Let's not cast the Silmarillion

[Nerwen]

So. We've all seen the "Let's Cast The Silmarillion" thread over in the Movies section?

As an antidote to this blind faith in Hollywood, here's your chance to nominate the NIGHTMARE Silmarillion cast!

Rules:

The nominee need not be untalented per se, just someone who would, in that particular role, turn the film into a hideous travesty that would be mocked on geeky websites for decades to come. (Straight-out terrible actors are also very welcome.)

The nominee must be somebody who could, at least conceivably, be given the part. (i.e. no Will Smith as Idril.)

You may, briefly, explain just why you feel the artist in question would be so (un)suitable for the role.

Director: Either Quentin Tarantino or Spike Lee. (Nominated by Morthoron.)