[Kuruharan]

Announcer: And we’re back. This portion of the program is brought to you by the number twelve. Remember, anytime you need a number following eleven or preceding thirteen, think of twelve. Bob, what do you make of the action?

Color Commentator: Well Cliff, the results of yesterday’s voting have reduced Kuruharan to a state of hysteria. Let’s go to the field.

Announcer: We can’t! We’ve lost our sideline reporter!

Color Commentator: We still have a cameraman and a microphone. Let’s listen.

Kuruharan: My tie, my beautiful TIE!! It was RUINED!! It was such an exquisite compromise, so wonderfully crafted, so elegantly conceived, so, so…perfect. It would have left everybody equally angry and bitter. weeps. All spoiled by that interloper, that, that shameless…well, ooookay. It is kind of hard to stay mad at spawn. But I’ll have you know I was this >< close to being really angry.

Announcer: Well, I’m glad we got that out of our system! But ranting and raving won’t cure the hole that has been torn in my poor little heart! Waaaahhhhh

Color Commentator: Oh, will you stop?! Here have a drink of vodka!

Officer Walley: Stop right there! Contraband! You’re under arrest!

Color Commentator: You’ll never take me alive copper!!!

jumps out of booth window

Announcer and Officer Wally: Gosh I hope not!

Meanwhile,

Alas, Secret Agent Double Oh-Point Five was so close, but so far. As he was being whisked off to Mordor in an attempt to do away with him, the object of his affectio…quest was mere miles away.

Scene: Inside the Khazad-dum Sigin-tarag Flagship Resort et Casino.

Sideline Reporter: What do you mean we can’t stay to see the Tu Duo concert!!! That was why we came here!!! DON’T YOU LOVE ME?!!

gets the whole big eyes and trembling lips thing going

Tar-Aldarion: (Ugh! That reminds me of somebody!!) Of course, I love you darling. It’s just…we have to get out of here!

Sideline Reporter: Why, boopsie?

Tar-Aldarion: I…seem to have…gambled away most of the revenues of Numenor.

Sideline Reporter: So? I have money.

Tar-Aldarion: Oh, I didn’t gamble away most of that.

Sideline Reporter: See.

Tar-Aldarion: I gambled away every little bit of that.

Sideline Reporter: WHAT?!!!!!!!

Tar-Aldarion: Now, don’t get like that. I know how much you love me…

Sideline Reporter: DON’T YOU DARE TRY THAT ON ME!!!

Tar-Aldarion: We have to get out of here. King Durin has threatened to hand us over to Nari the Mad and Fali the Brokenbeard. I have a nasty feeling we don’t want to meet Nari the Mad and Fali the Brokenbeard.

Sideline Reporter: They’d probably treat me better!

Tar-Aldarion: Where are you going?

Sideline Reporter: To find myself a real man!!

Sideline Reporter exits casino, after telling the bouncers where to find Tar-Aldarion

Sideline Reporter: (talking on cell phone) Daddy, get the bedroom ready and tell Mom to brace herself, your darling little girl who you love very much is coming for a visit!