The Narn i Chîn Húrin: Beleg & Falivirn

[Findegil]

NA-RG-57: I simply meant that I agree to the change you suggested.

NA-SL-04: I think that is too specific.

Posted by Aran e-Godhellim

Hey, guys, I'm trying to make an updated version of the Narn in alliterative verse using the 2nd Narn in Lays of Beleriand as a base, and I was wondering if you'd help criticize my updated/added verses. If you will, should I make a separate thread, or just add them to the discussion here, since this has already become really verse-oriented?

I think that is worth a new thread.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Aran e-Godhellim]

Originally Posted by Findegil

NA-SL-04: I think that is too specific.

I agree, but I haven't been able to think of anything better. Maybe Aiwendil has?

I think that is worth a new thread.

Respectfully
Findegil

Okay then.

[Aiwendil]

NA-SL-04 is proving quite tricky. I thought of:

of {Gnomish lords}[scattered wood-men] [overwhelmed] by night {beleaguered}

But I don't think that in Tolkien's idiom 'w' alliterates with 'wh'.

Another possibility is:

of {Gnomish lords}[Elves and Men] {by night}[at eve] beleaguered

But I'm not sure that 'at eve' makes sense, if the point is that the Orcs took their victims at unawares in the dead of the night.

[Aran e-Godhellim]

Hey! How about:

of {Gnomish lords}[scattered woodsmen encircled] by night {beleaguered}

Is that better?

[Aiwendil]

The only problem is that, if I recall correctly, Tolkien's alliteration treats 'sc'/'sk' as distinct from 's' or soft 'c' by itself.

How about:

of {Gnomish lords}[Elves and Men] [ambushed] by night {beleaguered}

[Findegil]

For me the best found so far is:

of {Gnomish lords}[Elves and Men] {by night}[at eve] beleaguered

But that is just my feeling.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Aran e-Godhellim]

Originally Posted by Aiwendil

The only problem is that, if I recall correctly, Tolkien's alliteration treats 'sc'/'sk' as distinct from 's' or soft 'c' by itself.

I hadn't noticed.

How about:

of {Gnomish lords}[lonely woodsmen] [beleaguered] by night {beleaguered}

[Aiwendil]

of {Gnomish lords}[lonely woodsmen] [beleaguered] by night {beleaguered}

That works for me.