Middle Earth Answering Machine Messages

[VanimaEdhel]

Gah! I said "back to the merriment"! Do I have to do everything?

The Royal Family of Mirkwood: Suilannon, mhellyn! You have reached the Royal Family. If you are an Elf wanting to speak to Thranduil on business, press 1. If you have information telling us who, in the name of Yavanna, Legolas's mother is, please press 2. If you want to speak to Legolas, press 3. If you are a female, asking for Legolas's hand in marriage, press 4 to be put on the waiting list. If you are one of Legolas's many stalkers, press 911 and turn yourselves in. If you have any information concerning escaped Dwarves or small former-Hobbits, press 5. If you are a Dwarf, hang up, we do not like you. If you are Gimli, however, press 6 and you will be connected to Legolas's line in his room. If you are Arwen, press 6 as well, because Legolas thinks you are very, very pretty. If you are any of Legolas's "long lost" sisters, brothers, wives, lovers, girlfriends, boyfriends, daughters, sons, granddaughters, grandsons, or any other people with any connections to my son in any way, tough. We have enough of those already. And, if you are looking for Legolas to go on another quest, hang up. He's grounded for this week for staying out drinking miruvor past curfew and all of his telephone and internet privileges taken away. He's also not allowed to quest for 100 years. Thank you for your understanding...