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Old 03-04-2008, 12:25 PM   #1
Tar-Elara
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Funny Middle Earth Books

During yet another stultifying day at work, my friens and I came up with another odd category: Shortest, or least popular, books in the realm of Arda:
For Example:
Denethor's guide to parenting.
Gollum's grammar guide.

Any suggestions?
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Old 03-04-2008, 02:31 PM   #2
Rikae
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Rikae is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Rikae is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Rikae is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
Decluttering your Hobbit Hole
Family Camping in the Old Forest
Are YOU Entitled to Immortality? A Legal Guide for Half-Elves
Rosie Cotton's Birth Control Encyclopedia
101 Ways to Eat a Silmaril
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Old 03-05-2008, 02:43 PM   #3
Estelyn Telcontar
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Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!
Fun thread idea, Tar-Elara!

How about:

Bilbo and Frodo's Marriage Manual
Arwen's Sewing Primer
Ioreth's "Sound of Silence"
Lobelia Sackville-Baggins: "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
Saruman's Construction Manual for Spiky Wheels
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Old 03-11-2008, 01:57 AM   #4
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The Dwarven Book of Dating.
The Hobbit Book of Dieting.
The Balrog Book of Flight.
Identity Crisis by Gothmog of Minas Morgul.
Die Young Stay Pretty by Queen Arwen.
Memoirs of an Invisible Man by Isildur.
Fly Fishing by Deagol.
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Old 03-12-2008, 01:52 AM   #5
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Tree Husbandry by The Ent-wives.
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Old 03-12-2008, 02:11 AM   #6
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
- The Big Book of Entish abbreviations

- Dealing with depression by Turin Turambar

- Morgoth's book of Practical Jokes
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Old 03-12-2008, 07:17 AM   #7
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- Dude, where's my Ring? By Sauroman
- Gollum's Guide to Eating Healthy
- 101 Things To Do With Taters. By Sam
- The Only Way To Eat a Brace Of Coneys. By Sam
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:17 AM   #8
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Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.
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*cough* Who is this "Sauroman"?
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Old 03-12-2008, 10:12 AM   #9
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The Eye

Yea! These book suggestions are v. amusing. I have thought of some more as well...
-The Art of Honesty by Sauron
-The Orc Poetry Collection
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Old 03-12-2008, 11:15 AM   #10
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I know I misspealled Saruman. Kwit korecting mi speling.
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Old 03-13-2008, 02:16 AM   #11
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Swimming for Beginners by Drogo Baggins.
Gollums Big Book of Sushi by Smeagol.
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Old 03-13-2008, 02:48 PM   #12
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Lalwendë is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Lalwendë is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Eowyn's Book of Household Management
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Old 03-14-2008, 02:45 AM   #13
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How to be a Firefighter by Denethor.
How to bleach your clothes White by Gandalf the Once-Grey.
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Old 04-14-2009, 02:01 AM   #14
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Health and Safety Practises for Swordsmen by Turin.
Long Jump Techniques by Saeros of Doriath.
Naturism by Bjorn the Bare.........(sorry).
Guitar Playing by Maedhros.
How to spot a Fraudster by Celebrimbor.
How to make a Fool of People by Annatar.
Patience by Aule.
Hobbit Stew and Dumplings by Grishnakh.
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Old 04-14-2009, 02:45 AM   #15
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Pipe

How to read books by Pereguin Took

Fashion tips for Pentioners by Saruman of Many Colours

Baths and how to avoid them by Aragorn
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:56 AM   #16
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I'm Nobody's Child by Tom Bombadil.
What War? by Radagast the Brown.
Cracking Good Food by Old Man Willow.
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Old 04-14-2009, 05:14 AM   #17
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Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
The Whitewater Rafting Guide by Boromir

You're Never Alone With a Schizophrenic by Smeagol

Orcs with Forks: A Modern Guide to Table Etiquette by Gorbag, Shagrat, et al.

English Pronunciation and Grammar by Hamfast Gamgee

Treatment of Conjuctivitis, Blepharitis and Red Eye Symptoms by Sauron
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Old 04-14-2009, 08:22 AM   #18
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How to Win Friends and Influence People by Azog

Basic Spelunking by Smaug

How YOU can Overcome OCD by Fëanor

A Beginner's Guide to Field Hygiene by Gollum

Finding Harmony in Your Consanguineous Marriage by Ar-Pharazôn
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:12 PM   #19
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How about:

How to Get Over Stolen Property by Feanor
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:41 PM   #20
Tuor in Gondolin
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A Hobbits' Guide to Safe Boating
By Bungo and Belladonna Baggins

Zen and the Art of Meara Maintenance
By Eorl

A Stone Troll's Guide to Fine Dining
By William Huggins, Esq.
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Old 05-05-2009, 09:18 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tuor in Gondolin View Post
A Hobbits' Guide to Safe Boating
By Bungo and Belladonna Baggins
I wouldn't buy it; I don't think they're experts on the subject.

