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#1 |
The Kinslayer
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Actually Findegil, my offer was the second draft which is not posted in the Private Forum yet.
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"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy." |
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#2 | |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,721
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Okay this is the first draft of an expansion of the storyline-version. Our basis text is: The History of Middle-Earth; volume 4; The Shaping of Middle-Earth; chapter III: The Quenta Noldorinwa (Q30).
We have three groups of changes: RD-zz: General changes given and discussed in the thread “**Ruin of Doriath - Pre-Revision speculation/proposal thread**”. These changes are taken up here, but they are not indicated by "editorial markers" RD-SL-zz: Changes done to make the storyline fit our understanding developed in the Thread “**Ruin of Doriath - Pre-Revision speculation/proposal thread**”. In that thread I made the mistake to mark them with FD-SL-zz. But the numbers are identical. My apologise if that change does produce a mass now. Some numbers are missing, but that is normal since some of the points of the storyline-discussion did not produce any change in the text. RD-EX-zz For expansions taken from some other source to make the story more detailed. This also includes some changes made in the expansion, which I marked for easier reference. At the beginning we have to create a transition from The Wanderingas of Húrin (WH). Over all the basis text will show trough not to much I think. But we will use it as a leading guideline and any part that is exchanged for some other text should be shown. As before, I start with §266 of WH, which is the last of that text. I have tried to stick to the §-numbering done by Maédhros for his first draft, so that a comparison between that draft #1, my own earlier Version and the current text will be easier. In addition I have numbered the § anew in brackets starting with §267 in continuation of WH and starting over again when we come to the purposed chapter break. If a § of the basic-text is deleted completely it is not numbered. As it has some value as a double-check during my work I will give here in addition to the edited version a clean text version. Some conventions of my writing: Normal Text is from the basic text that is mentioned above (when I change the basic-Text it will be mentioned) Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks { } = text that should be deleted [ ] = normalised text <source > = additions with source information example = text inserted for grammatical reason / / = outline expansion Normally if an inserted text includes the beginning of a new § these is indicated by a missing “>” at the end of the § and a missing “<” at the beginning of the next. But the source information is repeated before each §. But some times the new § was taken as an new add and handled accordingly. Here after is given the Version for the public forum. I have ripped it of some of the textual content in many § by inerting dots instead. These dots conceal only General changes (RD-zz), all other changes are given so that they can (hopefuly) be understood. Quote:
Findegil |
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#3 | |
The Kinslayer
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I have some notes regarding the following:
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§1f (§271) RD-EX-05 <WH, Year 501 of The Grey Annals Of the wanderings of Húrin[ and his men] there is no tale told <editorial addition same of> what had befallen there. At length {he}they came to the banks of Narog, and ventured the passage of the wild river upon the fallen stones of the bridge, as Mablung of Doriath had ventured it before {him}them; and {he}they stood before the broken Doors of Felagund, Húrin leaning upon his staff.> should be: <editorial addition some of> what had befallen there. At length {he}they came to the banks of Narog, and ventured the passage of the wild river upon the fallen stones of the bridge, as Mablung of Doriath had ventured it before {him}them; and {he}they stood before the broken Doors of Felagund, Húrin leaning upon his staff.> Just minor points really.
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"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy." |
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#4 | ||||||||||||||
Late Istar
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,224
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Avranc should be changed to Daruin per WH note 55
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I understand the deletion of "late in this year" because we are taking it out of the context of the annals - but couldn't we retain it by making it "late in the year"? Thus: Quote:
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RD-EX-08 to EX-10: I don't think the sequence of dialogue quite works. Hurin's "we come to take what is not thine" seems like it ought to follow directly from Mim's "what will ye with me, O outlaws of the hills?" Perhaps we could merge RD-EX-09 with RD-EX-10: Quote:
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RD-EX-17 Hurin's words here ("Receive thou thy fee . . .") were intended to be what he said immediately upon revealing the treasure. It doesn't work to first use his words from TT and to simply follow them with the equivalent words form QS77. Also the words "where Finrod thy kinsman left it behind him . . ." don't seem to work when the treasure is no longer just the Nauglamir (I think these are Christopher's invention, though I could be wrong). Perhaps: Quote:
Also, I don't understand the need for the change "name" > "fame". Quote:
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#5 | |||||||
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,721
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RD-EX-05 "late in this year" -> " " or "late in the year"
I did the change the way it was marked following the plot synopsis to the Narn given in WH were Húrin reached Nargothrond in 502. But since we used the possibly later TY as the ruling source in all other querstions we should probably stick to it here. RD-EX-06 addition of "some of" Since we had agreed to let Húrin been reluctance to the killing of Mîm by his men I sought it necessary to make Húrin not all knowing in that case. But I might have over done it here since it might not be expected that Húrin did know all details from what the original text says. But see further down. RD-EX-08 "Galweg" -> "Guilin" or "Orodreth" My vault, sorry I thought he was the father of Flinding and never checked it. My apologise to Maédhros how had it right from the start. RD-EX-09 & RD-EX-10 Quote:
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RD-SL-03: Quote:
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RD-EX-17 Your suggested changes read better then mine. But I would hold the introduction of Húrins words. Leading to: Quote:
§15: I wanted to hold that phrase out of two reasons, and both are debatable: 1. It did emphasis that Thingol did at first not desired the hoard. 2. It did emphasis the longanimity that Thingol showed Húrin in their encounter. Both, I think, are dealt with in the TT passage more implicit, than in the later Q30 account. While searching back what I did and why (the first part where Maédhros and I agreed nearly were not change much from our earlier drafts, and thus some time has been elapsed since I proposed these changes) I found one further passage that we might consider for addition: WH the last end of the Grey Annals: Quote:
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Respectfully Findegil Last edited by Findegil; 12-11-2004 at 09:22 AM. |
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#6 | |||||||
The Kinslayer
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So I would add this: Quote:
__________________
"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy." |
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#7 | |||||||||||||
Late Istar
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,224
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RD-EX-05
Findegil wrote: Quote:
RD-EX-06 Findegil: Quote:
RD-EX-09 and RD-EX-10 Findegil: Quote:
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Findegil: Quote:
RD-SL-03 Findegil: Quote:
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But the more I think about it the more forced such an interpretation looks to me. I don't see it as being an especially difficult change to implement; is there any reason not to simply use the TT version? RD-EX-17 Findegil: Quote:
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Findegil: Quote:
Maedhros wrote: Quote:
1. The Narn - is the projected revision that extends the history of the Dragon-helm beyond the battle on Amon Rudh workable or not? It would require some revision to the Narn, and it's hard to judge how much. If it's not, then the Dragon-helm was not in Brethil, and of course cannot be mentioned here. 2. The Wanderings of Hurin - the note suggesting that Hurin was given the Dragon-helm comes from before the development of the "Hurin in Brethil" story, and indeed from before the development of the character of Hardang. The note has the new lord of the people give the helm to Hurin - but Hardang does not do this in "Wanderings" (and indeed it is very difficult to imagine him doing so). The early conception seems to have been that the new lord would have been friendly with Hurin. For Hurin to receive the Dragon-helm now would require a different story. Even if we could justify it, it is no easy matter to insert it into the text. It is very awkward to simply say "he was given the Dragon-helm". For these reasons I fear it may prove impossible for us to use the Dragon-helm (though I admit I would very much like to if it were possible). |
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