Special News: The land of Modor

[the real findorfin]

Dear Sauron, CEO, Dark Lord Enterprises

I have recently visited your wondrous park and cannot help but noticing the lack of accommodation in Mordor. As spokesperson of ONDOR LTD, the well-known creators of places such as Menegroth and Orthanc, I offer our services to you.

In the shadow of Barad-Dur we propose to build a grand hotel, with quality accommodation and a premiere Elvish Cuisine restaurant.
Rooms would be fitted to serve every race and free shampoo will be available in each bathroom, courtesy of Head &...uh…Eye cosmetics.

We would be grateful for your swift reply and enclosed, you will find some delicious After Numenor Mints (OH THAT WON’T DO) and some of the latest ‘Eye-Eye’ Contact Lenses.

Yours in perpetual terror
Finwaif, lowly servant (and not the one you should kill if we displease you) of ONDOR LTD

PS. sorry to hear about the trouble you are having. Men of the East and the South have always been trouble! Just look at Maedhros, they stabbed him in the back to.