Tasting Middle Earth

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When reading LOTR, there are times that I get so into the story that I start empathizing with the characters on a physical level. For example, when Frodo and Sam are swollen tongued-parched from crossing the Gorgoroth, I might go and get a glass of water as I'm suddenly feeling a bit thirsty.

An aside - in Ithilien I'm yelling "Drink more! You're gonna need it..."

Anyway, when I read parts of the books where the characters are eating and drinking, I start wondering what they're experiencing and what I have on hand that is a modern-day equivalent (it *is* history, isn't it?) and that can be used to enhance the experience.

In no specific order, here are items that I have as MDEs for Middle Earth:

• lembas - Hostess fruit pies (think of a pie filled with fruit jelly, folded in half and covered with sugar glaze). Many were the days that these things (accompanied with liters of Mountain Dew) kept me on my feet after nights of little rest

• Ent draught - cold sassafras root tea or Guinness

• white cakes - Little Debbie brand 'Fancy Cakes (note that the covering has a strange resemblence to plastic both in texture and taste)

• beer/ale - Coor's light (I'm not a beer drinker, so it all tastes the same to me)

• conies - though have had the chance to eat rabbit, have declined. I substitute that 'anonymous/ubiquitous meat' chicken.

• stew - homemade stew that is so thick can be eaten with a fork.

• various herbs (crushed underfoot as one walks through Ithilien) - ever go to the herb cabinet in the kitchen and give the herbs named in the text a whiff?

• brackish Mordor water - tap water! (we filter all water that we drink)

• miruvor - brandy

• orc health draught given to Merry/Pippin - Jack Daniel's whiskey

• orc bread - bad biscotti

• Beorn cakes - Greek honey pastries of unknown name but are to die for

• Faramir's provisionings - trail mix and beef jerky

Other items, like wine, mushrooms, taters, honey, etc, are the same irregardless. The dinner at Farmer Maggots' would be either like Bob Evans' (a local eatery chain specializing in country breakfast food) or a trip to the in-laws for dinner. Eating 'Elvish' would be like going to a place where the salad bar had everything, and you washed it all down with iced tea sweetened with fruit juice. Eating 'Hobbit' would be like that of the elves, except that the salad part would be minimized and there would be a dessert bar with cakes, cookies, pies and self-serve soft ice cream. Though I do eat fish, I don't eat it Gollum-style.

I'll stop now to read what you think as I suddenly feel the urge to go and eat...