101 Things LOTR Characters Would Never Say

[Samwise]

*A knock at the gate to Bree*
*Gatekeeper opens window and sees Nazgul* "Yes? State yer buisness.*
Nazgul leader: "Good evening, sir, we were wondering if we might gain enterance to your quaint little hamlet? "
*Random Nazgul* "Yes, and have you seen four Hobbits? Little fellows, cute fuzzy things, we were supposed to meet them here..."

Frodo crouching over his knees heard Sam muttering and groaning: "What a place! What a horrible place! Just let me out of this boat, and I'll never wet my toes in a puddle again, let alone a river! "