Phantom: The Thread (The Most Important Thread EVER)

[Oddwen]

Originally Posted by the phantom

"I am now quite overcome with a desire to go out and be extremely awesome today. Thanks so much, Oddwen!"

Second only to inspirational essays are inspirational image macros. Arguably the most important and influential series of these is called Courage Phantom.

Spinoffs include Advice Alien, Insanity Nilp, Socially Awkward Oddwen, Hipster Lommy, and Philosiraptor, to name a few hangers-on.

Courage Phantom laughs at your fears while urging you on to awesomeness.

[satansaloser2005]

Phact: The Phantom once tried to lynch himself. He failed, because the Phantom cannot be lynched.

Phact: The Phantom knows where the Entwives are because he was with them last night.

Phact: This. (The original is also true.)

Phact: Phantom once got Sally to talk about sports, a fact which until recently was thought impossible.

[Inziladun]

Phact: Long-term exposure to phantom has been linked to chronic feelings of inferiority, with side effects of communicable awesomeness. For further information, please consult a physician.

[Lhunardawen]

Originally Posted by Inziladun

Phact: Long-term exposure to phantom has been linked to chronic feelings of inferiority, with side effects of communicable awesomeness. For further information, please consult a physician.

Phact: Consulting a physician would yield no further information because the said phenomenon is way too mind-boggling to be taught in medical school.

[Galadriel55]

Oddwen, those pictures are phantastic!

Phact: BWH doesn't rule our site. TP does.

Phact: the name of the forum will be changed to The Phantom Downs. The homepage will feature his avatar.

Phact: Phantom can look Arien in the eyes without blinking.

[the phantom]

Phact: Phantom can open the doors of Moria by hitting them with a stick and shouting "Edro!"

Phact: The Lonely Mt is lonely because Phantom never drops by to visit any more.

Phact: Phantom is the reason for the teardrops on Taylor Swift's guitar.

Phact: He is also the reason for the teardrops on Lhuna's med textbooks.

[Galadriel55]

Phact: the Doors of Moria don't need anyone to shout at them. When it's Phantom that comes by them, they open by themselves as soon as they see him.

Phact: the Leap of Beren is really the Leap of Phantom. Nothing and no one can equal Phantom when he leaps.

[Oddwen]

Phact: Sauron called himself the Lord of Gifts because the phantom once graced him with his presence.

[Nerwen]

Phact: Sauron came to regret claiming to be the "master of shadows and of phantoms", though.

[Oddwen]

Phact: When the phantom first joined The Barrow Downs, he started his own "Hello" introductory thread. The Barrow-Wight stickied it.

Phact: The last thread the phantom will make will be titled "the phantom Would Like To Announce His Engagement". It will be his last because once he undergoes the complicated and illegal surgical procedure required to marry oneself, he will be far, far too busy in real life to bother with his online one.

[Oddwen]

Phact: When the phantom looks in the mirror of Erised, he sees only himself. So does everyone else, but they lie about it.

Phact: Sauron revealed then to Gorlim that Eilinel was long dead, and that what he had thought was his wife was the phantom intending to trick him.

Phact: the phantom regularly tosses dwarves.

Phact: Orlando Bloom based his shield and oliphaunt surfing moves on the phantom, who will often slide around on his kitchen floor in his socks.

Phact: the phantom does not sleep. He waits.

Phact: the phantom's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No-one fools the phantom.

Shadowphax: There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse because the phantom is going to walk.

Phaxe: the phantom knows how much a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Phact: the phantom doesn't read books. He just stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

[Galadriel55]

Phact: our forum will soon undergo a new improvement: the Phantom SunPhorum will be open soon. This thread will be stickied there.

[satansaloser2005]

Originally Posted by Oddwen

Phact: When the phantom first joined The Barrow Downs, he started his own "Hello" introductory thread. The Barrow-Wight stickied it.

Is it sad that I actually checked to see if that thread had been started by Phantom?

I thought so too.


Phact: All phacts on this thread are true, even the ones "proven" to be false. Or rather, phalse.

Phact: The above phact is phalse.

Phact: I now am spelling all Fs with a PH. Ask Mnemosyne; she can vouch phor the whole phlipping thing.

Phact: Phor reals now, I phrankly think this thread isn't phun anymore. It's been phar too active, and I'm phairly certain the phurry skwerls will not phind it very phunny.

Phact: Doing the above defies spellcheck, because Phantom defies spellcheck.

[Galadriel55]

Originally Posted by satansaloser2005

Phact: Doing the above defies spellcheck, because Phantom defies spellcheck.

Counter-phact: phantom does not defy spellcheck. He dephies it.

[Oddwen]

Phact: Each time that Eru Iluvatar raised his hands during the Music of the Ainur, he was trying to shush everyone so he could listen to the phantom.

Phact: When Aule first made the Fathers of the Dwarves, he was trying to follow the phantom's instructions in making the first Chia Pets. the phantom was so disgusted with the failure that he went told Eru that Aule was playing with Barbies.

