New Movie Script

[Theoric Windcaller]

(The Hobbits step into the Porcelain Cow. Everyone stares at them.)

Barliman: Good evenin' little masters! If you're seekin' accomodation, we uh... don't have any rooms, but can I get you a drink, Mr...?

Frodo: Baggins.

(Sam punches his arm.)

Frodo: Ouch, Underhill, I mean Underhill...

Barliman: right...

Frodo: We're friends of Gandalf the Gay... I mean Grey. Can you tell him we've arrived?

Barliman: Gandalf? Gandalf? Oh yes... I remember-elderly chap. Multi-colored beard, dressed like a clown, small hands and he smelt like cabbage. Not seen him for a while.

Sam: What do we do now?

Frodo: Go get drunk and let Pippin tell everyone my real name.

Merry: OK!

Pippin: What's that?

Merry: This, my friend, is a quart.

Pippin: It comes in quarts? I'm getting one.

Frodo: Excuse me? That man in the corner - who is he?

Butterbur: He's one of them circus folk, dangerous they are, wanderin' the circus's. What his right name is I've never 'eard, but 'round here he's known as Jimmy.

Frodo: Jimmy...

(Frodo sort of zones out, fingering the ring in his hands
hearing a voice saying: "Baggins... Baggins... Baggins...")

Pippin: Baggins? Sure I know a Baggins - he's over there.
Frodo Baggins. He's my cousin's, sister's, brother's, father's, wife's, roomate's, aunt's, uncle's, son.

(Frodo is horrified and jumps up to rush over to the bar to get Pippin to stop talking)

Frodo: Pippin, shut up!!

Pippin: ...