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However, if and when such a mysterious portal comes crashing into my bedroom, I can only assume that someone upstairs may want me to consider a change of venue, or else why would the portal be there?
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Well, that does put a whole new spin on things, doesn't it?...
(CRASH!)
"BIRDIE!"
"huh...wha...hey, where's my roof?"
"YOU ARE TO GO TO MIDDLE EARTH NOW, BIRDIE."
"What? Right now?"
"WELL, YES, I CAN GIVE YOU A FEW MINUTES, BUT NOW'S AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY."
"But where should I go? What will I do?"
"THE ONE WILL PROVIDE..."
Oh, yeah, as good as you 'provided' for me here? I haven't forgotten those times in Echo Park, ya know."
"GO!!!!!"
"OK, OK! Geez...What should I take?"
"JUST WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES."
(Birdie goes flying through the portal, without a handkerchief.)