Rewriting Lines - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Ancalagon_the_Black · 11-02-2003, 06:54 AM

How coincidental! I was about to post a it of Monty Python myself... Anyway, here it is:

(NOTE: I didn't come up with this myself, but thought you'd all enjoy it. Other things of my own later.)

Monty Python and the Quest for the Ring of Power

[KING ARAGORN music]
[The Knights approach castle and call out to those on the wall]
ARAGORN: Halt!
[horn]
Hallo!
[pause]
Hallo!
THE MOUTH OF SAURON: [With a French accent, apparently used by the Orcs]
Allo! Who is eet?
ARAGORN: It is King Aragorn, and these are my Knights of Minas Tirith.
Whose castle is this?
THE MOUTH OF SAURON: This is the castle of my master, Sauron.
ARAGORN: [Apparently not understanding the name beneath the heavy accent
the Orc uses...] Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Iluvatar
with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night,
he can join us in our quest for the Ring of Power.
THE MOUTH OF SAURON: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be
very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
ARAGORN: What?
SIR GANDALF: He says they've already got one!
ARAGORN: Are you sure he's got one?
MOUTH: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. [To Grishnakh:] I told him we
already got one. [Both laugh]
ORCS: [chuckling]
ARAGORN: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?
MOUTH: Of course not! You are Men types-a!
ARAGORN: Well, what are you, then?
MOUTH: I'm an Orque! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you
silly King-a?!
SIR LEGOLAS: What are you doing in Gondor?
MOUTH: Mind your own business!
ARAGORN: If you will not show us the Ring, we shall take your castle by
force!
MOUTH: You don't frighten us, Gondorian pig-dogs! Go and boil your
bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Aragorn King,
you and all your silly Gondorian k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
SIR GIMLI: What a strange person.
ARAGORN: Now look here, my good man--
MOUTH: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal
food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster
and your father smelt of elderberries!
SIR MERRY: [After a pause] Is there someone else up there we could talk
to?
MOUTH: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a! [sniff]
ARAGORN: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.
MOUTH: [Indistinguishable Orc talk]
OTHER ORQUE: What?
MOUTH: [Indistinguishable Orc talk]
ARAGORN: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall-
[A cow is launched over the wall at them]
ARAGORN: Right! Charge!
KNIGHTS: Charge!
[mayhem]
ARAGORN: Run away!
KNIGHTS: Run away!
MOUTH OF SAURON: Thppppt!
ORQUES: [taunting]
GIMLI: Fiends! I'll tear them apart!
ARAGORN: No, no. No, no.
SIR EOMER: Sir! I have a plan, sir.
.....

11-02-2003, 06:54 AM	#25
Ancalagon_the_Black Newly Deceased Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Withered Heath Posts: 10	How coincidental! I was about to post a it of Monty Python myself... Anyway, here it is: (NOTE: I didn't come up with this myself, but thought you'd all enjoy it. Other things of my own later.) Monty Python and the Quest for the Ring of Power [KING ARAGORN music] [The Knights approach castle and call out to those on the wall] ARAGORN: Halt! [horn] Hallo! [pause] Hallo! THE MOUTH OF SAURON: [With a French accent, apparently used by the Orcs] Allo! Who is eet? ARAGORN: It is King Aragorn, and these are my Knights of Minas Tirith. Whose castle is this? THE MOUTH OF SAURON: This is the castle of my master, Sauron. ARAGORN: [Apparently not understanding the name beneath the heavy accent the Orc uses...] Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Iluvatar with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Ring of Power. THE MOUTH OF SAURON: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see. ARAGORN: What? SIR GANDALF: He says they've already got one! ARAGORN: Are you sure he's got one? MOUTH: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. [To Grishnakh:] I told him we already got one. [Both laugh] ORCS: [chuckling] ARAGORN: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look? MOUTH: Of course not! You are Men types-a! ARAGORN: Well, what are you, then? MOUTH: I'm an Orque! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly King-a?! SIR LEGOLAS: What are you doing in Gondor? MOUTH: Mind your own business! ARAGORN: If you will not show us the Ring, we shall take your castle by force! MOUTH: You don't frighten us, Gondorian pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Aragorn King, you and all your silly Gondorian k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt! SIR GIMLI: What a strange person. ARAGORN: Now look here, my good man-- MOUTH: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! SIR MERRY: [After a pause] Is there someone else up there we could talk to? MOUTH: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a! [sniff] ARAGORN: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable. MOUTH: [Indistinguishable Orc talk] OTHER ORQUE: What? MOUTH: [Indistinguishable Orc talk] ARAGORN: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall- [A cow is launched over the wall at them] ARAGORN: Right! Charge! KNIGHTS: Charge! [mayhem] ARAGORN: Run away! KNIGHTS: Run away! MOUTH OF SAURON: Thppppt! ORQUES: [taunting] GIMLI: Fiends! I'll tear them apart! ARAGORN: No, no. No, no. SIR EOMER: Sir! I have a plan, sir. ..... __________________ I have a signature. Isn't that great?