Phact: the phantom knew that Finrod Felagund was the Ranger, but attacked Beren anyway.

Phact: the phantom's energy drink of choice is Red Balrog. "It may or may not give you wings".

Phact: the phantom is the Red Bull.

Phact: the phantom is El-ahrairah, Phantom with a Thousand Enemies.

Phact: Soylent Green is the phantom.

Phact: By the command of Morgoth the Orcs with great labor gathered all the bodies of those who had fallen in the great battle, and all their harness and weapons, and piled them in a great mound in the midst of Anfaulglith; and it was like a hill that could be seen from afar. Haudh-en-Ndengin the Elves named it, the Hill of Slain, and Haudh-en-Nirnaeth, the Hill of Tears. But grass came there and grew again long and green upon that hill, alone in all the desert that Morgoth made, and the phantom was wroth, because they had dug up the place where his Chia Pet army was supposed to awaken from. And the phantom forbade any creature of Morgoth to tread thereafter upon the earth beneath which the swords of the Eldar and the Edain crumbled into rust and the pottery shards of the Chia crumbled into dust.

[Bom Tombadillo]

Phact: The Doctor phears the phantom.

Phact: The Nazgul phear phire because the phantom invented it.

Phact: the phantom is right behind you. Nodon'tlookyouphoo

[the phantom]

Phact: In the first ever Tol-In-Gaurhoth game the first ever vote for the first ever Fenris Wolf (here) was cast by Phantom. Therefore, from henceforth the term shall be Phenris Wolf.

Phact: Bom Tom will be richly rewarded for already being on board with the new spelling.

[Galadriel55]

Phact: TP is too cool to write "ph" instead oph "f".

Phact: Bom is secretly TP's right-hand man.

[Bom Tombadillo]

Phalsehood: Of the phate of Ungoliant no tale tells. Yet some have said that she ended long ago, when in her uttermost phamine she devoured herselph at last.

Phact: Of the phate of Ungoliant no tale tells. Yet some have said that she ended long ago, when in her uttermost phamine she tried to eat the phantom. It didn't end well.

[Oddwen]

Phact: the phantom does not decide who is right, only who is left.

Phact: the phantom transcends all conventional ideas of positive or negative morality, believing all things, ideas and actions to be only "the phantom" and "not the phantom".

Phact: the phantom law states that "all things except the phantom being not the phantom left themselves tend only toward not the phantom".

Phact: Saying "phantom" a bunch of times sounds really silly.

Phact: Rumor has it that the phantom has a new cologne coming out. It'll be called "phantsy pants".

Phact: the phantom is officially part of the legendarium.

[Boromir88]

phact: Gandalf's boots were too small for the phantom.

phact: The only one who can ban the phantom from the Barrow-downs website, is the phantom.

phact: Saruman broke the white light, phantom broke it twice.

phact: The reason the phantom has never been lynched in werewolf, is because it's against the very laws of nature. If the phantom ever were lynched, the world would cease to exist. Many civilizations have debated on when exactly this Doomsday would come, but they all agree the day the phantom is lynched will be the day the world ends.

phact: The phantom, knowing the above is phact, self-learned the power of Osanwe. Anyone who thinks of casting a "++the phantom" suddenly hears a voice telling them "No you fool! Not the phantom! Vote for *insert name*." No one can refuse a command from the Voice.

phact: Galadriel and Gandalf learned the power of Osanwe from the phantom.

phact: Melkor is "He who rises in Might," the phantom is "He who rises even Mightier."

[Galadriel55]

Originally Posted by Boromir88

phact: Saruman broke the white light, phantom broke it twice.

Phact: he also broke the wight light.

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Galadriel55

B]Phact:[/B] Bom is secretly TP's right-hand man.

What do you mean, "secretly"?

[Galadriel55]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

What do you mean, "secretly"?

Bom is too modest to openly admit it. Though everybody knows anyways.

[Galadriel55]

Phact: anyone who is at least partially responsible for the rating of this thread to be below 5/5 will suffer the consequences. The Phantom will not slay them in their own turn... and you know the rest.

[Boromir88]

phact: drop your sandwhich on the ground, you won't pick it up to eat it. Drop your sandwhich where the phantom's walked, and you'll eat it off the ground.

[Blind Guardian]

Originally Posted by Galadriel55

Phact: anyone who is at least partially responsible for the rating of this thread to be below 5/5 will suffer the consequences. The Phantom will not slay them in their own turn... and you know the rest.

Whoops.

[Oddwen]

Originally Posted by Boromir88

phact: drop your sandwhich on the ground, you won't pick it up to eat it. Drop your sandwhich where the phantom's walked, and you'll eat it off the ground.

Phact: Drop your sandwich on the ground, you won't pick it up to eat it. Drop your sandwich onto the ground where the phantom has walked, you will be eating a sandwich for the next three or so minutes. Ahahaheheheheh.