Drogo and Primula, on the other hand...
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Old 05-06-2009, 02:32 AM   #22
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The Dangerous Book for Girls by The Witch-king of Angmar.
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Old 05-06-2009, 06:56 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tuor in Gondolin
A Hobbits' Guide to Safe Boating
By Bungo and Belladonna Baggins

Originally Posted by Mnemosyne
I wouldn't buy it; I don't think they're experts on the subject.

Drogo and Primula, on the other hand...
Wouldn't that be more
The Dangerous Book For Hobbits By Ted Sandyman.
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Old 05-06-2009, 07:23 AM   #24
Erendis
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Silmaril

"Abandonned wifes of Arda,unite!'' dy Erendis
''The complete guide for wood-camping'' BY Gildor Inglorion
''Perfect nails and other beauty tips " by Saruman the White
"Maskarah?Not for me!'' by the Great Eye
''The high art of diplomacy'' by the mouth of Sauron
"Bungee jumping for starters'' by Nienor/Niniel
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Old 05-06-2009, 06:41 PM   #25
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How To Avoid Getting Killed By Your Friends by Beleg Strongbow

How to Be A Good Friend by Beleg Strongbow

How To Keep Healthy, Happy Hair by Smeagol
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:22 AM   #26
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The Cure for Memory Loss by Barliman Butterbur.
How to Suck-up to The Boss by Ted Sandyman.
My Life in Wrestling Spandex by Tulkas the Strong.
How to pick the right Girdle by Melian.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:12 AM   #27
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Luthien's Guide to Teenage Rebellion
The Bible (Manwe Version)
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Legal Madness.
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:20 AM   #28
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Boots

Fighting the Napoleonic War by Boromir (if you get the reference, you deserve a prize)

Keeping Brightly coloured clothing clean in a hostile, woodland area. by Tom Bombadil
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Old 05-11-2009, 04:00 AM   #29
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Are you sure it is ''Neopolionic''?

"Aragorn's travel guide-complete series"


Book 1:RIVENDEL AND HOLlIN
>> 2:WOODEN REALM,LAKETOWN,DALE
>> 3:LORIEN
>> 4:RHUN
>> 5:ADUIN
>> 6,7:GONDOR,ROHAN
>> 8:HARAND(INCLUDING BOTH NEAR AND FAR)
>> 9:MORDOR
>>10,11;ERIANDOR
>> 12:UNIVERSE
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Old 05-11-2009, 06:39 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba View Post
Keeping Brightly coloured clothing clean in a hostile, woodland area. by Tom Bombadil
YES!

How about,
How to Get Yourself Out Of The Barrow-Downs Without the Help of Tom Bombadil by Tom Bombadil and Frodo Baggins
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Old 05-12-2009, 03:29 AM   #31
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Bear With Me, It's a Long Story by Beorn.
Swimming Lessons in Armour by Isildur.
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Old 05-12-2009, 06:29 AM   #32
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Are Women Human? by the Witch-King of Angmar

Outwitting Fish by Gollum

How Goood is Good Enough by Faramir

How to Stay Fit and Healthy Indefinitely by Gandalf the Gray

How to Make people Like you in 90 Seconds or Less
by Saruman the White

How to Steal a Dog
by Luthien Tinuviel


(Titles taken directly from Amazon)
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Old 05-12-2009, 07:07 AM   #33
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Everything I Need To Know About The One
Ring I Learned In Kindergarten
, by Denethor
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Old 05-12-2009, 09:01 AM   #34
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Get rich quick with me in Moria by Balin

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Sexy tips to spice up your love life by Grishnakh
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:12 AM   #35
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The Value of Antique Silverware by Otho and Lobelia Sackville Baggins.
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Old 05-22-2009, 06:02 PM   #36
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So near and yet so Far by Arathorn II.
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Old 05-23-2009, 10:38 AM   #37
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Teaching Your Child To Social Climb by Huor.
How to Avoid Troublesome Cousins by Tuor.
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Old 05-23-2009, 10:56 AM   #38
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What Did You Do That For? by Beleg Cuthalion.
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Old 05-23-2009, 11:37 AM   #39
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Bęthberry is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Bęthberry is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Bęthberry is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
The Theory and Practice of Carding and Spinning by Shelob

Rainy Day Woman by Tom Bombadil

Ilúvatar's Perfect Storm by Eru

Second Time Lucky by Eowyn

Star Trek as Gene Roddenberry Never Imagined It by Eärendil
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Old 05-23-2009, 11:49 AM   #40
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Complete Horse Riding Manual by Gimli son of Gloin

Avoiding Temptations by Peregrin "the Fool of a" Took
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