw rotten tomatoes as desired.

ps. A plea for a critical eye: I am enjyoing writing Frodo but it's a bit of a struggle at times. I am trying to find a balance between sensitivity, expressiveness, woundedness, strength, healing, and his wry sense of humor-- WITHOUT sliding over into sappiness. I'm going back to fuss at that last post because I'm dissatisfied with it. So please, if anybody sees something out-of-character in Frodo, and it's still there after a day or so, drop me a line? It's too easy to make Frodo melodramatic, and I hate that. So keep me honest please.

[ March 07, 2003: Message edited by: mark12_30 ]

03-07-2003, 07:36 AM	#11
mark12_30 Stormdancer of Doom Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Elvish singing is not a thing to miss, in June under the stars Posts: 4,349	Ooo-kay, I'm just gonna say it. I'm expressing an opinion here, y'all, and it's ignorable, I just have to get it off my chest. I'm bummed, Pio, about your re-write. I thought that Pio's exhasperation at Lorien was very in-character. I thought she would have been annoyed with him and her act of dumping him out on the doorstep seemed very in-character to me. I wish it was still there. I think Pio is inherently antagonistic to the Valar and I think that peice belonged there. Cami's resulting angst at Lorien's hungover delivery (sorry Mith) was also very much in-character; how often has Little Andreth railed at the Valar herself? What was harder to deal with was, Pio heading off into the sunset on horseback; and while I also felt that that was in-character, it does make the plotline a challenge. So I can understand wanting Pio at Amaranthus' house, etc. I understand that this throws yet another monkey wrench into the last several days' writing and I am not trying to make anybody miserable. I just wanted to say, I miss the scene where Lorien bungles his delivery, Cami is offended and Pio throws Lorien out onto the front stoop. I thought it was entirely in-character for everybody involved (poor confused Vala, but you WERE really soused, man. Howling at the moon? If Pio was annoyed at a teenage hobbit for shenanigans, how much more annoyed would she have been at a supposedly dignified emissary from the West?) It would still work in my estimation if, in the morning, everybody had pretty much calmed down, and Pio had taken a deep breath and gotten over her irritation and gone to Amaranthus' house. There, I said it, it's off my chest... and I know I've opened Pandora's box. Slam the lid shut again and throw rotten tomatoes as desired. ps. A plea for a critical eye: I am enjyoing writing Frodo but it's a bit of a struggle at times. I am trying to find a balance between sensitivity, expressiveness, woundedness, strength, healing, and his wry sense of humor-- WITHOUT sliding over into sappiness. I'm going back to fuss at that last post because I'm dissatisfied with it. So please, if anybody sees something out-of-character in Frodo, and it's still there after a day or so, drop me a line? It's too easy to make Frodo melodramatic, and I hate that. So keep me honest please. [ March 07, 2003: Message edited by: mark12_30 ] __________________ ...down to the water to see the elves dance and sing upon the midsummer's eve.