Phact: the phantom doesn't shave in the morning. He lights his face on fire, and when the smoke clears, all that's left is that smooooooothness that allllll* the ladies and gents love.

"Now we are all here!" said Gandalf, looking at the row of thirteen

hoods-the best detachable party hoods-and the baseball cap and his own hat hanging on the pegs.

"Quite a merry gathering!"

*most all

[the phantom]

Phact: When he's in a silly mood, Phantom dons big yellow boots and a bushy beard and capers about in the Old Forest. You may know him as Tom Bombadil.

Phact: Phantom placed the injured Peyton Manning on his phantasy phootball team. Manning instantly recovered from his injuries and threw for seven touchdowns.

Phact: Gandalf always lets Phantom pass.

[Oddwen]

Phact: the phandom of the phantom is mainly populated by insane phangirls writing the phantom/The Phantom phanphics, genderbended Phantom and Alien comics, and phar, phar too much rule 34. It's disgusting, but the phantom loves it.

Phact: "Chuck Norris? Isn't he dead? Yeah, the phantom killed him." ~Oliphaunts_Rule

Phact: Chuck Norris's real name is Carlos. the phantom's garbage disposal is also named Carlos. Coincidence?

Phact: When the phantom plays chess, all of his pieces are queens.

Phact: When the phantom plays checkers, all of his pieces are queens.

Phact: the phantom will refill the cup of Galadriel when she finishes her drink. Everyone else has to fill their own.

Phact: Galadriel has only asked for the phantom to refill her glass once. She ended up giving the result to Frodo Baggins of the Shire.

Phact: the phantom owns a little boat that can bear someone ever back across so wide a sea. I hear he's willing to sell it for a song.

Phact: the phantom is the true Lord of the Ring. He's also Lord of everything else, so he doesn't mind if Sauron borrows the title for a little while.

Phact: Every time the phantom walks into a building, the sprinklers go off.

Phact: The Hobbit's love for mushrooms is in honor of the phantom. Because he's known everywhere as being a fungi.

Phact: The Entwives have long since fled Middle-earth. Why? Because the phantom ran through their crops screaming "Run, forest, run!!"

Phact: Dwarves are constantly working hard to try to please the phantom, but they always come up short.

Phact: Due to genetics, the phantom is at a high risk for spontaneous combustion. He does not fear, nor should you, that this will elven happen.

[Galadriel55]

Originally Posted by Oddwen

Phact: the phantom will refill the cup of Galadriel when she finishes her drink. Everyone else has to fill their own.

Phact: Galadriel always refills The Phantom's cup.

[the phantom]

Phact: Hobbits used to live above ground, but when they heard that the phantom had an underground lair, they started digging holes.

Phact: Roads go ever on and on... and they all lead to the phantom's house.

Phact: "Phantom" would have been an acceptable answer to all of Bilbo and Gollum's riddles.

Phact: Faramir once said: "I love not the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. That's what I love the phantom for."

[Galadriel55]

Phact: the phantom is able to possess other beings.

Wait...... isn't that Voldemort?

Phact: Voldemort is the phantom, having some fun.

Phact: the phantom doesn't need a wand to beat everyone else.

Wait... but didn't he die?

Phact: the phantom is deathless. He does not need horcruxes to stay alive.



Phact: I am likely to be scowled at for deviating from Tolkien and the Downs into the Realm of Rowling

[Galadriel55]

Phact: Frodo only stopped raiding Maggot's farm when the farmer told him: "For the love of Phantom, leave my poor mushrooms alone!" And for the love of Phantom he did leave them alone.

[Galadriel55]

Phact: when Gandalf uncloaks, you put on protective eyewear (). When the phantom uncloaks, you ogle ()

[satansaloser2005]

I can attest to and approve of the above phact.


Really obvious phact: You will curse the Day you did not do all that the phantom asked of you.

[Oddwen]

A couple of days ago, I thought of a very good phact. I cannot for the life of me recall what it was. It must not have been that good, because the phantom somehow proactively prevented me from posting it here. I must humbly apologize for my phailure to phlease.

[satansaloser2005]

Actually, a phailure to have phlease is generally considered to be a good thing.

[Oddwen]

Originally Posted by satansaloser2005

Actually, a phailure to have phlease is generally considered to be a good thing.

the phantom's dog doesn't just get fleas. It also gets phleas. Strangely, the phantom isn't even phased, he just picks up his phone and a phalanx of philanthropical philosophizing pharmacists bring him phosphorescent phleabombs phree of charge. All phleas have a phobia of glowing in the dark, so they phlee in terror. Once, the phantom pherreted out a phony pharmacist solely by a suspiciously photogenic philtrum. Aphter they carted the phool away, the phantom ended the evening listening to the London Philharmonic on his phonograph while pondering the phenomenon.

[Galadriel55]

Phact: phantom's phavourite element is phosphorus.