Middle Earth Answering Machine Messages

[Naz]

Éomer:

*voice is choppy and the thundering of hooves is heard in the background*

"Hi, this is Éomer. If this is an emergency, you'd better ride really fast and find me wherever I am. If you're my dement... er... gracious uncle, leave a message and a time when you'll be alone because I need to talk some sense into you. If you're that slimy thing after my sister, I don't know why you bothered to call, but you'd better keep your gangrenous hands off her or you'll find them missing. If you're my sister, leave a message. If you're anyone else, I guess you can leave a message if you really want, but I can't guarantee I'll get back to you."

*dies laughing*